Friday morning and I wake up again in a hotel room. I have a shower and then pack my worldly goods before going for breakfast. Last night I spent a bit of time going over the exhibiters at the Christas fair on the racecourse. There were four jewellers and two of those I knew from previous visits to York. One of the others focused on “bold ceramics” so I was not tempted to go as all the other stuff was either local food produce, at lot of which was alcohol, and knitted or crafted stuff. I thought I would save the £6 entry fee. Instead, I went to see a friend for coffee and chatted while she waited for the delivery of a new bathroom, which when arrived sat like a modern art instillation on the roadside until the builder arrived to break the pallet down and move it onto the property. I said farewell and drove home via a service station for a sandwich.

It was a good drive and I arrived home safe and sound with one thought in my head: drugs. I dumped my bags and went straight to the chemist in the village to collect my drugs, including the injection for Monday. It will be a week late, but it’s been nice to have made the visit to York without a hen’s egg lump in my gut. I return home just as my partner returns from the gym. In my post I find two blood forms and an appointment letter for my next oncology review. It’s not going to be early November at all but on the 24th, the 3rd anniversary of me and my partners civil partnership anniversary. So, I will get my face to face at 9:15 in the morning and have the rest of the day to get off my face if necessary. I pack my clothes away and then check the garden and deduce by the lack of leaves that the garden guy has been and tidied up for us. I also ascertain that Fort Hog has had its food eaten so take the time to replenish it. Its time my hedgehog went to sleep I think, hopefully the colder coming weather next week might do the trick. Back to the chores, I empty the dishwasher and stow things away before realising that it has gone dark. I do a bit of quick Christmas Shopping online and then I settle down to start the blog.

Tonight, I am anticipating the arrival of my youngest daughter so tonight we might be a full family house. Hopefully I will still get to see the England women’s football team play Japan before I have an early night, as tomorrow morning at 6:30 the English women’s rugby team play New Zealand in the final of the world cup. A good excuse for bacon sandwiches.

I always return from my trips to York to see my mentor and catch up with friends and colleagues feeling more balanced and clearer about moving forward. This time has been particularly helpful as it is the first thinking space I’ve had about me since I fully retired in mid-June. I’ve adjusted well and do not miss anything this time and I have also been able to plan for the future. There are still elements of battling with cancer that will crop up, but I have a better grip on them now and feel less deterred by them. I think I feel in less of a hurry in some strange way.

Thursday and I wake up in a strange bed in the hotel. Eric Sarte plays as my alarm. I check my social media and give myself a mental once over to see how I am. So far so good. It’s time to shower and then go and eat breakfast, always a bit of an adventure in a hotel. At least this time I do not have to go far as my room is on the ground floor. Perhaps they saw my age and took pity on me or they just squeezed me in where they could as it appears from the fullness of the car park that they busy. So, another day starts with me drafting the start of today’s blog whilst still in bed.

I go to breakfast and load up on protein. The morning passes as I get ready to meet my mentor. I set out and I am soon eating a sandwich with my mentor and a colleague of hers. Post sandwich we move, and I am soon settled on my mentor’s settee talking through the issues on my mind. We talk and drink coffee with a quick break for some business. In what felt like a blink of an eye it is dark and I am in the car driving back to the hotel. Of all the things from my old professional life, keeping up the practice of seeing a mentor is the best thing I do. It is invaluable to me to be able to check out my perceptions and to explore options. I may not be a practicing clinician anymore, but I have a life to run and a battle to fight. My partner rings and we chat through our days. As she goes off to prepare for her singing lesson, I catch up on the blog and then go to the hotel restaurant to feed myself. The restaurant no longer does steak except ribeye, so I have the curry followed by ice cream and coffee. This will have to be paid for in training before Sunday’s weigh in. I return to my room having scribbled some thoughts and settle down for the night. It will be night meds and sleep. Coming to York and talking to friends and my mentor makes me realise how much they are dealing with in their own life’s and how, when it comes down to it, I am blessed in many ways. Being existential in outlook and valuing the here and now I am fortunate that I can appreciate how life is from moment to moment. This is it, or as a friend of mine labels her WhatsApp “This is not a rehearsal”.

