Friday and I am awake but late, the exertions of yesterday have caught up with me. I get a breakfast and then sort out my drugs wallets for the next two weeks. I run off the information from the clinic that is going to do my PET-CT scan. Apparently I’m going to be infused with a radioactive tagged glucose, which means that I will have to spend an hour letting it get into my system. So I am psychologically ready now all I need to now is get there and get on with it next week. I fill in more time by refilling the bird feeders and the squirrel feeder and then its time to go to the dentist.

My dentist is very good and we have a good chat about the x-ray outcomes. We come to the conclusion that I will have one filling repaired and that we will keep a watch on one of my crowns that might be developing something strange. I am relieved to get away without any work being done beyond setting a date for the filling in early March. I return home with eggs, grapes and a paper to read the final stories of Fragile Things. At last I get up the energy to go and train. I am becoming addicted to my Fitbit PAI score. A consistent score of a 100 is supposed to have been found to predict a longer life so I of curse have taken to setting my daily goal of getting above a PAI of 200. Its going well so far and my calculated fitness age is currently standing at 47. So maintaining my 200 PAI score act as an additional motivation. So at almost 5 o’clock I get into the garage and set myself up for an hours row. It goes well and I crack 13 kilometres and 800+ calories.

I record the session get into Friday night TV clothes and eat tea. Then its a night of TV wallpaper while I draft the blog. There is of course Death in Paradise to watch and then I shall get an early night.

Thursday and its going to be a busy day. I do not feel like I am ready for a busy day. I get up and make breakfast and take my meds before girding up my loins and start my first task of the day, namely to prune the front drive private hedge. I gather up my garden tools and head for the front drive and spend a couple of hours thinning out the hedge. It looks harsh but it will recover and it wont scratch the cars any more.

As I am finishing the hedge a friend of my partners arrives adn comes in for coffee. My partner and her friend chat while I finish the front trimming. I have a brief lunch and then get myself up for a brief training session. I get myself into my kit and head for the garage. Strapped into the rower I set off on a half hour row at my normal work level. The session go well enough, burning 400+ calories and going over 6000 metres.

Post row its all action. A shower and fresh clothes before I drive myself and my eldest daughter into town to see Stuart Lee. Before the performance we go for an Italian meal and have time to chat. The meal is excellent and sets me up for the performance. My eldest daughter and I indulge in a pre performance bag of Maltesers while we wait to go in.

Stuart Lee was just extremely funny, his humour is just very clever and layered. Both sessions of his show were excellent, punctuated by a tub of ice cream. After the show we met an old friend and her husband and briefly chatted as we headed for the car. Back home I draft the blog, take my night meds and go to bed knowing that tomorrow is another dentist day, and I know it won’t be the last.

Wednesday and I wake up groggy having slept deeply late in my nights sleep. Something my Fitbit confirms. I get up and dress and make myself coffee, but I am reticent to have breakfast as my mouth is sore from yesterdays steel invasion in the name of hygiene. I’ve just made my coffee and a friend rings. Its an age since we last talked so we catch up for an hour and check out how each other are. We both have issue with maintaining adequate spoons to get through the days so its good to talk to someone who understands how it is. After an hour is time to go so I move onto a late breakfast.

The post arrives and contains a letter from a friend who regularly writes. Its time for another coffee and the luxury of time to read a letter. It is no doubt one of the pleasures of my life. Having had my time of relaxation and pleasure I set about washing and waxing my car. Its so quick to type yet the effort required is immense. Not only do I wash an wax my vehicle I also T-Cut the minor scratches I find as I wash away the dirt. I am on a roll so I get to work hoovering the new rug and the rest of the downstairs. So it turns out to be a productive time but I still have not trained and it is this that nags at me. Once I start to change into my kit a sort of ritualistic process kicks in and I just end up kitted out and ready to go. In the garage I strap into the rower and set myself the goal of an hours row at my cruise level. Its a difficult start as I really do not feel that I want to, so I grind through the initial twenty minutes and then I begin to free up and find a rhythm. It turns out a reasonable session and I burn over 800 calories.

By the time I have recovered, logged the session in my journal its almost time for tea. As the evening starts and I begin to draft the blog I feel my energy drain away and know that I shall be going to bed early this night. Perhaps I shall read but in my head I am planning to do drastic things to the private hedge on the front garden. But for now it is time to vegetate for a bit and watch football and or Midsomer Murders before night meds and bed.

