Tuesday and I wake in the hotel bed and go through my routine of email, message and cyber litter checks. I go down to breakfast and find all I want is grapefruit and toast. I start to prepare my Christmas lists and do some Christmas research, I also finish reading Tom’s Midnight Garden. I take a trip to the local Tesco and use the cash machine adn pick up some odds and ends. Just before lunch time I drive to my friends house and have lunch with her. We have time for soup and a chat before she has to go back to work and I wander off to York. I am feeling quite spoonless so return to the hotel and continue to do Christmas research.

I find the COVID enquiry is on and its Prof Whitty’s turn, its a fascinating watch. He is clearly a bright bunny and is very good at being clear about what he is saying and explaining why he did what he did and who was responsible for what. Tea time comes around and I head for the restaurant knowing exactly what I want. So a pepperoni pizza and strawberry ice cream later I am back in my room in time to watch The Great British Bake Off. It turns out that this year the final is going to be all male, an unusual outcome.

I set about drafting the blog before I take my night meds, pack what I can and settle into bed for an early night. Tomorrow I see my mentor.

Monday and its a relatively early start as I am of to the dentist for an emergency filling at 9:45 before I can get on with the rest of my planned day. Of course one has to shower before a dentist appointment and foregoes breakfast to forego the embarrassment of the dentist tutting at food between the teeth even though they have been brush and mouth washed . I check the appointment time with the receptionist before starting my preparations including morning meds.

On the dot of 9:45 I am in the dentist reception area where I play with my phone till called in. My dentist is vey good and is into doing the work straight away and explaining what has been lost, what has failed and what the options are. We agree a temporary filling for today and a think about crowning the tooth. By the time the temporary filling is done I have had my think and book an appointment in the new year to have the offending tooth crowned. My dead sisters Christmas present to me.

Once home I pack for my trip to York. The garden guy arrives so I spend time listening to him and telling him what needs doing, before taking the opportunity to fill the squirrel feeder. I have no cash so at lunchtime I and my partner walk to the village co-op only to find that the cash machine had run out of cash. Once home I do the final checks on myself and the packing and then head off to York. The drive is reasonably good with one comfort stop and the taking on board of a baguette to fuel me. At no time did I use the SatNav, I know this journey well now. On arrival at the hotel I automatically tapped in my car registration and then signed in. My room is okay and I settle in, making the usual “I have arrived” messages, then draft the start of the blog before getting on with having a nap. So far today the spoon expenditure has been high so I need to recoup some spoons for the evening.

At 18:45 I pick my friend up and return to the hotel to have a meal. Normally it would have been a restaurant but my friend is still fighting hard against the fatigue of long COVID. We dine and chat but by half past nine it is clear that my friend is very tired so I take her home and return to the hotel to watch the end of the England v North Macedonia with a large black coffee. Its a disappointing draw, so I return to my room and daft the blog while watching the news. It’s been a long day but strangely I do not feel as tired as I expected to be, I am taken aback by my friends fatigue and it brings home to me how lucky I am to have good days and to be able to fight the way I can. I take my night meds and read until I settle down in this strange bed to sleep.

Saturday, a day that had a morning of preparation as I printed off poems and practiced reading them. There followed quite a long wrestle with the technology as Zoom insisted on upgrading on my “unrecognised” device. It took for what felt for ever, so what was supposed to be a relaxed approach to the poetry Stanza turned out to be an unseemly and anxious rush. However once into the meeting the afternoon went by very pleasantly, my poem went okay and there were some lovely ones from the rest of the group.

Post stanza I moved into evening and of course Strictly. A strange fascination, I have no idea why I watch it, perhaps it is just something about dance for dance sake. AS the day progresses I feel the soreness in my mouth increase due the sharpness of the tooth that has lost its filling. It tends to take the joy out of food. I am increasingly looking forward to Monday morning dentist appointment. The evening ends with a film. A nonsense film full of the usual technology is dangerous messages is the food for the evening before I down my night meds and go to bed.

