Festival day two. Tent still up and tonight is my night out under canvas (plasticated cloth type thing). I did my usual drugs on time after a poor nights sleep and another night my Fitbit thought I was dead. So full of my daily compliment I retreat to the shed and set up with the intention of doing nothing but kick back to good sounds and do a bit of gardening in a self-sufficient mind set sort of way. After a breakfast bacon roll and coffee on the patio with my partner I settle down to read the post. A letter from a friend who is isolated and not able to get to see her family has arrived and I save the pleasure for a cup of coffee on the swing seat in the sunshine. It is such a great pleasure to get a letter, I do not understand why people do not write more. Actually I think I do but today is a festival day and not a philosophy one.
I potter in the garden for a bit and scribble an odd line or two strangely inspired by Splodgenessabounds’s Two Pints of Larger and a Packet of Crisps Please. Where that came from I’ve no idea, but that’s the way it goes sometimes.
https://youtu.be/tf3aJx7D7YA
I weed garden pots and settle down after lunch to watch the BBC recording of Kate Tempest’s BBC recording of Let Them Eat Chaos. Its 53 minutes long and left me breathless and wondering how someone can develop such a distinctive and powerful poetic voice, a strange mixture of hip hop and alliterative iambic pentameter.
This is 53 minutes long, give yourself time.
After a bit of a refection I got down to some more weeding of the garden with a view to make room for the dozens of seedlings that I have potted up in the temporary greenhouse.
Dinner and Indiana Jones followed by clearing the kitchen and then the blog. The exciting thing is that I am sleeping in the tent tonight, so at sometime soon I shall wander of up the garden with a pillow.
Its festival time! Pitch the tent in the garden, get guitar out, throw sleeping bag in, add the scented candle and put the lantern in the tent. Put the play list together of the great dead, Hendrix, Jopin and the rest. Actually, listen to Kate Tempest and wonder at her poetic voice. Take time out to prick out tomato plants and other vegetable plants then write the letter for the day.
Dinner and close up the campsite to watch Vera and write the blog. This is how prosta8kancerman spends Good Friday. No time, no routine, a drift through the day following inclination to inclination. I can feel writing and reading coming on, tomorrow perhaps.
Today has been a busy day full of things to stretch my brain. There were nice surprises like the letter from a friend which was a delight to read and savour as I worked in the garden shed. I was up early and kick started myself with a shower and bacon sandwich breakfast before retreating to the shed to write note cards to people. There are a group of people who I am not sure are still living at the address I have for them, or indeed still alive. I have sent them cards with my details on so they can reply if they wish. In the meantime, I shall be continuing to write to my regulars.
Of course at ten o’clock I took time out to self inject but today was the first day of the new 15000 units injections. I’ve a month of these to go and then I’m not sure what happens, either more 1500s or a reduced dose.
The good news is that my partners mother who had a fall last night is okay, bruised but okay. She is getting additional pain relief from her GP so hopefully with rest she will back to doing back flips pretty soon.
I spent my morning writing cards and reading my letter which prompted me to send emergency poetry to my friend. By lunchtime I was ready to do a practice run for the afternoons reflective group. The technology that we are using is tricky to use to facilitate the space we want to put together but we got the practicalities more or less right. So, when the actual forum took place, I was able to work my way through it. The practicalities of the session were a challenge but the content was what I expected and the progression through the session was as I thought it might go. It was hard work but the content was well worth the effort. The team reviewed the session and we planned to continue the next set of sessions. I retreated to the garden shed and wrote up my session notes. That’s not something I’ve done for a while so it was interesting when it got to the personal reflection section.
So having got to the end the work day I went in search of my partner who I find having a nap due to a headache, I joined her and had a nap myself for an hour. When I woke up I found it was time to clear the kitchen and to start dinner. While my gastronomic concoction was bubbling away in the oven I went to pack the shed up for the night, close up the greenhouse and bring my washing in off the line. Time also to have a call with a friend and catch up on plans.