Tuesday and I wake up feeling crap. My partner brings me a coffee, which I drink before I get up. I have breakfast, take meds and pain killers and go to the Shed to write letters. I spend all morning writing letters. By lunchtime my injection site feels sore and I return to the house to have lunch. I pop across to the post box and buy stamps before I return.

I spend time reading Fragile Things and putting my washing in. It gets to time for the dentist so I wander down to the clinic and check in. I get called into the hygienists lair and she and her assistant get to work on me. The 20 minute session turns into a 40 minute one. I get a discount of course. It was forty minutes of medieval metal torture. I cannot believe that in this day and age dental hygiene consists of scraping a metal hook in between the teeth and jabbing a sharp point into the gums. What happened to modern technology and things like ultra sound. I come away feeling like I’ve just had an interview with the Spanish Inquisition. My teeth maybe clean but my mouth feels raw and painful.

Back home I hang my washing out and then read more Fragile Things until it is dark. The evening slides on, I read more, eat tea and watch Midsommer Murders until I draft the blog. I take my night meds and pain killers and go to bed to read. All this day has done is give me a sore mouth to match my sore gut injection sight. I’m finding it hard at the moment to stay chipper but I remain determined to recover my usual joyous self.

Monday and its 7:30, there is coffee, which I drink and then dress. I’m barley functioning as I organise my morning meds plus paracetamol. I put my injection pack in my pocket and walk to the GP surgery, sign in and wait. The nurse calls me in and we make conversation about the weather while she mixes the potion adn I take off the necessary layers for access. She tries to find a non lumpy area on the right side of my gut and then put in the needle and injects me. I buckle up and expose my left arm so that she can jab me with 3 months worth of B12. I go home to a peanut bagel and coffee and then do the life admin attached to the new furniture. Having created a file with all the info in I attend to my social media and messages. I clear the kitchen and then read for a bit, before doing some banking admin.

By lunchtime I am already feeling tired but go to the village shop with my partner to buy vegetables and a paper. On our return I eat soup and a roll while doing the crosswords in the paper. I prepare the nights meal and pop it into the crockpot to simmer away for a few hours. I clear the kitchen, empty the bins and then read for a while. I take more paracetamol as a pre-emptive pain control before seeing the dentist. My dentist is lovely but expensive and also not on strike, She talks to me, asks how I am and then prods me, pokes me and x-rays me. The upshot of all this is that I am seeing the hygienist tomorrow and her again on Friday. The cost is fearsome but where else can I be seen so quickly or effectively?

I return home acutely aware that my injection site is getting sore and I am running out of spoons. I read for a while, more Neil Gaiman’s Fragile Things but stop to write a to do list and begin to draft the blog. I know how the rest of the evening goes from here. My gut gets more sore and I feel less and less well until in desperation I go to bed dosed up with paracetamol. I am feeling rude and guilty that I have not written to those friends who have sent me letters recently and I am frustrated that I have not trained. This is the effect of having limited spoons. Its at times like these that I wish I could get out of it on drugs or booze, but in the scheme of things there are people who are a thousand times worse off than me. When I remember that, I remember that under no circumstances will I buckle. Whatever I do will be enough for today and tomorrow I go again like many of my friends and family are also doing.

Sunday and I wake up late and still sleepy. There is coffee for me, which I am very grateful for. I sit and chat to my partner before we get up for breakfast. There is an attempt to ring our youngest daughter but agree to ring her later. I take my morning meds. I am not feeling brilliant and I wonder if I am feeling the effects of being at the end of my monthly injection cycle.

The drive to the business park where the furniture shop is situated was better than expected. In the store we head straight to the sofa we are interested in, having measured up at home we are clear we have selected the right one. The swatches are there so we check the colour of the covering again. I am not sure what the hesitance is but eventually we hail one of the sales folk who slides effortlessly into his patter about leather care and long term insurance. We are kindly towards him but move him onto the the real business of bottom lines and repayment schedules. It inevitably comes to the reading of the agreement and the exchange of details. In these modern days it is apparently possible to sign on a i-pad, I apply my finger to the pad and with a flourish I give it my best signature. So with the deposit paid and the four years of 0% finance signed up to we leave looking forward to the beginning of May when it will be delivered. This is only the second sofa I have ever bought in my life and it feels an indulgence especially as it is a reclining contraption. Gone the whole hog this time and bought a matching single armchair recliner to go with it. So having done the business we leave and drive to the gym.

