DVT DAY 253

Monday and I find my partner has retreated to the spare room as she feels ill, a combination of fatigue and possible virus/bug/food/alien life form. The result is that she has curled up in the bed and is endeavouring to rest and sleep as much as possible.

I get on with chores and clearing the kitchen. I ring my partners brother who is taking their mother to the walk in centre to get her wrist x-rayed after last nights fall. We chat for a while and then I get on and start my work day. I have a lot of documents coming in and I need to log them and begin to give feedback to people. So this takes me three hours to juggle and to respond to the emails that come in as a result of me putting information out there. Lunch time comes round and passes as I keep finding new information to catalogue. My partners brother rings me to tell me that their mother has broken a bone in her wrist and is now sporting a soft plaster. I later found out she chose the blue plaster as the pink one was too loud and would show the dirt. At last I reach a point where I cannot avoid going and training. Today I choose to go to the shed and cycle for an hour. The weather is cold, the shed has the heater on full blast so I shed layer after layer as the heat built up and my body returned to the effort of staying alive. By the end of the hour I am sweating profusely and I am glad to heave my body off the bike at the end of the hour. By now it is dark even though it is only late afternoon and I pick my way back to the house to get out of my wet and clinging training gear. I get a call from my partners mother who askes about her daughter. I chat for a while and listen to her experience of the day getting her wrist x-rayed. I agree to ring her son and pass a message on.

I change and devour a coffee and a sticky bun before settling down to write the blog but before I can get going my partner emerges from a restorative bath. We watch the COVID update and then I prepare us beans on toast while we eat in front of the TV. Post meal we sip coffee and nibble ginger and plan tonight’s TV. Only Connect is a favourite way to reinforce the fact that my mind is slow and somewhat dim compared to some of those that are brave enough to put themselves on view to the public and endeavour to solve very obscure problems .

So I have an evening of challenge before me but I might actually get to see the end of Assassin Ninja later once Tesco have delivered. Tomorrow I intend to tidy up some work, train for a while and then catch up with my letter writing. I owe a couple of people letters and for me they are important as they seem more than ever the way I most effectively connect in these COVID times.

DVT DAY 252

Sunday, an early start, washing in, dishwasher emptied, bread maker fueled, coffee made, and preparation to clean the fish out. I discover that someone has left the heater on in the garage over night and make up a couple of reminder signs to go on the internal garage door. Still no one up, so just me going about the chores. Amazon deliver more Christmas goodies. The fish were very pleased as their world is now less green, the water cleaner and the filter pump providing a nice flow for them to gambol in them. That’s them sorted for Christmas.

We have the decorators coming in ten days time so it was time measure up the rooms and make a final decision about the wallpaper. After some minutes of staring at samples stuck to the walls we made our final selections. What followed was me measuring walls with my new laser measure and calculating how many rolls were required. The painful bit followed as I visited web sites and placed the orders for the paper. All we need to do now is to think about what colours are going to go with the papers. God knows how will manage that given how long it took to pick papers.

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So feeling myself to be on a roll and poorer than I was before buying wall paper I audited my invoices for the year. This turned out to be a prolonged and painful process, as I realised that the Royal College of Psychiatrists had not paid me for my work since August. A sensitive nudging email was composed and sent. Time to watch Louis Hamilton win the Turkish Grand Prix and become world champion for the seventh time. Cooking was going on when the phone rang to tell us that my partners mum had had a fall, so everything went on hold while my partner and our eldest daughter went to see her. I sat at home, made a ham roll and started to watch Ninja Assassin, an appalling blood laden film, which I have yet to finish as my partner and daughter returned before the end.

Finally we get to eat as we watch an episode of Portrait Artist of the Year and then move on to His Dark Materials on catch up. It feels like its been a long day so my partner goes to bed while I write the blog. Having not trained for a week I chickened out of weighing myself today, next Sunday after a concerted week of training will do now.

DVT DAYS 249, 250 & 251

72 hours of post conference recovery full of letters, both writing and reading, more work meetings, and most of all; Christmas shopping. Am I the only person who is becoming addicted to the idea of a mountainous Christmas present pile under the tree? The more I cruise the web the more ideas I get for presents, and lets face it, its what the web is for. Of course I realise that this might be perceived as an insensitive moment to espouse such a view with so many people facing the deprivations of a second lockdown, however balanced against this is the commercial imperative to keep the economy going. The strictures that I am trying to apply to myself is that I buy from independent providers, makers and merchants.

