CHEMO II DAY 89

Fight all the way to the end.

It’s Tuesday and before we go any further my partner has just commented on my outfit. Its been a long day so here I am in furry boot slippers, kimono and Peaky Blinders cap. Its been one of those days, like a curates egg, good in parts. Breakfast and morning meds went okay as did the clearing up and general fannying about in the morning. One of those mornings that gets lost and where there is a sense of being busy but not quite sure why. I reach solid ground abut lunchtime when I settle down to read more of Calypso. The main character is a gay author and the book centres around him and his family. Its difficult to tell if I am reading something autobiographical or a piece of entire fiction. I feel tempted to research the author and see if he wears the sort of clothes he has his main character wear, such as a triple hat and long culottes that swish as he moves. Has he really got sisters who go shopping with him in Japan and buy what sounds like appalling clothes, and did his sister commit suicide. Is it all just fiction and the is author having a giraffe. Is there some bespectacled giant of a man who is making all this up to amuse his wife and children. So I hope you can see why I am tempted to Google him. My partner and I take the car to the garage to check the tyres and fill it with petrol for tomorrow’s run to Felixstowe. That goes well and we return home to do more fannying about and reading before we go into town for lunch.

In town it is raining so we zip up and hood up as we walk to the Merchant of Venice. A strange Shakespeare based eatery that has a Lambretta inside and swing seats at the window tables. On the walls are murals of the Merchant of Venice and Shakespeare. They play over loud Italian music and we have to ask then to close the open back glass wall as its blowing a gale and bloody cold. We order drinks and pasta and chat. My lasagne was interesting as I had to hunt for the pasta in it and the garlic bread arrived as dainty triangles laid carefully on a bed of salad. It is clear that there is not a single Italian person on the staff. It appears to be an Indian Italian restaurant/coffee house. It is definitely some form of fusion. We wash our meal down with coffee and hot chocolate and then walk down to the hospital in the rain to collect my next three cycles of chemo.

There are times when you know that a service is bad. The scribbled note on the desk that “waiting time roughly 50 minutes” is a bit of a give away, that and the dispensing counter has Pidgeon holes labelled “Confidential counselling”, which is three feet away from the reception counter where everyone can here every word that is being said. At one point when we are asked to go into the waiting room because the area is confidential I almost laughed. No sooner were we in than my name was called. Everybody in a half mile radius now know that I have three cycles of chemotherapy, what my address is and date of birth, I felt like saying to the dispensing guy ” and confidentially my cock is a foot long”. My partner and I leave and march back to the car in the not so nearby hotel car park in the heavy rain, arriving fairly soaked.

The drive home was uneventful but I had just got indoors and was unloading my soggy coat when a friend called. |we chatted for a while until she had to break off to complete a chore, I took advantage of the break to do my vitals before she rang back and we were able to complete our conversation. Its been a long struggle with long COVID but she has fought her way back to begin going back to work at the end of the month, it a real achievement, especially when her employers want to keep going through there competency processes. It is at this point that I get out of my wet clothes and don my odd assortment of comfort and at hand clothes and retreat to the sofa with a Tunnocks tea cake and a glass of water, but not before I get a small suitcase out of the loft. Obviously my first task is to fill my drugs wallets for the next to weeks with my newly acquired drugs. I have this off pat now and I soon have the satisfying rattle of two full wallets and a stock pile of chemo drugs to see me through to December. I can now at least plan my life for the next three months around my 28 day injection as usual. Now that’s a strange sentence, but there you go, a 28 day cycle with hot flushes is my normal with the occasional set of bloods thrown in. Job done and drugs stored I settle down to draft the blog before the England v Scotland friendly football match. I’m expecting at least one red card.

While there is the will there is work and hope.

CHEMO II DAY 88

Fight for spoons and sleep

Monday and I wake with the rest of the household up and away or preparing to go out. I watch episode 11 of the Harvard University Justice lecture before getting up and having breakfast, morning meds and taking my vitals. My partner goes off to see her mother and I set about hoovering and tidying the house. Its not my favourite activity but if I am going away then the house needs to be good to go, so to speak. I beaver away until I can do no more, clear the bins and then treat myself to a smoothie. The post arrives and with it my next oncology review appointment on the 30th of November. All I have to do now is collect my next three Chemo cycles from the hospital pharmacy tomorrow afternoon.