When I get to the gym I feel less than well and my nose is running. I decide not to train and nestle down with a large coffee and take an Actifed to dry the tubes. Time passes until my partner returns and we go home to watch the final international rugby match of the weekend. Tea follows as does a call to our youngest daughter. The evening moves onto the the final episode of His Dark Materials and Happy Valley. Emotionally drained I do the football highlights and go to bed knowing that tomorrow is a day of injections and dental intervention. Spoonless and apprehensive about the next day I retreat to bed.

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Saturday and I wake up to my partner sipping coffee and offering me one. We sit and sip coffee knowing we are going into town. My partner gets up to go to the Chemists to get some stuff including my prescription. Its injection day on Monday. While my partner goes out I start the bacon sandwiches and coffee. As soon as we have eaten we get ready and then drive into town. The mission is to find knitting patterns for baby clothes and of course wool and pins.

In town we park up and head for Lewis’s where we find the knitting and sewing department. We peruse the pattern books, rummage through wool options and look for appropriate pins. It was fruitless. The patterns were insipid, the wools limited and there were no 4mm pins. There was a half hearted option but in the end we walked away and headed for the specialist shop tucked away in the alleys of Leicester city centre. We found the shop and instantly found patterns, wool and the right size pins. The materials were bought and we headed to nearby Italian café/ delicatessen. What a find the place is. It is full of traditional Italian food. We order coffee and tubular pastries filled with flavoured cream. I choose the pistachio flavoured one, which turns out to be delicious. I shall return to sample the whole range.

I dive my partner and home and catch up with my social media messages. After yesterday a friend and I share snowdrop pictures inspired by the ones we saw at Calke Abbey yesterday.

I also find a letter from a friend. It is a very unexpected letter as it is a response to one of the poems that I put on the blog. I read it and I’m taken aback. It is the first time anyone has responded to any of my blog poems with such a strong response. It is a jolt to my system and makes me think that I should renew my efforts to properly publish some of my poetry. The teem to watch the new six nations rugby matches is almost come around so I change into my training kit while my partner cleans her car. The rugby is good and a real pleasure. At the end of the game I dash off to the garage and row for half an hour having upped the resistance level a notch to make sure I work harder.

At the end of the session I head back to the sofa and record the session and then watch England lose the Calcutta Cup. It was an excellent game at the end of which my partner and decide on Indian take away for the evening meal. I change out of my kit and wait for the food to arrive. When it does my partner and I sit down to eat. So we are into the evening and there is a different feel to the evening. As I start to draft the blog I am accompanied by the click of knitting needles. New baby clothes are under way. The evening continues with reading until its time for the football highlights, night meds and bed.

Friday and I wake up sluggishly but need to get going as today I am going for coffee with a friend. I get up and do toast and a quick coffee before driving off to Ashby to meet my friend. When I arrive I get the nice surprise of being told I am going to Calke Abbey for coffee. On arrival I put on my walking shoes and we go off to explore the gardens and parts of the house. The first thing that is obvious is the profusion of snow drops everywhere. They are quite stunning and in the walled garden there is a display of all the types of snowdrops that can be found in the gardens.

We walk down to the ice house and look around the gardens. There are so many good ideas for herbs and plants. It is somewhere I must come again in the summer. Having looked around for a while we found the restaurant but also the second hand book shop next to it. I could not resist a browse and neither could I resist buying a slim volume of poetry. It turned out to be a gem. As an aside I will just say that this was a very interesting and talented young man that died aged 21 on active duty. Below is the inside first pages and the last section of his last poem written just a couple of months before he was killed on patrol.

The Solomon Eagle referred to in the poem was a Quaker who appeared as a prophet during the Great Plague, calling on the city to repent. The early poems were written when he was sixteen and reflect a huge ability and knowledge of the contemporary poets and the poetic traditions. I had never heard of him or come across his work so this is a real pleasure. I shall be reading the full collection while I continue to read Fragile Things. It would appear that I have a lot of brain food to keep me going at the moment.

We continued to explore the house and the rooms that were open for viewing. There was a fascinating array of things in the family home that went back to the 12th century. There was a woman doing embroidery in one of the room who had created some really brilliant pieces. I get thirsty and we go for another coffee and talk about how I am and what I’m doing. We chat until its time to go as my friend has an appointment with one of her students. She drives me back to her house where I pick up my car and drive home with my new poetry book tucked into my pocket.