Sunday and I wake up to a coffee brought to me by my partner. We laze in bed and chat about family matters, finances and plans for the coming week. It is a time to catch up and see how we are. Having chatted we get up for breakfast after which we make our usual face to face call to our youngest daughter with the new grandson. I fill my drugs wallets for the next two weeks and then drive my partner and I to the local garden centre to get food and odd items for Christmas. The weather is cold and damp with a wintery nip in the air. On the return journey I check the car tyres and fill the tank in preparation for my drive to York tomorrow. I also manage to get a bottle of mouth wash for my sore mouth. Once home I immediately use the mouthwash and get some relief for my sore mouth. I then rest from the effort and continue to read Tom’s Midnight Garden until up to doing other things. One of the other things I do is finally move the last remaining storage box of my deceased families trinkets, fripperies and jewellery into the loft with the help of my eldest daughter. At last the hallway is almost reclaimed apart from some pictures that I need to find homes for. There is time to catch a rugby match before tea and then of course the Strictly results show. Justice is done as Angela Rippon bites the dust.

There is time to pack for my York trip and to get ready to travel. I finalise the Tesco order and leave a list of things that the garden guy needs to do on Monday. I am trying to ensure that I have done everything I need to do before my brief trip. Of course my first port of call in the morning is the dentist who I am hoping will work her miracles and remove the cause of my sore mouth. Then it will be a stately drive up the motorway. I take my night meds and go to my bed hoping for a good nights sleep.

Post result show

Friday and I am doing okay as I wake up. I check my messages and my cyber litter before settling down to reading Tom’s Midnight Garden. I am brought a coffee and I continue to read. I am slow to rise this Friday as I know I am going out this evening. Of course I eventually get up and make myself toast and coffee. I then start to deal with mail that needs to go to the solicitors. I discover I have lost a filing and immediately ring the dentist. The earliest I can get in is Monday morning, so on Monday I shall go and have my filling done before I drive north to York to see my mentor and friends.

There is a bacon sandwich followed by a telephone call with from the solicitors office. It is a timely conversation to have as I am half way through drafting an email to them, so the call saves me time. I start my preparation for this weekends Poetry Stanza meeting whilst listening to more episodes of the Infinite Monkey Cage. Its like doing homework or rehearsing for an audition. All the poems have to be downloaded and organised and then of course read. The reading is not just for understanding but the knowledge of knowing that I will be responsible for reading someone’s poems on the day motivates me to get it right. After all I hope other people do the same for my poem as its part of the core experience of hearing some one else read your poetry out loud. Given that the group will discuss the poem after the reading you want the poem to be shown off at its best and of course when its my turn to read I want to do the poem justice. Below is my contribution this month, its more of a frippery this month. I think I save my more “meaty” stuff for the face to face meetings.

It’s time.
Time to say farewell,
bite the bullet and concede to the scythe.
Like the inevitably
Of harvest,
I yield.
Carefully I select
the items,
and with them the memories.
With each comes stitched in
reminiscences. 
Each pair are transitional items
that will be jettisoned,
recycled or forgotten.
Reality confrontation
at a brutal level.
A mirror that won’t be denied
And is now avoided.
I’m never going to be the same 
and gone is the possibility.
I am beyond any clever fix
My waist line will never again be 36.

By the time I have done this and I have started drafting the blog the day has gone dark. So I ease myself to the evening where I shall wrap up warm and go with my partner to meet friends for a meal at a local pub. In fact its our local biker pub and I think as a consequences does very good food. I realise only now that England are playing on TV tonight as is Pudsy and children in need. On balance I think a meal with friends is preferable.

Thursday and I wake to a quiet house as my partner has gone to work, real work not a trot downstairs to the office. I am tentative about getting up so spend a bit of time reading Wild Swans and dealing with my cyber litter, messages and emails. By the time I am up I am hungry and make egg and soldiers before sorting the post and tidying up. In the post is a new book from my brain feeding friend and it is one I have not read. I am tempted to start reading it straight away but hold of, as I know I need to make the effort to train.

