Wednesday and I wake up, check my fitness App to see what it says about last nights sleep as I made the effort to go to bed early. My sleep score is down to 68, apparently even though I got 9 hours 47 minutes sleep its not good. Apparently my deep sleep time was normal but my regularity is low and my awake time is 32 minutes with four interruptions in the night. My App appears to make no allowance for the fact that my prostate cancer means I get up every two to three hours to piss and that a good hot flush will wake me up in a sweat. So I digest the information and check my messages. There is a message about friend who it turns out has fallen off her horse and acquired a compression fracture of her spine. She is in hospital waiting tests and will probably be in a brace for a while. I of course send a message to my friend gently joshing her. I’ve always had reservations about one species riding on the back of another species.

I get up and go and have breakfast, open the post and take in the day. Its overcast and looks like rain, so I have another coffee and Amoretti while pondering what I am going to do. I clear the kitchen, pack my gym kit and dress. I return to the kitchen and prepare the nights meal popping everything in to the crockpot. I am waiting for my partner to go to visit her mother on her regular Wednesday visit after which I intend to go to the gym but in the meantime I start todays blog. My life is not exciting but neither is it without stimulation, its the “noise” that I find increasingly irksome, perhaps if I was busier I would not notice but I retired not to be busy. It raise questions of purpose and meaning, neither of which particularly interest me anymore. It is as it is, like love or the pouring rain that is now falling.

I go to gym via the petrol station and then via the big Sainsburys to buy the rest of the ingredients for Saturdays meal. It took me hours as I could not find the Savoiardi. They were in neither the biscuit nor the cake isle but tucked away with coffee and tea accompaniments. Finding expresso coffee that I understood took a while to, but I got there eventually having mastered the roasting scale. I proceeded to the gym where I got myself a cross trainer and set off on a 50 minute session. I had no music and once again fell back on my fantasy world. Boringly won the world cup twice in a row again. It was a reasonable session but it took me time to recover before I went back to the changing rooms. Any way I burnt 500+ calories so that will do.

I showered and washed my hair which made me feel much better, strangely. In the lounge I ordered a large black coffee and on a vaguely Easter whim indulged in a mini egg cookie. I thought it fitted in with my muesli and Amoretti diet. Any way I sipped my coffee appreciatively and nibbled away at my treat, before driving home.

Once home I unpacked my shopping, dumped damp kit in the laundry basket and checked the crockpot to make sure the meal was coming along nicely. I have an urge to spend tomorrow cooking. I settle down to draft more of the blog before tea. My evening will be food followed by football, meds and bed. I am beginning to dread the nights, I do not wake up refreshed and it takes me a while to get going. My nights are interrupted and the pleasure I used to get from sleep is no longer there. I think it is a combination of mental stuff (technical term) and my meds. My periods of deep and rewarding sleep seem to come late in the night, in fact the early morning. I am hoping that as Spring turns in to a globally warmed sweltering summer that things may improve. I like the sun and the heat, I can see why the ancient Egyptians made such a big deal out of the sun. Before I go I want to recommend a film. 3000 Years of Longing with Tilda Swinton and Edris Elba. Its a brilliant film if only to watch the performances. Its on Amazon Prime. A woman meets a Djinn and has three wishes, what would yours be, be careful Djinns and wishes can be tricky.