Saturday and it I wake late to make drinks for my partner and I before we get up for the day. We chat for a while and plan Christmas admin and the “to do” tasks for the weekend. We eventually get up and have a breakfast of bacon sandwiches. It’s time to start in on the stuff to do. Before we can get started, we get both a post-delivery and an Amazon drop so there are things to squirrel away before we can get on with things. We drive to our local garden centre to stock up on veg, fruit and meat. On the way back we stop at the garage, and I do an impromptu lesson on checking and filling the tyres on the car. This was prompted by the low tyre pressure warning light coming on in the car. It turns out that the front nearside tyre was down to 21psi. By the time we got home the bloody low pressure warning light had come on again. Clearly a new job to take care of.

Once home the goodies get unpacked, and I settle down to watch the first knockout match on the World Cup. The rest of the household disappear to start the secret Christmas wrapping. The Netherlands beat the plucky USA team 3-1. It was an average game. Now it’s my turn to be active. I get into my training gear and head for the garage. I’ve decided to do a 45-minute session at my lower level of resistance. I get going and gradually get into my rhythm. In the end the session turns out to be a reasonable one with me having burnt 600+ calories over 9+ kilometres.

I just have time to get my kit off and eat tea before the start of the next match. Argentina versus Australia. Of course, the plucky socceroos were not good enough and the Argentinians end up winning 2-1. I move on to drafting the blog to the TV wallpaper of Midsommer Murders. The day has somehow disappeared and here I am spoonless and looking forward to tomorrow my rest day, not that I will as I have a pile of things to do before the new week kicks in. Tomorrow is the all-important weigh in day. I find this week I have been constantly hungry and craving something sweet, so I am hoping the scales give me good news and a reason to have my once-a-week sweet treat. I feel tired but this is Rocket time and will go being so until my next oncology review in January. Only then will I know if doing what I can control will have any effect on my PSA levels.

Friday and I wake after a fitful night in which I got up at 4:30 and did some more Christmas shopping before returning to bed to sleep till 8 o’clock. I have breakfast and coffee. I clear the kitchen and continue to do Christmas admin. At an odd moment I send one of my nephews and his wife happy anniversary wishes as they speed towards London for a treat. Another friend and her wife are off to the Spa, I begin to think that post training I should indulge in a long warm bath bomb bath. Before anything else I put together tonight’s meal in the crockpot. So, at kick off tonight there will be a chicken and chorizo stew to be eaten. I change into my kit and trudge to the garage to row so that I can earn my treat.

I do a half hour at my normal resistance level. It feels an effort and I wonder if I am just tiring at the end of the weeks training. Anyway, I persist and grind out a below average session. It’s always a sign of fatigue if I fail to burn 400+ calories or row less than 6 kilometres in half an hour.

Before I get out of my kit, I return the garden camera to its station giving it a baseball cap cover to keep the rain off the lens. I change and prepare tomato soup for lunch and settle into watching the afternoon world cup football match. While doing so I do some life admin, arranging a meal table and reorganising a parcel delivery. Some more Christmas deliveries arrive along with the latest letter from my oncologist to my GP. I still cannot get used to reading the phrase, “DIAGNOSIS: Metastatic castration-resistant prostate cancer”. It’s not exactly poetic nor comforting. In fact, it’s just a rugged reminder of the shit I am in. However, I am also bought a lottery ticket by my partner so I expect by Monday I shall be ironically filthy rich. At the end of the football match, I go for my promised soak in a bath bomb bath.

It turns out that the expectation of a delicious warm bath was better than the actual experience. I had planned a long soak and a read, but the water was not that warm even if it is bath bomb aromatic and sparkling. So, I cut short my ablutions and return to the sofa and an evening that will include the chicken crockpot meal and the last of the group stage world cup football matches. My weekend to do list is growing as I prepare for my partners birthday on Monday and that the household has a supply of vegetables and other necessary goodies. Of course, there will be tension as the BBC has moved Strictly to Friday night to clash with the football on the other channel. Negotiations are under way. What lays ahead is a weekend of Christmas wrapping, review and reorientation where necessary, and of course birthday preparation for my partner’s birthday on Monday.