Wednesday up early and straight to the garage to get todays rower session in before going to York. It’s an effort this early but this is Rocket time and there is a goal: staying alive for as long as reasonably possible.

The session goes well for an early morning session and means I will only miss the Thursday session from this week’s schedule. The goal this week is to dip under 96 kilos. I bring the recycling bins back onto the drive and then I head for the garden where I check Fort Hog. The food is gone so I replenish the bowl. That will cover tonight and perhaps Thursday night as well. Finally, I settle down to my muesli and fresh coffee breakfast and the first draft of the blog. Now it’s time to get ready to travel.

The drive to York was smooth with one stop for a sandwich. I arrive at the York marina where I meet and old colleague for a coffee and a sandwich. It’s good to catch up and hear how the impending move to a new home is going. Before long I am on the road again and soon checked into the hotel. I’ve booked a restaurant in town and will see if another friend who is battling long COVID is available to dine. In these times of spoon economics and the struggle to survive nothing can be for certain. As it turns out she has enough energy to make the trip, so we dine and chat over a meal. It is clear that the effort of coming out is a large one as it need a sleep during the day to have the energy. I am glad that we had the chance to catch up and compare our experiences of the issues we face. Back at the hotel I take my meds, jot notes and catch up with the blog.

Tuesday and I wake and nap. At about 9 o’clock I get up and have my usual muesli breakfast. I think I am addicted to the honey since I cut out sweets and biscuits. Rocket is not pleased and suggests I drop the bee juice. He might have a point. I take my meds and move on. In an effort to attend to myself I spend some pamper time trimming my beard. That was all the pampering I was getting today. I retrieved the steam cleaner from the garage and set it up. Once it was bubbling away nicely, I set about steam cleaning the carpets in the lounge and dining room. To my surprise it turns out that steam cleaning carpets works. They may not be pristine, but they are much better and look reasonable. I am pleased with myself and once I’ve restored the machine back in the garage, I order new head covers for it anticipating that I will be carpet and upholstery cleaning again quite soon. Now that I am in the groove, I empty the hoover and get to work on the carpets around the house. By the time I am finished I’m feeling a bit tired, so I take a nap.

Alexa wakes me up as requested and I check my social media. I feel strangely energetic and change into my training gear but divert myself by going to feed the hog. All the food had gone so either the hog is still eating and not hibernating, or I am making some mice and rats very happy. I note in passing that the squirrel is appreciating the refilled feeder. The squirrel is particularly active at the moment. While out in the garden and in the Shed I take the opportunity to spray the felt tacks on the roof of the Shed with a rubber sealer. I think these may have been the root source of the leak that I had a little while ago. It does not look aesthetically pleasing but it should do the job. I put the ladder away and then I have no excuse not to train, but wait the recycling bins need putting out so that takes another bite of time and delays the pain. Finally, I am astride the rower strapping my feet on and setting up the session. Today it will be 45 minutes on my normal resistance level. At last on the stroke of 4 o’clock I make the first pull. 45 minutes later I am done and pleased with what I’ve done.

It is a reasonable session, and I am pleased that I have made the effort. I record the session in my journal and grab a hand full of sultanas adn cashew nuts as I’ve not eaten since this morning. I sit and let Rammstein play in my ears for a while until I become aware that I am beginning to chill. I change into my Merlin leopard gown and start to draft the blog while my partner cooks tea. I’m listening to the radio via the TV and I am conscious that I am asking myself what is on the TV tonight and realise just how dependant I am becoming on the TV to provide me with entertainment. I hear my internal voice mockingly saying “In my day we made our own entertainment. You younger generation are spoon feed and lazy; I don’t know what the world is coming too.” I think that it quite true, I could do so much else but in my defence, I would say that there are days when I am knackered and just want to be entertained without me having to put the effort in. Tonight, could be one of those nights after my active day. Tomorow I head north to York to see friends and old colleagues. Unfortunately the King is turning up to unveil a statue of his mum in York tomorrow so I guess traffic might be an issue. I also noted that there is a big market on the racecourse close to my hotel so I might find some treasures of Yorkshire for Christmas presents. First an early night so I can train in the morning and check the car.