One thing that I finally get to do is package up some pictures from my sisters house to go to my son in Sweden. After a lot of packaging, bubble wrap and yards of gaffer tape I walk over to the post office. I find my parcel is 28 grams over the two kilo limit to send by the post office so it has to be by carrier. I fill in a new customs forms and hand over the money, its in the lap of the gods now. Back home I settle down and started to read Calypso by David Sadaris. Its a poignant but humorous book. I’ve not been reading long when my partner returns with her brother, so I join them for lunch before doing the days cross words of the day. I return to reading my book followed by watching the second series of The Good Place. I idly Google The Good Place and discover there is a book. I am excited and immediately search for it and of course there it is on Amazon. I will be the proud owner by tomorrow and will be able to take it on holiday with me.

Filosophy can be Phun
So looking forward to reading this.

My partner and I eat tea and settle down to watch Monday nights competition night on TV. Its a challenge to maintain ones self esteem as ones ignorance is exposed. Thankfully this happens in the privacy of ones own home. The torture goes on as the wait for the Tesco delivery goes on. Eventually Tesco rock up and there is a flurry of activity as the goodies get squirreled away. Tonight I’m going to bed early as last nights late night did me no favours and tomorrow I need to get the car sorted for its run out, collect my chemo drugs and pack for the four day break in Suffolk.

First line of … everything

CHEMO II DAY 87

Fight, hot or cold, day or night.

Sunday and I wake after yet another restless night. I get up and as its a Sunday I weigh myself. To my surprise I weigh in at 96.8 kilos, that’s a weekly loss of 1.7 kilos. I’m pleasantly surprised and pleased that my more moderate diet has worked. Breakfast is simple and is accompanied by my meds.

I spend my morning and afternoon switching between watching rugby and sorting out more boxes of documents and photographs from my sisters estate. It feels as if I am at last getting to the end of this task. With this task almost done with I start to fill the new DVD storage that has been delivered today. I just have enough time to finish the organising of the new storage of the house DVDs and recycling the packaging before tea.

My evening goes by with a rugby match and an episode of The Woman in the Wall. One gem in the day was a friend alerting me to the fourth book in the Before the Coffee gets Cold series, Before we Say Goodbye, by Toshikazu Kawaguchi. They are some of my favourite books, which I know I will devour as soon as it arrives. Its a pre-order so I have the joy of anticipation like knowing I’m going to have one of my favourite meals. Delicious brain food, No wonder the house is full of books. I down my night meds and draft the blog. The coming week brings some early week drug admin before I slip away mid week with my partner for a short beak away in Suffolk so there will be pre trip admin to do.

Ah water, to swim in or stand by.

CHEMO II DAY 86

Fight, just fight

Saturday starts after an uneasy night of hot flushes and sticky weather. I have a light breakfast and morning meds and settle down to the first rugby match of the day. From there on its all rugby matches and football games interspersed with transferring more DVD into a second carry case. There is a brief interlude of recycling and then its back to the rugby. There are interludes of eating. In a moment of organisation my partner and I book a four day break for the end of next week. Then it is back again to rugby. So that is it, a full on cabbage day, this is the life of a sports addict. It is of course compensation for what I can no long do, my days of rugby, squash and marathon running are over as are my hard training in the gym and looking in the mirror and seeing someone honed. Its one of the big bits of myself that I miss due to cancer and the medications. I no longer like or trust my body. Time for a brief draft of the blog, night meds and then bed.

It’s hot. Ice lollies are an essential.

CHEMO II DAY 85

Fight even in the heat of the desert.

Its a Friday when I wake up and about 9 o’clock. I reach for my phone and check messages and emails before going downstairs to breakfast. I make my now usual cholesterol friendly muesli and decaf coffee, which I get down me as I watch the tail end of some appalling morning breakfast show. A combination of fear features, a sort your going to be blagged, duped or scammed before you die of todays medical condition (so get yourself checked) and on the bright side here in the cooking section is how to prepare cheap wholesome food which will stave of the effects of the dire medical condition we have just made you fear. To round this off some dancer encourages me to flail around doing movements to keep me fit. I am tempted to say that having induced an existential crisis in me, what the fuck for? I take my morning meds and do my vitals, all good there I seem to have survived the TV fear attack.