I am not feeling particularly good as I take my vitals but they seem to be okay so I change into my training gear and head to the garage. Its the coldest its been so far this year.

The session I decide will be 30 minutes as I am not sure how much energy I have to spend and I am aware that I am going out tonight. I strap in to the rower and set off not feeling particularly confident that I will reach my normal standards, but I do get into to a groove and make headway. By the end of the session I am over 6 Kilometres and have burnt over 400 calories, so I am pleased and mildly surprised.

As is my usual habit I record my session in my food, meds and training journal and then go and take my vitals again. They are okay but my heart rate is a bit elevated. As I am going out in the evening I decide to have a bath and hope it eases off the last of the soreness from Mondays injection. Once my bath bomb bath is ready I ease myself in and start to read Tom’s Midnight Garden. From the start I find it quite a disturbing book adn it is partly because I’ve been listening to the Infinite Monkey Cage where the idea of Block Time keeps being discussed. It’s the idea that all things have happened, past and future, but for some reason humans can only access the past. It is a matter of debate. However it becomes clear very soon that Tom’s Midnight Garden has an strong element of this idea in it. I am eager to read more but my bath gets cold and I slither out into warm towels.

I get tarted up to go out, trimmed beard and deodorant and of course dressed. By now I am hungry again and have a sandwich and drink and discover I have some more emails to deal with. There is time to snatch a few more pages of the new book before its tie to start to prepare tea in anticipation of my partner retuning from work. Just as I get the sauce underway my partner returns and so I crack on making our pasta meal. Its not long before we are on our way to the De Montfort Hall to see Fascinating Aida. We arrive in plenty of time and park in the venues car park and indulge in a pre hoe coffee and twix. There is time for the usual pre-emptive activity piss and then we are in the auditorium seated in our favourite row, which is the front row of the upper circle as it has huge leg room. Fascinating Aida are jut brilliant. If you haven’t seen them do so if you get a chance. Not for the feint hearted or Tory but both funny and touching. There is half time ice cream and then more excellent entertainment from them. Below is the trailer for the show we saw tonight.

We drive home after the show and I draft the blog having taken my night meds. I go to bed having spent all my spoons for the day but glad I made the effort on all fronts today

Same moon but always different, how is this possible, a trick of the light or of the mind?

Wednesday after terror Tuesday and I take my time to wake up and see how I am. The answer is a bit wobbly but not yet chipper. My partner brings me a coffee and I get with the goal of getting out of the house by going to the village café for breakfast. I get my morning meds down me and then get myself into my new fleece lined action trousers and overcoat, topped off with the new beanie and head off out. Picking up a newspaper on the way I settle into the village café and start the crosswords while my bacon and sausage baguette with a black coffee arrives. Its nice to be out and good to see strangers doing the same wandering the village as me. I have to say my new winter clothes were a good decision as I feel snug the entire time. I am home by noon and start to deal with the post and the emails that need attention.

I can feel myself flagging so take a break and listen to The Infinite Monkey Cage for a while and then get on with the life admin. Some forms get printed and signed. I write the covering letter and get the documents over to the post office and sent for tomorrows delivery. Back home there are emails to write to the solicitors dealing with my sisters estate. Its difficult to ensure the right balance between legal advice and other considerations without sounding arsy. So with the emails gone its time to file the paper work that has been generated. Call me old fashioned but I like to keep hard copies of things, I like the the “flipping backwards and forwards” nature of hard copy. The post has brought me a new book, a gift from my book reading friend who has been helping me feed my brain. Wild Swans by Jung Chang is a book I have read before but I shall reread it as it is a truly remarkable book. It is the true history of three generations of Chinese women from times of emperor rule through to communist revolution. The way the family survives the radical cultural and political changes are incredible.

