Fitbit

CHEMO DAY 12

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So here we are at a Saturday and I wake and do my mental check over.Yep everything that should move does, no headache, no temprature, not feeling sick and the usual slight twinge in my big toe. Some time ago I dropped a ten kilo weight plate on my toe in the gym. My nail turned blue and bruised for a long time but finally subsided. However I think it over reacted and in a fit of trauma and self protection grew to a thickness that an elephant would be proud of. So since that time I’ve been manageing it with the result that ocasssionally it gives me a reminder. Today was one of those days. The pidgeon egg in my midriff from the last injection had subsided a bit so all in all it looked like I’m ready for the day.

Saturday is also what I call “junkie day”. It’s the day I fill my pill organiser, which is my first task of the weekend. There is something about finding all the littleboxes empty. It means I’ve taken everything I am suppossed to. I carefully fill all the required boxes and feel reassured that no matter what happens now my pills are ready for me and if it goes really pear shaped my partner will know what I’ve taken and what remains to be taken. Of course my pill box is a rainbow.

Chores and weekly planning done my partner and I head for the great outdoors. We take ourselves off to a local park and walk like many others in the sunshine keeping a careful distant between us and the rather fine deer that live in the park. At this time of year the bucks are sporting full antlers as they move into the rutting season. Apparently its possible to go on a “Ranger Rut Walks” . I’m slightly interested in what these walks are aiming to do but suspect that the deer are not too enthusiastic about them. The serious bit of this exercise is the effort to keep fit and to try to keep my body working as well as possible. I have this belief that if I keep making the effort my body will repsond by doing its best for me. Its a trust issue. Having recieved my celebratory vibration from wrist Fitbit to tell me I’ve done 10,000 steps we head for home.

Home of course means more chores, so fruit and veg are bought and a new loo seat fitted before we drop into a the routine of cooking, eating and Saturday night TV. Strictly of course. Match of the day of course. Tomorrow sees the challenge of the gym.

CHEMO DAY 7

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Going to the gym was a portal

There I was all pleased with myself for going to the gym and doing an hour and then my back decides to go into painful spasm. Sleep becomes a trial until I can find a paracetamol to ease the pain. So now I have a quaint combination of painful back and hot flushes. The discovery is obvious, gym and chemo do not mix the way I do them. Today has been a day of trying to make good the learning by resting and organising the tasks around me in the home.

So life is moment to moment now. It’s tasks interupted by twinges: organise the plumber, rest, write a letter, rest, get the Fitbit steps in, rest, clear the kitchen, load dishwasher, rest. Realise that I have an injection to do, raid the fridge for a stab stick and then prevaricate for a while till the injecetion has warmed up. Pinch and stab, apply plaster and rest. The day would not be complete without a visit to the shop to get a paper and to do the crossword over a bacon roll in the village cafe. Lots of Fitbit steps to be had doing this, and a bonus if there are letters to post. Finaly I cook the evening meal and wait for the working family members to return. I feel like a goldfish living in small descrete chunks, its all about now. Making reliable plans is becoming a rarity at the moment.

Everything is about the moment now.

Anticipating the night

  • Sleep
  • perchance
  • to dream

I find myself getting anxious about the night and whether I will sleep. I thought I had cracked the hot flushes and found a way to deal with the interuption they create. The pains in my legs of two nights ago seemed to have subsided, but last nights back pain has thrown me, so I am planning preemptive paracetamol and a carefully rehearsed morning routine to get me up and out of the door. I’ve got commitments and I intend to fulfill them. I also have a a CT scan tomorrow evening to set my baseline. It’s going to be a long day, I just need to be kind to myself and take a steady pace.

Somewhere over the…