I turn the TV off and turn my attention to the task of removing all the DVDs from their boxes and re packaging them in a nice neat wallet case that my partner has bought for the job. It means we can get another cardboard box out of the house and off the floor. So I set about the task with zeal as this sort of organisation appeals to me. In the old days when I was stupid and thought such things mattered, I would have put them in to some sort of order, but bugger that life is too short. So I beaver away until I get to a natural end point. I order a second case to house the box sets, that’s my only concession to organisation.

I am really chuffed with the out come. By the end of the weekend all of our DVD collection will be in two cases and the cardboard box and plastic cases recycled. The morning has gone, its lunch time and my partner makes me salmon on olive bread with apple, which I eat on the patio. I think its suitably cholesterol friendly for a Friday. I slug about a bit post lunch until the post man delivers a new book from a friend. My friend is one, if not the most well read person I know and on occasions when I face a reading dessert sends me a book to feed me. So far the food has been delicious and introduced me to many new authors that I would not have found on my own. My problem is that if I like the author I tend to then read everything by them. COVID was an expensive time in this regard.

My new book. I can feed my brain again.

I begin to nibble at the new book and then a friend rings me. She has been trying to get me over the last couple of day so this is third time lucky. We have a lot to catch upon, like holidays and the cost of trainers per wear and other every day things. There is good news as she now has a return to work date after so many months of battling with long COVID. It will be a sensibly graded return to work to continue the process of recovery, there is no magic switch but this is really good news. We finish the call as she goes off to collect one of her daughters and I change into my training kit. I am hot and I can feel myself running out of spoons after this mornings DVD marathon but I am inspired. I get into the garage and set the rower up for an hour session, first time I have done that for a while. Its 23 degrees in the garage so I set off slowly and maintain a regular rhythm, this is not a day for heroics. I make it, the full hour, despite the fact that the overall distance and calories are below my normal for an hour I am pleased to have completed it.

My first hour for a while. 11+kilometres and 700+ calories are not bad.

It is hot and I am dripping with sweat so I head for the freezer and get an iced lolly to suck as I desperately try to cool down. As I do this I record the session in my journal. Once suitably I change into a kimono and redo my vitals, all good again except an as to be expected elevation of my heart rate. The evening begins with drafting the blog which takes a while and it’s soon gone seven o’clock. No tea yet as its hot and no one is inclined to cook but we will get there. Tonight I know what shall be watching on TV and that’s the opening match of the Rugby World Cup, France v New Zealand, should be a cracking game. After that who knows apart form the fact that I shall take my night meds and wonder off to bed in the hope that my training efforts today will mitigate against the side effects of the chemo.

Indeed we are, good old Audrey

CHEMO II DAY 84

Fight in the quiet of night.

Thursday and I am awake early in anticipation of my oncology review at 11:20. Normally I would check my emails and go back to sleep, but today I get up and make breakfast. More cholesterol friendly muesli and a decaf coffee. I eat it while putting together my crib sheet for the review and bring up my Excel spreadsheet for my blood pressure, which now includes an cycle average blood pressure chart. So breakfast done and my coffee table work space cleared for action I watch the Harvard University Justice lecture number 10 on Aristotle’s politics. Its fascinating stuff, and Michael Sandel is an excellent lecturer. The original lectures were given back in the early 2000’s which means there is still use of the overhead projector! Remember them with there acetate sheets and infuriating drying pens. However he is brilliant at getting the audience of students to participate and doing the philosophical arguing. It gets close to review time and I sit expectantly waiting for my phone to ring. It doesn’t and it continues to not ring for an hour and a half. By now I have text’d the specialist cancer nurse and started to watch the second series of the Good Place. I have even amended the reading instructions for my poem, Too Sore to go to Peaky Blinders, a Sonnet. I am not sure if I have shared that on the blog before, if I haven’t here it is with its new reading instructions.

(Instruction for reading: Add your own commas and full stops. Only comas and full stops everything else is too fancy, but in iambic. You may use 1 octave, or two quatrains to make up the first stanza and the remaining sestet for the final stanza.)

Too sore for Peaky Blinders, a sonnet 
Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck
Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck 
Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck 
Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck 
Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck 
Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck 
Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck 
Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck 
Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck 
Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck 
Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck 
Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck 
Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck 
Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck Cancer.

