Friday the third day of Autumn and the second anniversary of me starting chemotherapy, so we are off to Ragdale Spa for a day of pampering and relaxation. A breakfast of marmalade bagel and coffee, quite Paddington really, and we are up and away by nine o’clock. The spa is quite close to us so we are soon collecting our soft white bathrobes and locker keys. The first place we always go is always the out door spar pool where the water is warm and there is that unique feeling of being warm in water outside. I feel like those monkeys that bath in warm springs in the middle of winter with snow laying around. Always a good place for a chat. A quick rub down and then into the salt steam room followed by the candle lit pool and then into the sauna. I really like the sauna its the first time in weeks that I have actually been warm. Time for coffee before I go off for my massage and facial. It is truly wonderful to have someone smooth you with oil and then kneed knotted muscles into relaxation. So much to thank the Romans for.

Even though I have a beard I was able to get a facial. Now I am fascinated by the facial. So many oils, creams and emoluments applied with clothes, sponges, warm flannels and finger tips. What happened to washing your face and getting on with life. I used to work with a woman who was an Avon representative who would wander into the office with bags of chemical stuff and shout to her clients “Your shit for your face is here”. She would then deliver bags to the desks of her colleagues. What amazed me was how her business boomed and boasted many regular customers, goes to show what the truth can do. I never noticed any of the buyers looking any younger, less wrinkled, smoother or rejuvenated, but I give them their due they were persistent, much to the profit of “shit for your face ” woman.

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Once I had recovered from my rub down with an oily rag and face creaming I indulged in a fresh orange juice while waiting for my partner to emerge. We head for lunch where I indulge in red pepper humus and gammon followed by the worlds smallest portion of berry crumble and custard. We retire to the retreat bar and sip post dinner coffee on a very comfortable sofa. Time slips by and we head for the swimming pool to read whilst lazing on a sun lounger. Before I know it four thirty had rolled round so I headed for the sauna for one last time while my partner swam. I repeat that I love saunas. By the time we have showered and changed its time for one last drink and something to nibble before the drive home. We pay our bill and go home feeling chilled. Once home I unload my bag and start to write the blog and realiser that I have not given them their magic locker key band back!

I guess I will be mailing it back to them. Home to the blog and a wait for my youngest daughter and her fiance to arrive. While I blog I reflect on the two years that have past from that first day in September 2019 when I was hooked up to an IV for the first time and unexpectedly told I would have to self inject into my stomach area five times every one of the six cycles. I started this blog to try and keep control of the process but more importantly as a way of telling friends and family how I am and what was happening to me. Perhaps also to save people needing to ask when it might feels awkward, I’m not sure how successful it has been but it has helped me to not avoid the tricky issues. It has also made me keep tabs on myself and to keep some sort of focus. It is easy to slip into forgetting and letting the cancer institutionalise me. I’ve had moments of forgetting that I have limited time and let some things slip by me, but by and large I think I’ve managed to stay focussed on the important stuff. I have realised that the blog is very ordinary at times but that is the dilemma. Ordinary life carries on and if I choose to keep engaged then there are times when my blog is just my ordinary life and cancer appears not to be there, however it is always there and that’s the trap. Its that permanence that can fool me into thinking that it is not there. Its in there trying to kill me 24/7/365 so the battle has to be constant and it is this that is tiring. This is how I ended my blog two years ago:

“I end my day cooking curry for the family, taking more drugs, finishing a box of maltezers, drinking three pints of water, watching TV and then settling down to write todays blog. I’m tired and my dyslexia is having a field day. I have yet to get spell check hooked into my system. I am aware that at the moment this blog is all words when my natural urge is to include pictures and pretty things. These are skill I have yet to learn but I hope to soon be able to do more for all of you who take the time and trouble to read my journey. Please feel free to comment, make suggestions and to share this blog with anyone who you think might get something from it. Good night.”

I think my message is probably still close to the above although I hope the blog is now prettier and more visually stimulating. Good night.