Dinner and then Two Popes. A film that turned out to be rather touching. So now its blog time and transition into the Easter four-day weekend. My plan is to put the tent up in the garden and go “FESTIVAL”.
Wow what a day suddenly life is full of things to do and to sort out. Once I am through breakfast and into my shed I get to work on the first letter of the day. By serendipity the person I am writing to rings me and we are able to chat about the issues around the current situation and the challenges of finding food and keeping family occupied. I return to my letter writing till I am interrupted by the news that we have just received another Boris box. Before we can reject it, the deliverer has disappeared but this time there is a note in the box telling me how to change my status from needing food. I do it immediately and we make the decision to donate what we do not use to a food bank. I return to my letter writing and preparation for a zoom group later in the day. The postman brings the invoice for my civil partnership celebration, which I pay immediately by bank transfer. The Civil Partnership is almost completed, all that remains is the delivery of our album of the day. I also notice the butterfly’s that have appeared and the flowers that have opened up under the influence of the sunshine.
Magnificent Magnolia
My camelia sneaks into bloom
At lunchtime I settle down in front of my laptop to sign into a reflection group. After a slight technical hitch, I joined the group. For an hour we talk about how the current situation is affecting he work of the therapeutic communities. The range of experience is fascination and the insights it brings are really useful. At the end of the hour we review the times usefulness. Everyone has found it useful so it will be happening again in a similar format. After the group three of us discuss the future groups and the format for the one I am to lead tomorrow. Having done my contribution for the day I change into my garden clothes with the intention of doing a bit of gentle weeding, however I get in to the tool shed and end up taking everything out and tidying it up.
One very cleared tool shed
Only when I’ve completely cleared the shed out do I get to the front garden for an initial weeding. Once I run out of steam I clear away and sit on the garden swing seat and recover. Once I feel recovered, I go inside and cook dinner. Tonight, it was pasta with a mushroom sauce with broccoli and wilted spinach. We are just settling down to coffee and a well-earned rest and we get a phone call from my partners mother’s neighbour to say she has had a fall and an ambulance has been called. My partner and daughter drive off as does my partners brother. We had only a short time to assess the best things to do. My partner knows that if her mother goes to A&E she and her brother will not be able to go with her or visit her. This is not going to be an easy time and I now sit and wait feeling anxious and not a little impotent to contribute meaningfully. We shall see how the night plays out. Its fingers crossed time again.
Today has been a planning day in regards of work and at the death of the day much has gone pear shaped. Apart from 200 litres of compost, a phone call with a friend and a zoom conversation with another friend and a letter written the day has been bitter sweet. The sun shone, the seeds are germinating in the greenhouse and we got another Tesco slot in two weeks’ time. A nice chap from the COVID task team rang me to check I was okay and whether I needed anything. As it happens, we are okay so he left me with a phone number. Nice to know that someone out there knows about me. Tomorrow is the last 1800-unit injection, after that I start on the 1500-unit injections for30 days. So that’s 30 down and 150 to go.
Today was a shed and garden day. The highlight will be the arrival of the Tesco delivery between 8 and 9 0’clock tonight. The fridge is looking empty and we need our order to see us through the week.
My day started with a sandwich and coffee before I go to the shed and set up my garden office. Settling in I start the first letter of the day and sit writing with the occasional moments revere looking out over the garden. I more and more think that having access to the garden is what will get me through, coupled of course with the care and love of those close to me. I can only write for so long so I take time out to plant some broad beans and peas in some of the garden troughs. While I am on a roll I try to sort out the solar fountain in the pond that has stopped working. I place the pump and outlet in a bucket but nothing I did brought the pump back to life. I decided it was officially knackered and search the internet for a replacement. I found a floating disc version that I am willing to give a try. So, its waiting on Mr Amazon to deliver from now on.
After a brief lunch I return to writing letters. I finish my second letter of the day just as my daughter prepares to go for her exercise walk. She acts as my Hogwarts Owl taking my letters to the post box for me. Without this I would be cut off from this form of communication, one which means so much to me.