Any way by the time I have done all this no one has rung me. My partner goes out for a walk to the shop and only as she returns does my phone ring. At last there is someone from the oncology department. Not the consultant, “he who made a pact with the devil”, but one of his staff. So she tells me what I already know about my falling PSA and tells me bloods are okay, I point out they are the best bloods I have had in four years, go me, and then she asks how my blood pressure is. I tell her its an average of 127 over 75 over the cycle so far to which she responds “Oh that’s good”, note the lack of curiosity about how I know this. Lets face it I could just make anything up, but I didn’t. So there was a bit of chat about my gut being off a bit and the persistent tiredness and fatigue along the lines of yes that what this drug does and then she says she is happy to prescribe me another two cycles to which I respond the conversation had been that we would move to three. She askes me if I am happy with that and I say yes, thinking I could have pulled any number out of the air. We part company with her saying she will tell the pharmacy to order it in and I will hear in due course. So that was it. Goal achieved, now I can plan the next three months of my life knowing I’ve got the drugs to do it. My next review will be just before Christmas. Another new year beckons, first step in the new five year plan.

I eat a late lunch on the patio with my partner on the patio and settle down to do the daily crossword puzzles. I drift up stairs intending to do my vitals but find myself sleepy and decide to nap. I wake at well gone four o’clock with several messages on my phone. The hospital pharmacy has text me to say I can pick up my drugs next Tuesday afternoon, the 11th, so that goes in my diary. I do my vitals, which are all good but I am having a hot flush. In the freezer I find the box of lollies that I bought the other day and relax, happily sucking it as I cool down. I know its only coloured water but it feels more virtuous than an an ice cream. One more chore to do and that is contact the tree people to come and give us a quote for removing some of the trees in the garden. I also catch up with the messages friends have sent me during the day asking how the review went, which went unanswered or got only perfunctory responses.

Back on the sofa I start to draft the blog, while in the distance I hear Thursdays Tuna pasta being prepared, before my partner has her on line singing lesson tonight. My evening could well be full of The Good Place or a film. On the horizon is the Rugby World Cup, in fact the opening match is tomorrow night. I shall be lost in that no doubt. But for now I devour my tuna pasta and glide into the evening able to plan a little ahead. Mind you planning things is a double edged sword, things can go wrong, whereas if I don’t plan anything there is nothing to go wrong, thus saving me from a ton of anxt. Night meds and bed is always the bottom line, but after todays early start I think an early night is called for.

Sometimes plans can get cumbersome.

CHEMO II DAY 83

Fight all the while

Wednesday and I wake up to the sounds of the house at work and finally get up. I do not feel great and notice my PSI score has dropped below 100 so I know I am going to have to train today. I settle down with a dish of muesli (cholesterol friendly) and go through my emails and find there is work to be done on my sisters estate. Not a big deal but it took time. I watch another Harvard Justice lecture and then I set about cleaning the filters in the dishwasher, all I can say is that Daisy has been letting herself go . Once I had done the nasty bits I set off on a cleaning cycle. These are some of the mundane things that fill my days. I do not think I am unique but I am either desperate for folk to know it or I have a sense that great portions of humanities time is spent on such things but no one wants to face the fact that their lives are not a continuous stream of exciting and interesting activities. Of course we all know it but I guess I feel that my cancer makes me notice. Difficult to explain really, I will leave it with you.

I go to the Shed and spend time making a video letter. Occasionally I do this if I feel estranged from my pens and ink. Any way I complete the letter and transfer it to a USB and pop it into an envelope. Yes I know what you are thinking, “why doesn’t he send it as an email attachment or e document.” Its simple really I just do not think its the same as finding an envelope on the doorstep like a real letter. So I send them through the mail, I think its a win win. Any way having prepared the envelope I pack up the Shed and return to the house and then I go to the post office to send off me voice letter. In a moment of spontaneity I decide to walk down to the co-op to pick up pasta and strawberries for my tea tonight as the rest of the household are all out. Once home and the family are out I get myself into my kit and go to the garage. Its time to row, so I set myself up for a 45 minute row which if I am lucky will get me over the 100PSI level I need. So I set off and immediately have a moment of regret, this is going to be a bitch of a session. So I guess I try to compensate and go at it a bit more than I feel capable of. By the end of the 45 minutes I am knackered and very hot. The good news is that I have reached my normal distance and calorie burn, go me.

At last a 9K+ row and 600+ calories.