Monday and I am up early enough to get to the GP surgery as it opens to explain that I have not ordered my injection. I rearrange the appointment for next Monday. I go home have breakfast and then return to the problem of the website that continues not to respond. As the morning goes on I get more exasperated, thoroughly pissed off by lunchtime I consume soup and head for the garden. The squirrel is being busy, so I clean out the feeding box and top it up with peanuts. I check the Fort Hog and find the food gone so replenish it. I then check the garden camera. Not a hog in sight for a couple of weeks now. So who or what is eating the food. I have a lot of pictures of next doors cat but no evidence that it can get into Fort Hog to get the food. Perhaps rodents and hibernation are the explanation.

I return to the pesky website and send uncomplimentary feedback. I then wrestle with the configuration and finally the site starts to play ball, I finish off yesterday’s blog and post it before starting on todays. I feel so frustrated as I have yet to train. I had hoped for today to be a good day and to have quality Shed time and write something, instead I will go grumpily to the garage and let Rocket lose on the rower. It is amazing how malfunctioning tech can whittle away a day and make me feel that I have wasted a day. There are odd moment of distraction such as a postcard from a friend on holiday in France and my partner setting the window cleaner right about how crap they were last time. I hope to retrieve my day this evening despite the Tesco delivery. It would appear that losing weight and crap technology induces a sense of humour bypass in me.

Sunday and I wake up and idly lay there until I suddenly realise that I have not ordered my injection for tomorrow morning. There is a burst of self-directed abuse and then I set about ordering my drugs. They will not arrive in time, so I need options. Firstly, it might be possible to locate a Firmagon injection at a chemist. I look for possible candidates, Boots seems the most likely, opening at 11 o’clock. Cutting it fine as we are dining out at 1 o’clock. The other option is to rebook it for next Monday, a week won’t kill me. No predicting how quickly the drugs will turn up at the village chemist and I ‘m away on Wednesday to York so a push on to next Monday will do the job. All I have to do is pop down the GP tomorrow morning and explain the situation and own up to being a twat.

I next head to the bathroom where I lighten myself as much as possible before stepping onto the scales. This is crunch time, the first battle of the new Rocket era.



99.6 kilos! a drop of 2.4 kilos. Oh yes! I knew I could depend on Rocket. This the first battle won. Now to move on in the campaign. 90 kilos by Christmas.

Time for breakfast and an attempt to ring my youngest daughter. Call goes through but she is on a treadmill at the gym and will ring us back later. My partner, eldest daughter and I get ready to go to a friend’s house for Sunday lunch. At the appointed hour I drive my clan to our friends arriving unfashionably early. We are wined and dined wonderfully with eastern delights and then plied with cheeses, grapes and biscuits before being really cuisinely pampered with fresh coffee, chocolates and mints. A delicious way to spend a Sunday afternoon. It’s a real pleasure to chat, catch up and exchange stories, observations and ideas. The afternoon just disappears and all too soon itis time for us to leave. I drive us home in time for the Strictly results show. The rest of the evening for me is battling with the blog platform that will not save anything. I am increasingly frustrated and irritated, and I chunter during the TV background of SAS Rogue Heroes, which increasingly matches my homicidal miffedness as the techno problems persist. In the end I give up, there is clearly a problem at their end. I take my meds and go to bed knowing that tomorrow I will have to return to the dodgey website and also put an effort into training to counteract today’s chocolate indulgence. (This was finally completed on a wet Monday afternoon after much hassle with the website provider.