Thursday and I wake up feeling a little more chipper than yesterday. I have breakfast and morning meds and check my bank accounts. All the usual out goings and in comings are in place so I can plan the run in to the new year and Christmas. So here we go into the hurly burly of Christmas admin mixed in with the run up to my face-to-face oncology review in January. I must get my cancer admin right this month as a priority. There is a postal strike again today so I will wait anxiously over the next few days to see whether my sendings arrive and my orders turn up. First job today is booking the Tesco delivery slots for the remainder of the year. I get this done and then do a bit more Christmas shopping on the internet. Finally for the morning I draft my reply to the Elders group thanking them for their message and wishing them luck for the future.

I take a brief break and start to draft the blog. I decide to train before I have any more food today, so I get myself ready. Today its 7 degrees in the garage so I decide to get the thermals out and to go for an hours session. While in my kit I go out to Fort Hog in the garden and refill the food bowl even though I think the likelihood is that next doors cat is eating most of it. I also retrieve garden camera to view later. I then go to the garage and strap myself onto the rower and gently set out. An hour later I am still comfortable and have completed the hour. I have burnt 700+ calories and gone in excess of 11 kilometres.

I record my session and have a mug of soup. I sit and recover for a while until I begin to feel the post chill set in, so I change into my football watching gear and settle down to review the garden camera captures. I find two things of interest, firstly my hedgehog puts in an appearance some nights ago and a fox has put in an appearance. Clearly as winter draws in the animals and birds are coming in from the fields as food becomes scarce.

The camera captures are downloaded, and I transfer some to the blog. This completed as the world cup football starts, Spain (strong favourites) versus Japan and I eat tea enthralled by what looks like an easy match for Spain, until that is Japan score two quick goals. This is how championship football should be. By the end of tonight’s matches both Spain and Japan go through at the expense of Germany after a breath-taking evening of football. At last, the championship comes alive. I finish off the drafting of the blog and prepare for an early night. Night meds, reading and sleep.

Wednesday and I wake up feeling very Shrek donkey, I could do with a hug. I delay getting up until I’ve done my social media and email check.

I get myself up and have my usual muesli breakfast and fresh coffee before clearing the kitchen and trying to get focussed. I get a WhatsApp from an old colleague asking for advice/information, which I reply to and then settle down to check my life and cancer admin. I find an email from my sister and reply to her. In no time at all it is lunchtime, and my partner goes out to visit her mother. I get myself changed into my training gear and head for the garage. As I did not train yesterday having pissed blood post training on Monday, I need to do a reasonable session but a controlled one, so I select a 45-minute session at a lower level. I bulldog clip my earphones to my track suit and set off to the sounds of Radio Ones Chill Anthems (so down with the kids). It is a slow and gentle session but burns 500+ calories over 8+ kilometres.

I get myself out of the garage and change into some sloppy football watching gear. I make myself a fried sandwich and fresh coffee and as I head for the lounge, I bump into my eldest daughter coming in with her academic supervisor. They had arranged to meet in the village pub only to find it is closed this lunchtime, so they hunker down in our dining room to talk things academic. I settle down in the lounge to watch football and to do some more Christmas shopping, before I start to draft the blog for the day. I can feel the weather getting cold and have already put the heating on. It feels like winter is here. My evening is football and a film “The Wonder”, which I recommend. I do my night meds and go to bed looking forward to December and a fresh page on my cash book. Roll on Christmas.

Tuesday and I wake up to the sound of my partner going out to the physio. I get up, do breakfast and just as I am downing my fresh coffee my partner returns. A five-car pileup on the way out of the village has prevented her from getting to the physio. An alternative time has been arranged. I saunter about doing Christmas admin stuff for a while and then go to the Shed to write letters and to further surf the net looking for meaningful presents for people. I have some success. I do manage to write a letter and then find I have only one stamp left. By lunchtime I am hungry and retreat to the house noting on my back to it that a rose bush is flowering. I ask you it’s almost December and yet this plant has lost all sense of propriety and is blatantly going out on a stem.