Evening is suddenly upon me and eating tea, drafting the blog and watching an FA cup match before Shetland comes on. Its been a reasonable day compared to the last two so I am hoping I am properly recovered tomorrow as tomorrow evening I have tickets to go and see Fascinating Aida. One of my favourite evenings out as they are always entertaining and bitingly satirical. So once I’ve watched Shetland and taken my night meds I am off to bed pleased that I have stayed off the paracetamol today.

This is terror Tuesday. I wake up feeling knocked about and sore from yesterdays injection. I feel groggy and fatigued but mostly sore. I wonder if I am talking myself into this with a negative internal dialogue, but I feel crap against an internal dialogue that I can make more positive. Like in rain I know the sun will shine again, so I keep these thoughts in mind and tell myself that any small step I can make is a contribution to feeling better.

My partner brings me a coffee and I slowly check my messages, emails, and cyber litter. By 10 o’clock I get up and have muesli and coffee taking my morning meds as I do so. I wonder about taking more paracetamol, I am not keen but I know I shall probably do so at some point. I send my poem to the poetry Stanza for the coming meeting on Saturday, as I do I note that on Zoom meeting sessions I tend to send less personal poems and more humorous or trivial content poems. There is something about sharing the more “tricky” poems face to face which feels more appropriate.

By noon I am flagging again and cave in and take paracetamol. If only I could get moving, its a real Catch 22. So paracetamol, take my vitals and then try to find a way to rest restoratively. I end up listening to more Infinite Monkey Cage while laying down. Mid afternoon I try to rouse myself, clear the kitchen, put the bin out and take in a delivery, which includes my new beanie and fleece lined trousers. I am flagging but a new email comes in from the tax company that are working on my sisters estate. There are several things I do not understand and spend ages drafting a reply to try and clarify some points. No sooner than I have pressed the go key another email comes in from the solicitors which needs time to consider. We appear to have reached an impasse with HMRC despite having paid the inheritance tax, with solicitors advising to wait for the tax folk to clear everything.

Evening rolls up and my partner makes tea and we eat while I draft the blog and wait for the Great British Bake Off. I am still feeling like I have been run over by a bus and have a simple plan: take my meds and go to bed. It is definitely a case of eat, sleep, repeat. Right now my spoon economy is minimal, all I can do is hang on in there and trust my body will recover as it has done so many times before. Its just the nature of the cycle.

Jab Monday and I am awake at 7:30 listening to my eldest daughter getting ready to go to work and my partner snoozing. I get up, make a warm drink for my partner and get myself ready for my walk to the GP surgery. Just time for a coffee adn morning meds and then I am walking in the morning air that is breezy and damp. On my arrival at the surgery I fish out mask from the depths of a fluffy pocket and book myself in, take a seat and wait. Within moments I am called in to the clinic room, the upside of going for an early appointment time. I hand over the injection box to the nurse who puts the impedimenta together while I adjust my clothing to give her access to the injection site. The drug goes in relatively easy, it is viscous and bulky adn takes time to get it all in. Once done I check my next appointment time and go on my way.

On my way home I pick up a paper so I can do the crosswords as I have more coffee and toast. I consume these as I watch the government reshuffle on TV in a kind of fascination, like a snake watching a mongoose. I am surprised as the announcement is made that David, pig botherer, Cameroon, is appointed as Foreign Secretary. After the initial shock there are acres of fill in TV full of people making up opinions and waffle to fill in time before anything else happens. My partner goes off with her brother to see their mother who has returned from her hospital visit last night. I start to do my own admin by chasing up solicitors, writing letters and tidying up the domestic environment in preparation for the coming Tesco delivery.