I prepare dinner, chicken curry, and we sit to eat and catch up with the corona virus. The usual grim news and the usual desperate attempt to get entertainment out of it. So having moved the car we wait for the Tesco van to deliver us from an empty fridge.
A very welcome sight. We will not starve.
So having stocked the fridge we settle down to watch people race across the world and eat spatchcock guinea pig. Life has its strange moments.
The good news is that after almost a month of self injections my calf appears to be reducing in size and feels less stretched and awkward. Two more days of 1800 unit injections and then I start on a reduced dose of 1500 unit injections. How long for I do not know, what I have got will take me through the next month.
I get up and find it is sunny and head for the garden. I grab a coffee and open the temporary greenhouse. Breakfast if muesli eaten while I gently oscillate on the garden swing. My partner and I chat about how things are going and our survival plan for the coming weeks. At the moment we are managing and now we can get food delivered we should be alright I the short t medium term. The longer term will depend on the length of the virus peak and how it whether there are resurgences in specific areas or generally. We just need to stay aware and pan accordingly. I do some more internet shopping and finally buy a weights bench on e-bay, so in a couple of weeks I shall be able to train properly and protect my body over time. I was pleased to find what I wanted as it appears the whole world is buying training benches and many suppliers have sold out. So all over the country people must be setting up their own gyms in the garage or whatever space they can clear in their home to be able to keep fit. Late in the day I get an e-mail from e-bay to say they have withdrawn the seller form their service but I am not to do anything and to wait for my goods. Sounds to me like I have little chance of getting my goods and I will have to claim my money back. I shall just have to wait and see.
I retreat to the garden shed to write my daily letter. I am half way through the letter when I get a message from my son that he can take a zoom call. We finally connect and we get to talk for a long time. I get to see my grandchildren for the first time in a long time, which is delightful. My son describes what it is like in Sweden at the moment. They are just coming out of a long winter and the Swedes are wanting to be out and about. Everything is still open and there is free movement only the ex-pats from England are taking it seriously and staying at home. It would seem Sweden is in for a difficult time fairly soon. We eventually managed to get everyone in the households on the Zoom screen, which was a good experience and something we will do again soon.
Back to the shed to finish my letter and to close up the greenhouse. We prepare tea and eat it while watching TV before having an evening of more television. Tonight, there are chores to do, clear the kitchen, bring in the washing off the line and write the blog before I can get to bed and the excitement of tomorrows food delivery. Of course, there are drugs to be taken, there are always the drugs.
Well that was a day. Life has its bad and relatively good moments. The most important thing is that we got news that someone close to the family died this morning. He is the brother of my youngest daughters boyfriend. It is terrible to lose anyone but to lose a brother only slightly older than yourself is a dreadful thing. Being in the situation that we are we have few options to be supportive, we just have to trust them to look after each other and bed themselves. The isolation in this sense is all the more difficult to deal with and feels like true isolation. Of course, we send flowers and a card but somehow it never feels enough, and isn’t.
I sort out my morning injection, have breakfast and then head for the garden shed to write my daily letter. I get half way through a letter and I check my e-mails and to my surprise both Sainsburys and Tesco are offering my a priority delivery slot now that the government has shared their “Shielded” list with them. I immediately get on the web and try to get a Sainsburys slot as that is where we usually go. Could I get a slot, could I buggery, no matter how I tried? Sainsburys had filled the coming week and not released the following two weeks. So I try my luck at Tesco. Not a problem at all. Straight in, I fill my basket, get a slot for Monday and we are a family that can eat and order food for the foreseeable future. So given the ease of Tesco’s I should not think that we will return to Sainsburys any time soon.
In the midst of this I get a letter from the DVT clinic telling when my appointment is going to be and telling me that it will be a virtual consultation. So on a Thursday later in April I will get a call from a consultant who will divine my wellbeing or lack of it over the phone. I will try and be helpful by measuring my calves beforehand and by that time my weight training may have kicked in.