My partner returns from her lunchtime walk clutching (no pun intended) a dozen eggs. She has discovered that where Tesco (multinational food giant) has failed to provide our local shop and post office has succeeded. We celebrate with soup and a roll before she returns to the office for a team meeting over Teams. I pop over to the post office to send items and buy stamps. Of course, while I am there, I snaffle another dozen eggs, a paper and some non-alcohol beer for tonight’s big match. England play Wales in a must win game at the world cup. My afternoon is listless. I feel cold, its 15 degrees in doors. I put the bins out for tomorrow’s collection and move the cars onto the drive in the right order to facilitate my partners travel needs tomorrow. I retrieve a touch activate bedside lamp from the garage and spruce it up so my partners mother can try it out tomorrow to see if it meets her needs. Then I try to contact my sister, but she does not answer the phone, I assume she is busy and leave her a message on her mobile and then send her an email. My afternoon drifts and I feel as if I have a cold coming, I am half waiting for a mystery DHL delivery which I am assured by the tracker is out for delivery and will be with me soon. I am intrigued as I’ve no idea what it can be. By half four I notice that it is dark and after checking the updated energy bill for the month, I put the gas fire on for a while to thaw out and start to draft the blog.

The evening will be football and if I am lucky the penultimate episode of Wednesday while sipping a chilled non-alcohol beer. I had a strange craving for a medicinal brandy the other day. I am sure its related to Christmas coming and the old memories of my nondrinking mother who dead on 10 o’clock on Christmas morning would propose a sherry for everyone. It seems strange not to have a little something at Christmas, yet I’ve managed it for the last three years and prior to that I had periods in my life when I did not drink for years at a time, so I suspect the urge is something more than just a Christmas thing. I have friends who clearly enjoy the festive booze and I suspect I am jealous of their freedom to be able to indulge. I am conscious that I am having a set of bloods done and the results through in Christmas week, so I will be getting an up-to-date indication of how well my kidneys are functioning. As tempting as it is, my strategy is based on sabotaging myself as little as possible as I grapple with my cancer. Large amounts of alcohol are probably not wise no matter what the celebration. I end todays blog with the news that England won and play Senegal on Sunday in the knockout stage. I finish the Wednesday series and thoroughly enjoyed it. Night meds and bed.

Monday and I wake up warmly comfortable under the fluffy duvet and grudgingly get up to a breakfast of toast and fresh coffee. Before I eat, I weigh myself and I am pleased that I weigh in at 96.4 kilos, that’s just 0.2 kilos heavier than last week. Given that my training was restricted, and I was away for the weekend I am content with a minimal rise in weight. Meds taken I set about writing my to do list to get me through the week and to help me focus and prioritise till Christmas. Once complete I set out on my easy to do jobs that require me to be outside in the garden. I refill the bird feeders, top up the squirrel feeder and put fresh food in Fort Hog. Then I set about the main task of unblocking and clearing the down pipe from the guttering that feeds the water butt. The main pipe is clearly clogged but using my fiendish drain unblocking device I finally get the drainpipe clear and ensure that the flow is restored. Job done I pack away the tools and move inside.

As I sip a rewarding fresh coffee and open my post to find that I have a CT scan appointment for the 30th of December, so I am going to have a busy end of the year. I continue to move things from my end of the sofa office to the upstairs bedroom unit, which means I can have minimal crap around me apart from essential life and poetry admin along with my day-to-day journals and cash book. Having cleared the space, I can clean and polish the sofa side table and settle down to watch the end of yet another world cup football match. A 3-3 draw this one and quite exciting. So I arrive at lunch time feeling that I am making head way on the to do list. After a quick roll and coffee I settle down again to do some internet shopping. It is a tricky business trying to find the right thing for people and to time the deliveries. Of course, there is another football match going on but by now it is just wallpaper. I am shopped out quite quickly and resort to reading the gas and electric meters. Having checked they are in line with the previous months I submit them and note that our credit is currently in good shape but come the dread end of March I expect that to change. I am feeling the effort of the day and know that I cannot put off training much longer.

I get into my kit and make my way to the garage. I set myself up for a half hour row at my normal resistance level. It goes okay although I am feeling sluggish. Once again, I manage to go over the 6 kilometre and burn in excess of 400 calories.