I’m so hot post training and wonder around with my nothing but my neck fan on trying to cool down. Once I finally get cooled down I throw on kimono and cook my pasta and prepare a dish of strawberries. I settle down and eat while watching a poor Sly Stallone film made for teenagers, really very odd. The family return home and drift off to bed as I draft the blog. Tomorrow is my cancer review, by phone of course, and I have been doing my homework. I’ve worked out my average blood pressure over my three cycles so far and updated my bloods. The aim is to convince he who made a pact with the devil to prescribe my chemo drugs in a three month block. It would make my cancer admin a bit easier and enable going away from home easier. I take my night meds and make my way to bed.

Sometimes this is the only option.

CHEMO II DAY 82

Fight until there is no more.

Tuesday the 5th of September, in all the excitement of my partners mothers 95th birthday party and the new grandson staying over the weekend I had forgotten that four years ago on Sunday was my first day of Chemotherapy. With a Gleeson score of 9+ and a predicted 8 months on the survival graphs, the first Chemotherapy was going to add an additional 18 months. Here I am four years later with a falling PSA, the best standard blood results I’ve ever had since I started and a new hurdle of high cholesterol. In that time I’ve been on holidays, seen friends, out lived my sister and been around to see my third grandchild come into the world. Both my daughters are working and either being mothers or continuing to study, while my son continues to forge a life in Sweden with his family. My partner continues to amaze me. Although I have not yet managed to get my poetry published I do still write some along with letters to friends. I survived COVID. All in all that’s not bad going. I am sure I have missed a few things, but there is a limit to self proclamation that is tolerable. My family, loves and garden sustain me, in that I have increasingly found that simple things are most sustaining and that what foundations I laid inside myself have borne me up over the last four years. Its not easy but now there is a real battle going on and once again I have to find the discipline and will power to get back to training, to drop my weight and combat the worst of the current chemo’s side effects. The next five years might need a revised strategy, but I am working on it.

Today was again a sunny one. As I got out of bed I could hear my partner in the office busy at work. I contemplated breakfast in terms of lowering my cholesterol and went for muesli, a good choice I thought. Of course I started to research cholesterol and sources of Omega 3. What I found was a lot of bollocks written as infoads, where there was a survey of the best products that inevitably had the sponsors product rated as the best, which is just a neat way of slagging off the competition. When I got through all the crap adn found some solid peer reviewed research it turns out that there is no firm evidence to suggest that Omega 3 supplements are of any proven benefits and that eating oily fish a couple of times a week is good enough. So farewell Roland and hello Dolphin boy as I go in pursuit of oily fish, kippers, herrings, sardines and mackerel beware. Strawberries are supposed to be good as well so suddenly a breakfast of strawberries and small flute of champagne is looking good. By the time I had researched it was time to hang the washing out, have a shower and put on my dapper clothes to go and do some. business in town.

On my return there was time for lunch, tuna roll and and apple (both cholesterol busters). I put more washing in and retreated to the Shed. There I wrote letters. I’ve discarded my artist ink for ordinary pen ink. In this weather the artist ink cloys and will not play well at all with my dipping pens. My letter complete I walk over to the post box to send it and return to peg out the latest lot of washing and begin to draft the blog. I do not get very far as the garden guy turns up so there are drinks to be made and conversations to be had. I can feel myself running out of spoons as I continue to draft the blog until tea is ready. The family dines on the patio as the evening cools. I later discover that I have missed a call from a friend, which is disappointing. I bring in my washing and settle down again to finish drafting the blog. I am more or less out of spoons now and entering the zombie phase of the evening, which means struggling to read or TV. So I guess it will be TV and my night meds before going to bed and hoping for a cool night, nothing worse than hot flushes on a hot night.

Some days what is done just has to be enough.

CHEMO II DAY 81

Fight, rain or shine or cholesterol level.

Its Monday and there is a baby in the house, oh yes! It’s been a while since I have woken to the sound of a new baby chatting and making baby noises off in the distance. My partner is awake and presents me with a decaf coffee and we gradually get ourselves going. Breakfast is an extended family affair with the new member joining in. With everyone fed its time to head for the outdoors, except my eldest daughter who is at work in the back room. There is of course a lot of packing baby stuff into the car to make sure we have everything. In fact this little trip is a two car job. We drive to the local park where new boy is transferred to an all terrain buggy. Never had those in my day, is my grand gnarly response. So we set off across the paths and meander around the ponds until we come to the duck feeding point. Bread appears and as the first crumbs appear so do the ducks and a solitary Moorhen. Mother and Grandmother set about feeding the ducks.