Saturday and I wake early to see if the England women’s rugby match is on ITV hub yet. It’s not. I make warm drinks and take them back to bed where my partner and I do our Saturday morning catch up. Breakfast follows and we talk Christmas presents. I watch a rugby match but by half time It’s clear that England are running away with it, so my partner and I go vegetable shopping at the local garden centre. Back home there are more rugby matches to watch until it is no longer possible to avoid doing two things: one, feed the hedgehog and, two, train.

The hedgehog had eaten some of its food, so I replenish the dish and return to the house where I go to the rower in the garage. I’ve got more layers on than usual as the garage is cold and I intend to row slowly. I still have anxieties after yesterday’s blood post training, so I am being tentative as I go into the session. I have the radio on and set out slower for my half hour at my normal resistance level. It goes okay but I am feeling tired and looking forward to my rest day tomorrow.

I record the session in my food and training journal before changing into my evening slob around clothes and settling in front of the TV for Strictly and an early evening. All around is the sound of fireworks as the local community celebrate a tragic failure and occasionally, we get a free burst of bright lights and sparks. I wonder what the hedgehog makes of it. It will be an early night for me in readiness for my Sunday weigh in. I am desperate for it to be below 99 kilos. If I mange that I might allow myself to indulge in a treat when out for lunch with friends tomorrow. Whatever happens it will be a rest day.

Friday and I wake up late, very late and I feel like I am suffering from Poo Bear fluffy head. I think my tendency to sleep deeper in the morning becomes more pronounced when I am nearing the end of my 28-day cycle. I get up and drift around in my Merlin robe for a while making myself an egg roll breakfast with my now regular fresh coffee. Eventually I get myself dressed and check my social media and do a few bits of life admin. It’s getting close to lunch time and my partner is on her way to the physiotherapist to continue her course of treatment. A friend rings who I have not had a chat with for ages. It is really good to catch up and to hear how she is doing and how her family is faring. Life with a young family is always challenging and things come up fast and furiously, so it was good to hear my friend energised.

My daughter goes off into town and I make a run for it to the gym. I’m not feeling enthusiastic about it, but I get myself out of the house. I fill the car and check the tyres on the way to the gym, where I change and get up onto the gym floor. I get a cross trainer, dial in my 45 minutes, my weight and my resistance level (11), and then set off with Rammstein in my ears and wheelchair rugby league on the screen. So, the 45 minutes passes followed by the 5-minute warm down. I have burnt 525 calories over 5.33 kilometres. It’s a reasonable session, I do not push hard, it’s the equivalent of a jog. I walk around the gym floor two or three times to warm down then head for the changing rooms. I pop into the toilet for a quick pee and find I am passing blood. I am not amused, it’s clear that whatever is going on the cross trainer needs to be dropped. In future if I’m going to the gym, it will be for a swim. I shower feeling a bit glum and then change. I retreat to the lounge and order a large americano and a large bottle of water. I drink the coffee and then head for home.

Once home I put my washing in, hang my towel up to dry and then go to feed the hedgehog. Fort Hog reveals that my hog has eaten but not all the food and I wonder if Hog is tapering down to hibernation. I bring my partners car back onto the drive and then settle down to relax and rest. My next piss still has blood in it, I drink more water. My partner makes tea, and we sit and eat with the wild extravagance of the gas fire on for a few minutes. We try to continue to watch a series on i-player, but it keeps dropping out. I start to draft the blog and resign myself to a quiet evening before Have I got News for You and the historical Mock the Week. I am disconcerted and angry with my body, it’s going to take longer to get fit and lose the weight. It gets tough earlier than I thought so now it’s time to be creative and adapt. Rocket has his work cut out but that’s what he is there inside me for.