I have managed to turn off and rest for a while, in fact I have not trained all week and will resume training on Sunday and enter into a three week cycle of training. Time to get going again. Back into a rhythm of work and training to get through the winter.

DVT DAYS 247 & 248

Tuesday, I wake up feeling crap and then spend day in an on line conference. from 9am till 8pm I am in front of a screen, a confirmed zoomling. My evening wind down is the Great British bake off and a couple more episodes of “Warrior Nun”. Not quite Stranger Things or Umbrella Academy but suitably escapist.

Wednesday, up an onto the conference line by 9am, having downed some muesli and coffee. and settled into the sofa. The conference is good but very intense and dense with very little if any respite from the screen. A friend rings me mid afternoon and I experience the welcome pleasure of having a proper conversation one to one and not a screen full of faces. It was good to be connected to the real world, a real person and not the faces in the “digisphere”. It was good to talk about real things like someone else’s work and parents meetings. I was sad to leave the call and return to the screen. The conference came to an end at 6pm, I pressed the “LEAVE” button and it was over. Time to put away the notes I had made, few but pertinent. I also copied the contact email and event dates, but they can wait till tomorrow. Its time for tea, wallpaper buying, some light TV, Warrior Nun and bed.

DVT DAY 246

Monday and its 8:30 and I am standing in the rain outside the GP surgery waiting for the nurse to let me in and then to stab me with my 28 day injection. Its the same routine, I hand over the injection, she makes it up as I undo my trousers and expose the injection site. We chat all things COVID and Christmas and then she spikes me and pushes the drug into me. We chat next dates and she sees me out the back door, the cancer leper let loose on the village. I drive home and log onto the The Consortium of Therapeutic Communities on line conference.

The conference is full of people I know and have worked with, many of them friends and people I hold in great affection. I miss the therapeutic community world and the work I left behind. In my enthusiasm I tend to be overly verbose and have to reign myself in and listen more. The presentations are very good and extremely diverse, the people delightful. Getting to grips with zoom is going well as well.

As the day goes on I become increasingly aware of how sore I am becoming and how fatigued I am. I’ve started to feel cold and shaky again as I did last time. I liken it to being a junky going cold turkey, its going to last a couple of days at least. By the evening I feel shit so I drink Peroni free and eat dark chocolate, write the blog.

DVT DAYS 244 & 245

Saturday appears to be becoming a lay in bed day till late and then eat bacon sandwiches. In the face of lockdown we decide to scout out potential new sources of food. We take to the road and drive to our nearest farm shop who have installed a fresh milk machine, with a milk shake capability and an egg and milk bottle dispenser. We buy fresh unhomoginised milk, yogurt, rolls, scones and what turns out to be a really creamy and nutty farm cheese. We are pleased with our find and move on to the next farm shop. This shop is very different in that you can buy everything you could want for a horse, goat, pig, chickens and all family pets. This was alongside more farm produce. A bag of potatoes, two huge baking apples and some bits and pieces get taken to the check out counter where we get mugged for a charity angel in support of the local air ambulance. As I have not done a speed course for a while I do not mind an additonal angel for the christmas tree to come.

Back home we stow the new goodies and while my partner sets about planting bulbs in the garden I set about making bread and cooking florentines. I now have my own recipe for florentines which I am willing to share if anyone wants it. The trick is all in the way the baking trays are prepared and used. It takes me a while to get to the dipping in chocolate but the final outcome is good. By this time its getting dark as make my way to the shed to do an hour on the exercise bike. Its pitch black by the time I finish and navigate my way back to the house down the garden, not made easier by the fact that my family had turned the back lights out. That’s family for you. I am in time for tea and the wild excitement of Strictly Come Dancing. At this point of the blog I am wondering what has hapened to the spell checker on Word Press. Its a pain the way it keeps dissappearing.

The evening progresses with some xmas present buying and a strange TV series. I clear the kitchen and put the dishwasher on so that it will finish before I go to bed. Tonight is the night to put drain clearer down the outside kitchen drain to try and clear it. Such an exciting night.