After the session I rest for a while with the football on in the background. Eventually I get changed out of my kit and note that there is blood in my urine. I am disappointed as I did not think I had pushed hard in my training session. I start to drink lemon squash to help it clear over the next couple of hours. My partner and I eat tea and settle down for the evening. There is the final football match to watch, and I start to draft the blog. Tesco deliver mid-way through the evening, and I find that they have run out of eggs. Clearly the bird flu epidemic has hit the egg market and supply hard. So tomorrow I may well go on an egg hunt. I find some more photos from our visit to the butterfly zoo and decide to include them here as I think they are extraordinary.

So today ends with some more TV and meds before I go to bed. Tomorrow needs to be a Sheed day as I catch up with my letter writing and also check the garden camera to see if my hedgehog has been around.

Sunday and I wake up again in the Forest of Dean and I am brought a coffee by my youngest daughter to rouse us. My partner and I share bacon sandwiches with our youngest daughter and her fiancé. More coffee, conversation and morning meds follow. By lunchtime we leave for home as our hosts go off to Wales to the Big Pit mining museum.

The drive home goes very smoothly with no need for a stop. I am proud that over both journeys to and from our daughters that I was able to restrict my wine intake to less than half a bag. A swift coffee once I am home and then I set about unpacking and then reorganising the now emptier unit in the back bedroom as we have delivered some of its contents to our daughter. I relocate the books that have accumulated at my end of the sofa since the onset of COVID and my confinement and loss of office to home working by y partner. I’m quietly impressed with my reading over the last three years. Of course, once I get to the point at which I can do no more immediate reorganising I resort to World Cup football. The rest of the afternoon and evening is taken up with football, doing the Tesco order and drafting the blog. I then relax and settle into watching Wednesday the Netflix Addams family spin off. Its excellently dark and ironic. Filled with dark humour I go to bed.

https://youtu.be/3fRrfWOPSbU

Friday and it is the morning of watching Wales throw away their world cup chances by losing to Iran 2-0 and getting ready to drive to the Forest of Dean to see my youngest daughter and her fiancé. The dilemma was whether to buy wine gums for the journey or not. Having fulfilled the post football chores like feeding the hedgehog and filling the bird feeders I walked to the shop and got my driving wine gums. I had been reassured by a friend that the car was “a safe space” when it came to wine gums. Provisions acquired I load the car and my partner, and I set off for the Forest.

The drive was a good one for the distance with bright slanty sunshine in my eyes most of the way and only minimal delay due to road works on the M5. we have one stop for a pee and then drove on to arrive about 4 o’clock in the afternoon. We were greeted with coffee and time to catch up before our evening meal of chicken and chorizo with mash, a good warming autumnal meal. Soon after we drove to the local cinema, which is an incredibly quaint old-style cinema run as a private one as the owner just wants to be a cinema owner. There are no more than 10 of us in to watch the film on a Friday night. I sat through Black Panther Wakanda Forever for its 160+ minutes with luxury leg room. The comfort and the popcorn were excellent. The film was a disappointing follow up to the original and smacked of a girlie version for the sake of it. Most of the men in the film were portrayed as either power driven Neanderthals or weak ineffectual men, but then that’s a common trend across all media at the moment. We returned home to bed down for the night with me and partner snuggled under double duvets. By the end of the day, I am spoonless having driven so I was glad to get to bed.

Saturday and I wake to morning meds and black coffee. I get up slowly and make myself a second coffee before I join the rest of the household in the kitchen. We have croissants and fresh coffee and plan our day. We decide to visit a butterfly zoo and so we pile into a car and drive to Symonds Yat. We arrive at the zoo and get into the viewing area and find ourselves surrounded by beautiful butterflies. What follows is a sample of my photos and if the technology allows my new discovery of super slow motion.

When we are all butterflied out, we return to the car and drive to the Forest of Dean Heritage centre. We arrive at ten minutes past two o’clock to find they stopped doing food at 2 o’clock. Grumpily and disappointed we return home and eat sandwiches and coffee in the comfort of home. I start to draft the blog for the last two days before we get ready to go out for a good pub meal this evening at the Dog and Muffler. I anticipate an evening of good food, conversation, games and finally bed.

Thursday and once again I wake engulfed by the new fluffy duvet. These days it’s very tempting to stay snuggled down in the fluffiness, however I do get up and sort out my breakfast. There is of course football match on TV but a little way in a friend rings me and we chat for a long time. It was good to have the time to catch up and to compare how Christmas preparations are going. We range across lots of issues for an hour until my friend has to go to continue her progress around the supermarkets. I return to the football match until I get to fill in my world cup chart with the result.

