Tuesday and its oncologist day. So I am up and breakfasted by 9am when I am expecting to be rung by he who made a pact with the devil. Sure enough a few minutes after 9am I get a phone call, not from the expected person but someone I assume is part of the team. If there was any hope of increased humanity it quickly disappeared. Brusk and perfunctory are my chosen adjectives. Any way she noted that my PSR had risen and that my back pain had persisted from my last phone call in February. So I am told that I will be rescanned and seen in two months and that a blood form will be sent to me. She then asked if I was pissing okay and if my bowels working. She then advised me that if I found myself loosing strength in my arms and legs that I should ring the team nurse. She then rang off. My partner gave me a hard time as I had not mentioned my low platelet count. I will drink more water and wonder about whether the oncologists anxieties about the cancer in my spine turning me into a quadriplegic are realistic or not.
I log onto to the BGSPD online conference and spend my day listening to the most up to date work going on in the field of personality disorder. There is a clear modern dialogue going on about race and exclusion/inclusion. First time I had heard the phrase “comfortable around melanin”, clearly the world changes. This is how I spent my day:
As you can see I logged out at 15:30 to go and train. There comes a point where I need to look after me rather than listen to how others are looking after other people. So I go and row for 45 minutes.
I change and clear the kitchen before a friend rings for a brief chat about the day, then I take a walk around the garden with my partner to see what is new in the day.
My evening consisted of eating tea, watching football, clearing the kitchen, watching football and now writing the blog. The day has left me with much to consider. I am aware that I have not touched my poetry project out of some misplaced sense of having time. When things are going well there is a tendency to forget that I am ill and have time limits shorter than others. At the moment I just need to stick to drinking water, not eating sugar and exercising till I know what the new scans tell me, providing I can get the medical profession to share. And then I will see if the wind is blowing.
