Wednesday and the last day of cycle 28 of my chemo. On one hand that is an achievement and on the other hand its still an achievement. Although recently I have been feeling less energised and finding difficulty in focusing when I am fatigued. I am pleased to have got through the last 28 cycles. I make the effort to take my vitals so that I can complete the blood pressure average over the cycle. When I get to calculate the average blood pressure for the cycle it turns out to be 124.9/71.7. I’m okay with this, its not bad for my age and condition.

Before I get up I have a couple of moments in which I jot down a couple of new poems which seem to reflect how I am at the moment. In future I will be able to put any new poems on to the new website that is being built. here were my early (almost early) morning thoughts.

458
If I am not careful
I miss the moment.
I get caught up in the net,
both electronic and chore based.
My "to do"  list snares me
and the instant gets lost.
All this especially when a cycle ends,
when my drugs run low.
I am all over the shop,
loosing focus, mind tired
and feeling a little lost,
but I remain in the desert 
parched and craving nourishment
having swapped my Arabian thorough bred 
for a camel.
A car metaphor, as I seek to distract,
from what, I am not sure.
But I am certain I'm still
anxious about how my prostate is
doing or not doing.
Always cancer is at the root
no matter how hard I try 
to distract myself. 

                                                           458   27/0/2025

459
Meet
Roland T Woodward
a loose collection
of fantasies
in a private universe,
neither integrated 
nor organised.
What falls out
onto the page 
is no guide at all. 
A Carbon Based Species Unit
searching for meaning  
both out here with you 
and inside with me.
I am not sure which is
darkest.

                      459 27-08-2025

Nothing for ages then two come along at the same time, like buses. I finally get up, get into my training gear and then have breakfast. There are things to be done before I can train, so I set about my chores list, which includes a modicum of Hoovering, but of course not before emptying it and dehairing the roller. With my chores almost over I bring my blood pressure data base up to date. I can start cycle 29 tomorrow all square now. As my partner returns from visiting her mother with her brother I head for the garage and the rower. I set up for a 30 minute row and get myself going. Bloody hell it is a hard one, after five days I expected to be a bit stiff or tired but this was really difficult to get going in. By the end I have struggled to get over 5.5 kilometres, which is below par.

I end the session and get to the sofa and record the session in my journal and then change into something that I can travel in. Then comes the fun part of the day I drive my partner to a garden centre in the new car, Elsie, and snack on bacon sandwiches and milkshakes. Did we come away empty handed? No of course not, we plundered the cheap, end of season bargain rack for two Hibiscus plants and a pretty pot for my stolen money plant that now needs potting on. Home and I feel myself rapidly becoming spoonless so I settle down to draft the blog knowing that tonight I shall eat pasta, watch TV, fight off hot flushes and take my meds as I drift into cycle 29 hoping for more energy.