Mother and Grandmother feed the ducks. Where is Dangerous Beans you ask?
Dangerous Beans takes a nap. Clear management potential.

We exhaust the bread and then stroll back to the cars where we load up and head for home. Once home there is a light lunch, a feed for grandson and amidst the miracle car packing the new family move off on their journey home. Its been a delicious time with them and I am sad to seem them go and hope they have a good journey back to their nest in the forest.

My partner takes to a recliner and I check my emails. I find three new blood results that I do not usually have as part of the outcome of checking my anticoagulant. Two of them are okay, one isn’t. My Triglyceride is at 1.85, which when I look it up is okay, just. My Glycosylated Haemoglobin is 5.5, which apparently is normal. However my cholesterol is 6.9. Its high. I of course look up what this means. What it means is sucking herrings and taking omega 3 tablets and feasting on muesli. Another fucking thing I have to manage, which means nothing enjoyable and more exercise that will raise the probability of pissing blood. Is there no end to this crap. My partner has fallen into a nap so I put washing in and clear the kitchen. I then get into the garden where I cut back everything in the front garden that I can. By the time I have finished and resting on the swing seat my partner has joined me with cake and squash. Time to reflect on the last two days. Having had the treat I hang the washing out and then set about watering the pots in the front garden and feeding the tomato plants. I empty the top tier of the water butt and keep going until everything in a container has been watered. I’m tired and retreat to the sofa to draft the blog. Tesco delivers and is cheery, I also get to sign for the order, which seems random as I have not done so before, perhaps its a new process or a wicked scam to get my signature. I return to the sofa with a head full of conspiracy theories. That’s where I am when tea is called. I wonder out to the patio and eat my rice and meatballs feeling my spoons ebb away. A coffee and a couple of digestives (no good for cholesterol) and I am gathering in the dry washing before retuning to the sofa and drafting the blog. It been a long day and I sink into TV and an early night, taking my meds and hoping for sleep. Its going to be hot all week so there will be garden time but also Shed time as I am aware that I have letters to write. I am struck by the thought that tomorrow many will go back to school but due to “aero” concrete may not be able to, will this lead to a re-release of “School’s Out” by Alice Cooper?

Blame RAAC. Roland’s Acute Abnormal Cholesterol

CHEMO II DAY 80

Fight even as you party

Sunday and its the day of my partners mothers 95th birthday party. I hear the sounds of baby in the house and I am brought a coffee to remind me that there are things to do. I do join the family for croissants and more coffee before downing my morning meds and then helping with preparations. Bags get packed with party food and before we depart I load Daisy dishwasher and set her to work. The family leave the house and drive across the forest to the my partner’s mother. we are greeted by her carer and we are soon laying the table with food.

The whole family turn up, so for the first time in years everyone is there. The only people who are not there are my some and family but as they are in Stockholm it would be tricky for them to get over for the day. I spend time chatting to the career who I had not met before and then with family members. My overwhelming sense is one of vibrancy. I think it is to do with mixing of the generations and what seems like fewer opportunities for them to meet. There is eating and drinking and a lot of catching up with one another and of course a cake and candle moment. There are is a baby, a toddler and a junior amongst us adults which adds to the richness of the mix and quite a range of new parents and new grandparents. Of course there was only one great parent who seemed to enjoy having her family around her.

Inevitably the time comes for the family photograph and the clearing away of the debris of the feast. We say our goodbyes load up cars and drive off. Once home I take a quiet moment on the garden swing seat in the sunshine and reflect on the afternoon. My partner joins me. We note that since COVID and my cancer there has been less times that the family have met and that no one has had the energy to do the hosting. We have all had our issues and I remember and miss our hosting a Christmas family gathering. Perhaps this year if I and my partner feel up to it, we will see.

We sit down as a family and eat tea while the new young baby sleeps peacefully. At the end of the meal we clear the decks, load up Daisy dishwasher and return to the lounge to watch a baby sleep and some TV. During the evening I take photos of the new grandson.

So peaceful.

I draft the blog and while watching TV and then the football highlights. I sit with grandson and his dad till I droop and go to bed.

Universe upon universe, what could be better.