Thursday and I wake early as my partner is going into work. I laze for a little while with my phone in bed and deal with my social media, a very quick exercise these days. I’m up thinking protein but resort to muesli again and fresh coffee. I suspect I go for muesli as I add honey to it, the only sweet stuff that now enters my body. Dishwasher unloaded and loaded again I prepare to go to the Shed. Once in my haven I turn the heater on for a bit of a blast and then get on with my life admin tasks that I had set myself. By lunchtime I was well organised and feeling peckish. In a moment of indulgence and protein craving I walk to the village cafe and down a sausage and bacon baguette while doing a crossword. Its and old habit that I had not indulged for a while. I enjoyed it but it remains an indulgence now. Back home I chatted with m eldest daughter for a while and then thought about training. My back still aches but a deal with Rocket is a deal, so I changed into my training gear and headed for the rower in the garage. Today was to be a half hour session but at my usual resistance level. Its chilly (winter chilly) but I have Rammstein in my ears and so I get going. It’s hard but I get a decent session in. Over 400 calories burnt over more than 6 kilometres.

Before I can rest there is the hog to feed, so I go and check Fort Hog. Some of the food has gone so I replenish the dish with fresh food and replace the roof on the canteen. I finally get back into the lounge to record my session and down 750cc of water. My partner returns home from work felling like she has been “pupped” all day. Now that it is a rare occurrence for people to go into the workplace there is a lot of rubbing noses to be done adn if you’re a manager your nose gets rubbed more than most. I settle down to draft the blog while tea is being prepared. Tonight, I am giving my eldest daughter a lift to “silks” where she has promised to film herself. A friend’s daughter is keen on circus skills and so I said I would ask my daughter if she would do a quick video of her doing silks or hoop. So that’s tonight’s deal. I drive her to silks, wait and then drive her back. The rest of my evening will be football and an early night, as I intend to go to the gym tomorrow to get a cross trainer session in and Rocket needs his sleep.

Wednesday and I wake up fuzzy, the result of my meds so it takes a while to get going, but when I do I breakfast on muesli and fresh coffee. Today I thought I would try to exercise early and decided to go to the gym and use a cross trainer. I drove to the gym and was soon stepping out on a cross trainer. I no longer have a working Fitbit or equivalent, so I am in the dark about steps at the moment but more importantly I cannot check my heart rate post session. When it comes down to it, I guess it doesn’t matter the important thing is to just do it.

The session went okay. Fifty minutes on the cross trainer which netted me 518 calories burnt over 5.19 kilometres. I go to the changing rooms and sit and recover before indulging in a warm shower. I post shower rest and I chill by brushing my hair, finally dressing in my new giant size pants to avoid too tight fashionable ones. I sit in the lounge and drink a vast americano and eat a bacon and egg Brioche roll for lunch while reading Reaper Man. It is surprisingly touching and touched the odd nerve. The Prostate Awareness crew were in the lounge and said hello to me as I walked past them on the way in. They did not approach me while I sat in the lounge post session. I had a quick look to see if they had any of those nice man badges for prostate cancer, but they did not. Had they had the odd one to hand out I might have flashed my Gleeson score and claimed a freebie, but it was not to be. I drove home to my afternoon chore of mending the bathroom light.

What a pain the arse that turned out to be. I needed to relay some loft boards to get to where I needed to be. That of course did not go smoothly, these things never do. so, after much tool usage and swearing I finally get to the light fitting and work my magic. The bloody thing still would not work until I changed the bulb and then suddenly life was good. By this time I am truly knackered and as I gather up my tools I twinge my back, which elicits a very load yelp and an even louder “Bugger me”. Slowly I put my tools away and drive myself to go adn check Fort Hog. It dark by now and pissing with rain, so I’m not a little grumpy. The hog has fed so I replace his/her food and then retreat to the house and settle down to a well-earned cold non-alcohol beer. I start to draft the blog and whilst doing so my partner and then her friend arrives. They go out in the pouring rain to a local pub for pie night while I will improvise with my eldest daughter and watch football. Toady has been a reasonable second Rocket Day, I’ve trained, not eaten sweets or biscuits and beavered away in the loft. It is going to have to be enough for today. I have the joy of seeing friends for a meal at the weekend and next week I am going to York to catch up with my mentor and coffee with old colleagues. That is far as I am willing to think right now. Christmas will have to wait a bit, these are Rocket days.