By lunchtime I am tired and feeling sore at my injection site. I make myself soup and move the car off the drive to leave rom for the Tesco delivery. I listen to another episode of the Infinite Monkey Cage. My partner returns and we while time away until Tesco deliver. There is a spurt of unpacking and squirrelling away the food. I return to the sofa as I feel my post injection “withdrawing junkie” state coming on. No matter how warm the house is I shiver on these injection days. All I can do is take paracetamol, grit my teeth adn take myself to bed as early as I can bear to try and sleep through the worst of the “withdrawal”. My evening then is made up of eating and then trying to be as mindless as possible till I take my night meds and fight to sleep through. These days are the low points as two 28 day cycles collide, however I will stand, hold my ground and come through to some equilibrium.

Saturday and a good as my new grandson arrives with his parents. My partner has gone off to have her hair done and I have a list of food to buy from the local garden centre. So having done my early morning cyber litter checks and viewed messages I get up, take my meds and drive off to shop. I a have not been back long when my youngest daughter arrives with her son and partner. He is a delight and such a contented young person. The family sits down to lunch and of course play with the new grandson. It is an easy afternoon of relaxing and catching up with, of course, the new family member at the heart of everything. The family sit down to a roast dinner and pudding before settling down to watch Strictly together. Of course the newest family member and is parents drift off to bed relatively early and others duly follow leaving me to watch football highlights and finally set Daisy dishwasher going and down my meds before going to bed. Its been a good family day.

Sunday I wake early and find the family up and about and we are soon gathered around the table having breakfast. My day starts with paracetamol added to my usual morning meds in preparation for tomorrow’s 28 day injection. The morning is spent playing with the young grandson and chatting to the parents. He is an extremely calm and chatty young baby and clearly very interested in his environment and instigates interaction a great deal. At lunchtime they pack all the gadgetry they travel with leave for home home. Its been lovely to see them and I look forward to Christmas and the experience of seeing the new boy experience his first Christmas tree.

I settle down to start the blog and then I watch a rugby match. My partner gets a telephone call to say her mother has been taken to hospital for her bloods to be checked. There follows a long period of waiting and conversations with the carer with my partners mother. Not until 7:30 pm does she see a doctor and we have a conversation with the doctor about whether she is going to stay in or not.

It is a long evening as we wait to know for sure whether my partners mother is being sent home. I watch TV and draft the blog as we wait. It is a long evening. Tomorrow I am up early as it is injection Monday. Not my favourite day of the month so I eat chocolate, drink diet coke and wait to see how this day ends.

Friday was a very slow start, as I check my cyber litter and messages. Then its on to organising the next Tesco order and getting to grips with putting in place arrangements to go north to see my mentor and friends. I dally so long that just as I clamber out of bed my partner brings me a bacon sandwich. There is post already and amongst it the HMRC letter we were waiting for to move my sisters estate tax moving on. So there is some admin to be done. I have no book to hand so listen to another episode of The Infinite Monkey Cage. My partner goes off to see her physio and I set about Hoovering the house through prior to my youngest daughter, partner and their new young son coming tomorrow. I’m impressed with our version of a Hoover in that I had never found one that was capable of rolling up a pair of nickers on the front roller, but this one achieved this with ease. So after freeing up the roller I continued the run through the house and cleared the kitchen.

By the time I had finished I was ready for another episode of The Infinite Monkey Cage, which kept me amused while I recovered from the house Hoovering. I was beginning to drift when I decided to take my vitals and then change for a short row. I am trying to build up my PAI points and also lay in some resilience to Mondays 28 day injection. Yep, its that time of month again, so I will be checking my paracetamol stock as well. The garage is chilly so I strap in quick to he rower and getting going speedily, again giving it a bit of “vim” and hoping to meet my usual standard. It goes well and I achieve my goals.

I return to the sofa and record my session. I am pleased to find I have accrued 175 PAI points and my fitness age has dropped to 52. So all in all I am quite pleased with this weeks efforts. The rest of my day sinks into evening where I eat tea and then settle down to an evening of TV as I switch off and try to maintain as many spoons as possible in anticipation of tomorrows guests. Ultimately there will be night meds and bed.