Tuesday and I wake after a grim nights sleep. I woke at regular intervals feeling tired and needing to drink, I have clearly not drunk enough water and needed to get a new bottle in the middle of the night. Everything tastes rank, especially water or water based drinks. I am having trouble breathing freely through my nose as it feels blocked, I wonder if I have had a small nose bleed again. Finally I get to the morning and take my vitals, I am surprised that they are so good. My plan was to begin to start to swim at the gym but an email has come though to say the pool is closed all week due to poor ventilation. I take time to get myself together and write something. It is one of those poems that is not welcome but it comes anyway.

486
“fed up with death,
decay and dying.
It sucks the life 
out of the living,” 
said my friend,
and now I lay here
full of poison
and wonder how much
life I suck out of
my family and friends. 
The watching and not knowing
what to do for the best,
those feelings of uselessness
in the face of another’s pain,
swamping the everyday.
It’s the way kindness
gets blocked as each
tries to find a way
to cope with the storm. 
I try to calm myself
And let it pass,
but it:
No,
I suck.
Its not a good feeling. 
					485 30-12-2025

I get up and my partner and I go for a bacon sandwich and a coffee at one of the local garden centres. over a cup of foul tasting coffee (my fault not theirs) my partner and I discuss garden options with the result that we buy a small upright cold frame to over winter some of the seedlings we already have. It means that in January my partner can begin to sow next years flower seeds. With the business done we wander the garden centre and lookover the sale Christmas goods, nothing appeals to us so we drive home.

Once home I fill the bird and squirrel feeders and on impulse open up the Writing Shed. While I run the electric cable to the Shed two robins fly in and chase each other around, I am left to shepherd them out the open door. With my visitors gone I settle down to write notelets to friends. It is my first step to writing letters again, encouraged by my new fountain pen and the feeling of being out of the house. As I write the notes the squirrels play around the Shed and the birds continue to feed from the seed hopper.

With the notes written and stamped up I wander over to the post office and send them on their way. Back home I start to make a concerted effort to drink my way through 2 litres of water in the form of orange squash. The first pint is easy after that its a bit more of a challenge. A friend rings me and we spend time comparing how our Christmas’s have gone. My friend has young children so there are stories of trips to pantomimes, bowling and country houses. It is really good to hear how others have spent their Christmas and what they have planned for New Year. My friend has already returned to work, something that I am free from and glad of it. I begin to flag and so I start to draft the blog against the background of a football match on TV. I’ve started to watch football with the sound off, its far more satisfying. There are crosswords to do as I slide into the evening and of course a meal. Most important is that I continue to drink water. I shall see how it goes and whether I sleep better tonight. One last thought, I was astounded to see that one of my Peony’s is beginning to show above ground, that is just ridiculous!