Tuesday and another reasonable night by the seaside. I get up and go to the balcony to see how the day is and to breathe in the sea air. For the first time there is a hint of blue in the sky.

I take my morning meds and sip orange juice as I check my messages and emails. As a result of one of then I order my eldest grandsons birthday presents. Hopefully all will go well this time and they will arrive in time for his birthday. Last time sending things to Sweden was a problem. With that done my partner and I have breakfast before girding our loins for the walk into town, which means climbing the cliff path.

My partner and I make it to the town walls and then on into the town centre. It is drizzly and cannot make up its mind to rain properly or not. As always we decide to take a break and see what happens in a local café. I sit and watch the passers by as I sip a diet Pepsi an nibble a jam and cream scone. The fellow diners come in and out , many with dogs. I think that because it is October dog owners are allowed to take their dogs onto the beach so this is the week they all come to the seaside. Its also cheaper.

Unsure about the status of the rainy weather over the next couple of days my partner and I pop into a sports clothing and general seaside crap store and buy baseball caps, mine with Captain on it. In fairness there was little choice in the end of season selection of hats. With our new hats on we went in search of a news paper and took pictures of the town walls.

We found a shop and bought a newspaper and then walked slowly back to the apartment. I sat on the balcony and settle down to do the days crossword only to find that the newspaper (its a rag really but has an easy crossword I can do) had printed the same easy crossword as yesterday. I had a decide moment of thinking I was gong mad or that I had acquired a super power like time travel or clairvoyance. I check yesterdays paper and sure enough it was the same crossword. I then did something I had never done before I wrote a email letter to the paper pointing out their mistake and telling them that I assumed Ludwig had gone on holiday. I then got on with the other puzzles in the paper. Tired by my efforts I lazed for a while until I took my partner across to the beach café for toasted sandwiches and a drink. Once again they dusted the sandwich with powdered cheese, it really is an odd custom, its like the sandwich has dandruff. Returning to the apartment I find that the news paper has replied to me! They apologised and said they were investigating how it happened and sent me a PDF of the days edition with the correct puzzle. I was impressed. Rather than dash to do the puzzle I then took a nap as fatigue had caught up with me.

I woke looking forward to tonight’s England football match and set about drafting the days blog and getting ready for kick off. I am beginning to wonder what I am doing, I mean what this partial remission actually is. I know that I have to wait till the bloods at the end of November to know if my PSA is holding or rising, or racing away but in the meantime this partial remission is a mystery. Is this the “quality of life” the medics talk about, the simple absence of intervention, or the anxious waiting “to see” during which I’m free to do what I can manage? It makes it difficult to produce a script of fighting my disease. Its still there but how do I fight it if all I am doing is waiting the next attack and the oncology team offering another chemotherapy drug? All I can do is be in this suspended state not knowing if I am going to drop or not. It does not feel comfortable nor comforting. So I will try to keep exercising and loosing weight. It feels that is the most I can do at the moment. It does not feel like much. So I will watch football, take my night meds and go to bed . If all goes well then tomorrow will see me walking into town to see the art gallery.