Once home I settle down to read my new little book of poetry. It is probably the best £2:50 I’ve spent for years. What a 21 years this guy had and what poetry he produced. It both inspires me and scares me. But as he wrote in a letter to a friend he thought he was out on his own as his poetry was not conforming to the fashion that was prevalent. My partner cooks tea and we sit and eat it to a background of TV before I start to draft the blog and my partner goes off to have a bath before we get to dance to the Death in Paradise introduction music. I shall eventually take my night meds go to bed and read and hope the weekend works out, but today has been a good day.

Lots to do this weekend but my major concern at the moment is whether the chemist will have my injection for me tomorrow. I managed to mismanage my medicines management this week and put my prescription in late. So Monday could be a scrabble as I’ve got to get a visit to the dentist fitted in as well. Hopefully things will go my way and I will get to watch the first Six Nations games and order a new sofa and chair. So I’ll roll the dice and see what happens.

Thursday and I am awake early as today I’m going to the gym for the day, the intention is to do two sessions either side of lunch. I have breakfast and organise myself while my partner does her first two work meetings. The its a frantic getting things ready and I leave for the gym followed by my partner. It is the first time in months that everyone in the household have left the house. I hope the house behaves itself while we are away.

The gym is clearing out its early morning addicts as I arrive. I get double lockers to accommodate both my bags as I have brought my traveling office rucksack with me. I grab a cross trainer on the gym floor and set off on a 55 minutes session. It goes okay and earns me PAI points on my Fitbit.

I walk around a bit and then return to the changing rooms to get my track suit and rucksack office. Once besuited I head for the lounge and a large coffee accompanied by a bacon adn egg bun. I settle down to read Fragile Things and to get the blog started. Its a good way to while away a couple of hours. By about half past one I get myself back to the gym floor and get onto one of the gym rowing machines, a different type from mine in the garage. It has a long pull but on this one the display is a pig to sort out. I end up doing 10 minutes on this machine. Its not smooth and I find it uncomfortable although these machines are the standard training ones that real rowers use.

Feeling slightly disgruntled I head for a recumbent bike and set off intending to do a quiet 30 minutes to find the machine has set itself for an hour. I’m not up for that and go for 30 minutes. I have Rammstein in my ears and pedal rhythmically to it until the half hour rolls round. I drink the last of my water as I walk round the gym floor deciding that I’ve done enough for the day.

On reflection I might have been better off doing a weights session in the afternoon but hey that can be done another day. I shower and get another coffee in the club lounge. While I cool down properly I read some more Fragile Things. On the way home I fill the car and would have done my tyres had some twat not parked in front of the air line and left their car there. So home it is and the usual post gym bag emptying before I update the blog. As an experimental day at the gym its gone okay, I might repeat it. In the enthusiasm to get fitter I had forgotten to order my monthly allocation of drugs and so I do it late in the afternoon, whether the injection arrives in time for Monday. There is a bit of me that doesn’t give a toss as they are not working any more with my PSA rising. I know all the arguments about it might rise faster if I don’t take the damn stuff but I’m not seeing any evidence for that. It will be what ever its going to be.

Tonight is tuna pasta night and my partners singing lesson so I expect to be reading most of the night. Meds, read, sleep seems to be the pattern.

I wake up later than planned and quickly get organised with toast and coffee. I set about checking my messages and my bank accounts. That’s when the fun started. My phone app refused to recognise my finger print and ultimately I got locked out. It then asked me for my digital security number. Mystery to me. I tried a couple of possibles and failed. What followed was a long and frustrating process of re-establishing a new digital security number and a vocal recognition set up. It took at least two prolonged goes at setting the new code. After over a hour of frustration I got some one who knew what they were doing and guided me through the process successfully. At last I could access my accounts again. By this time I was behind schedule to meet friends for lunch.

I drove to the restaurant/bar and found my friends already there. We sat and dined and talked about a whole range of things but mostly about how we were adapting to our new situations. We are all doing new things and going through transitions as indeed some of our partners are as well. The conversation was really useful to be part of. We lingered over coffee. One of my friends is going back to Bermuda on Sunday so it was really good to see him before he went back. The journey back home seemed to go by quickly.

At home I find my partner returned from seeing her mother. I have a letter waiting for me from a friend which I read over a welcome coffee. My partner and I chat after my partner and daughter have eaten and then we settle down to watch some TV before I catch up with drafting the blog, I retreat to bed early to read my newly arrived book, Fragile Things, a collection of short stories by Neil Gaiman. It would seem that he is my author of choice at the moment. Tomorrow must be a training day. I still have the feeling that Spring is on is way and hanker after the Shed and writing. On my shoulder sits a voice that keeps reminding me that there are poems that want to be in the world.