With that small victory under my belt I return to my letter writing. I find I can write letters only for a limited period before they start to sound like idle gossip on a front door step between two people who are being polite but cannot stand each other really. It degenerates into mundane mumbling about the weather, the cost of soap powder and the state of Mrs X hair since she went blonde. So I stop and route out my weight lifting bars from the dark depths of the garage. The collars are rusted and need WD40 to free them. I strip them down and wire wool the rust off the bars and then wash and dry the collars before storing them in the garden shed to keep them dry. The weight are plastic coated and need just a wash and will not rust. All I need now is a new weights bench so I start to surf the net. I find the perfect bench but it cannot be delivered until July!!! I try several outlets and they are either out of stock or cannot deliver now. It is very frustrating but I shall surf deeper and be successful in the end. This is all in preparation for mem to start training again once I reach the 28 day mark of my DVT. I am supposedly able to start to train again after four weeks of self-stabbing. I need to strengthen my upper body and try to build core strength to combat the longer-term damage to my spine inflicted by the cancer. Ultimately if my back goes, I might become upper body dependent, so seriously starting now is a good idea and I have 10 weeks of house arrest to do it in, so with luck I can make a good start.
Time to rest for a while, close the temporary greenhouse and retreat to the house for tea. So the evening begins and I continue my hunt for a weights bench before settling down to watch Joker. Joachim Phoenix is just brilliant in this dark and cleverly layered film. So its blog time and a time to reflect on the day.
Another day, another morning of Zoom meetings and trying to work out how to be useful from the couch or the garden shed. After a couple of hours it seems we might be able to do something but pulling it together is going to be a challenge.
The strain of conducting business over the scree- based platforms is hard on the eyes. It seems odd as in face to face meetings it is the ears that that become tired, not the eyes. By the end of a day of screen meetings and cyber social interaction there is a strange sense of being drained in a new way. I think I need to ration how much screen interaction I do each day. Taking the time out to write letters or thoughts helps as does doing the garden. Each day a small task in the garden helps breakup the day and makes me do something physical. Today I planted potatoes and took some cuttings from my favourite pants. It is still early in the year so the garden will take more time as the weather gets warmer.
I am concerned that I am not training so I have started to research exercise regimes and thinking about a programme for the next ten weeks. I realise that I miss the gym.
I still have not cracked the problems with the laptop that I am upgrading so I still have my silver savvy jigsaw to do.
Tonight I worked out when my twelve weeks of isolation ends, bizarrely it falls on my parents joint birthday, June the 14th. It seems a long way away. For now it needs to be one day at a time and to find the pleasure and beauty of life on the here and now.
I am writing this at the end of what seems a long day. Having wrestled with a recalcitrant hard drive that refuses to play I am left frustrated and in need of some research time. However, I had the joy of a real letter dropping through the letter box. A letter written on beautiful paper and in a marvellous matching envelope was a joy to take to the shed to read. There really is nothing like a real letter to stop and savour. Every time I get a letter, I am prompted to renew my correspondence efforts and today was no exception. So today I have fulfilled my intention to write a letter a day. I also got a letter from an old colleague who has been reading my blog and could empathise over my aversion to injecting myself. Its good to know that someone else finds the process as aversive as I do. So on the basis of getting letters today was a very good day. It was also a friend birthday who is also isolated and not amused by having to spend her birthday at home. A bright shiny home as she has cleaned everything that moves. I guess this is true for many others as well.
The rest of my time has been spent talking to colleagues about constructing and offering reflective spaces to service mangers in the criminal justice system. Out of that has come an evening of work drafting notes and thinking about an approach to the project. In essence it is quite exciting to be thinking about something new and hopefully useful. There are also the practical matters of keeping the basics of the business end of the activity going, so tonight I also spent time drawing up my invoices for March. Very soon the tax man is going to be asking me for a self-assessment. Death and taxes guaranteed. So tomorrow I have a round of phone calls to make before I get into my first meeting of the day. So sleep is my priority right now as I can feel myself flagging.