There is more football coming but I cannot watch anymore, my conscience just won’t allow me to, so I change into my training kit. As my cold has stopped me from training over the last two days I need to put in a longer session, so I decide that I will go for an hour but reduce the resistance level by one. I get into the garage and find it is quite chilly and the rain is pouring down as I get strapped onto the rower.

The session starts slowly as I am wary of doing an hour after a couple of days off. I also have a lingering fear that an hour rowing might lead to me pissing blood again, so I am gentle with myself. The session goes smoothly once I am warmed up. Once I get through the first half hour, I relax a bit and then pick off the remaining time in five-minute chunks that roughly equate to 1000 metres. At the end of the hour, I am satisfied with the session and glad that I have it out of the way for today. As I am going away for the weekend I need to think when I can train, if at all and keep an eye on my diet.

I return to the lounge and record the session and sit and stare for a while. I change out of my kit and put my washing in. To refuel I make peanut toast and coffee. I settle down with I am David my new book from my friend. It is supposed to be a children’s book, but it does not read like a child’s book and its subject is very adult and although written in the early 1960s and deals with the issues that surrounded the forced labour camps that held up to 2.5 million people. As I say not easy stuff for children but written so it is accessible.

More football follows as does tea. I retrieve my washing and hang it on the airer before settling down to draft the blog to the background wallpaper off Brazil versus Serbia. In truth I have run out of spoons right now and have started to plan my day tomorrow. I need to train, pack for the weekend and drive down to the Forest of Dean. A busy day in which I will have to resist the temptation of “driving wine gums”.

Wednesday and I wake up under the fluffy new duvet and I am still pleased at the decision to buy one. I get up and shower in preparation for my visit to the chiropodist. A quick coffee and morning meds and I drive to the next village where my chiropodist practices. I park in the local co-op store car park and walk over to the chiropodist. A surprise awaits me. My usual chiropodist Jane has retired, and I am greeted by Emma. It turns out that Jane has legged it into retirement and handed on her practice to Emma. Emma has graduated this year and as a local and a friend of Jane has taken over the practice. She tells me all this as she soaks my feet in magic nail softening solution. I of course grill her (subtly) about how she became a chiropodist and what sort of course she did. She has the scalpel in her hand as she explains the three-year degree and all the placements that she did and what a network the chiropodists have. So, after more gentle prodding about future plans: it’s possible to do an MSc apparently, and to build a chain of clinics, I am done and finished with a gentle massage of foot cream. Back to the co-op to collect pizzas and the car. I return home with happy feet and have breakfast.

I watch a football match and then refill the bird feeders. The birds are hungry and emptying the feeders quickly. Winter is here as the birds have come in from the fields. The squirrels are going through peanuts like there is no tomorrow. The food has gone from Fort Hog so I top the bowl up before returning to the house. I skip lunch as I had a late breakfast and set about writing my Christmas cards. I return to last year’s list and cross off the dead and estranged then work my way through my list trying to select appropriate cards from selection. All my cards are Japanese, I find them less cheesy than the standard Ho Ho Merry Christmas stuff. Once they are all written I stick the stamps on and then seal them all with a gold seal, my Christmas touch. The post arrives and in it is a book. My friend has sent me another book, it is a classic children’s book that has never gone out of print. When I open it, I find this inscription: ” Happy Birthday Ruby. I hope you enjoy this as much as I did” signed “Auntie Vicki xx 26/1/21.” My friend is green minded and always sends me preloved books. It seems apt. I read the back cover and the additional information; it looks like a book I will enjoy.

Christmas cards completed, almost, they will sit until December chimes and will then be posted. Nothing like getting in early. My partner return from visiting her mother and we watch the end of another football match. We have an early tea and I get ready to receive an old supervision client who has asked for some time to process some material. My old client arrives, and we spend an hour talking through the material and thinking about the future. My client leaves and I watch the end of the final football match of the day. Once over, I draft the blog with the intention of retreating to the new fluffy duvet with my new book. Night meds taken I meander towards the comfort of my reading nest noting that I have not trained today and that my cold appears better, so I shall return to training tomorrow.