Sunday, up early for a shower, make warm drinks, empty the bins, feed the fish and think about a lazy day getting ready for next weeks on line conference. Post my shower I do my weekly weigh in. 93.7 kilos, I am very happy, this is good progress, my first goal of 92 kilos is in sight. So after a breakfast of bacon rolls we have a face time call with our youngest daughter and talk christmas and work. I go to check the outside drain. Its still blocked the clearer has not worked. Its rod time, except the run of piping the rods I have will not touch directly. Off comes the manhole cover and I try to induce some suction in the blocked length of pipe. It doesn’t work. I survey the situation and decide I need reinforcements and head for the local Wickes, thank the lord that do it yourself stores are still open in lockdown. I find a narow gauge dyno rod and a pipe buster pump, but by far the most important find is some industrial drain unblocker. So its back home and into the muck work clothing to pour a double dose of clearing fluid down the blocked drain. I go back to rodding the length of drain I can get to and slowly dredge out some of the blocking sludge. The industrial fluid works and slowly the blockage gives way and I’m able to pump out more of the sludge. Eventually the system is flowing freely and I am able to hose the system through. So its time to pack up the equipment and get things back to normal. Some of the gloves and socks get jettisoned and the clothes go into the wash. So by 3pm I’m ready for a drink and some of my floretines as a reward. I start getting ready for tomorrows on line conference which starts and goes on to Wednesday night. If it goes well it should be interesting and fun. I settle into listeinng to football on my headphones as I catch up with blog. I do not know where the day has gone, these early dark autunm nights are dismal and do nothing for my motivation to get into the garage gym. I’m not sure how I am going to manage that over the next three days, as my day starts at 8:30 with my monthly injection at the GPs. Last month it knocked me off kilter for three or four days, I’m hoping it wont, but it will be in my right side this month, which is the side that seems to affect me most. So tonight I am a little aprehensive about the next couple of days. I feel eating a lot of florentines coming on and watching Pullman’s Subtle Knife.

DVT DAY 243

Friday and today it has been a day of ticking off the to do list, so after a cold breakfast I set about my chores , but not before taking a call from a friend. Having moved the cars off the drive I applied a moss killer to my rapidly greening drive. Whilst doing this I noted that the drain from the kitchen is blocked and checked my man hole and drain cover. Good news my main drain is clear but the kitchen run needs to be cleared so a quick trip to Amazon and the necessary will be here tomorrow. Now on a roll and I go through our emergency card box and select a belated birthday card for my grandson whose birthday I shamefully missed. So I loaded a card with cash and took to the post office to be sent and signed for. It seems the only way to ensure the Swedish postal system can deliver anything is to get it signed for. Back to the to do list and I find I have work emails to respond to, which of course take longer than I bargained for. A bite for lunch and then its time to think about training. Its tricky these days as I need to ensure I can get into the shed before it starts to get dark. I get in and do an hour on the bike. I am not satisfied with this and head for the garage gym to row for a while.

I get to the sofa to recover and have dinner. I am bored with TV so this evening I get out my jewellery making kit and sit carving, etching and sanding wax blocks into something resembling a ring. I have a long way to go before I get to something I would give as a gift but I’m not too picky not to wear my own crude stuff if I get it made up. My kit allows me to send stuff off to be cast in a range of metals so eventually I might be able to create suitable jewellery for my unsuspecting family and friends. A smidgen of Have I Got News For You on catch up TV and its time to write the blog. I am missing writing letters but at the moment I am focussing on the conference I am attending next week and particularly learning my notes for the debate I am going to be part of.

DVT DAY 243

Thursday and its a day of screen time. Faced with a screen day the day has to start with a bacon bagel. So into the first meeting for which the host turned up and hour late. Still it was all being paid for. Dinner noodles and back to the screen to host an open forum. Heavy stuff, there is some real distress going on out there. Time to walk to the chemist and pick up my drugs before moving on to the next meeting to do the tech run for next weeks conference debate. Then more screen stuff to deal with the days emails and enquires. Once all that was done it was time to write the notes from the forum and tidy up the to do list.

The evening was the relaxation of European football and the blog. Tomorrow promises to be more exciting. There are paths to be de-mossed with a magic potion, training to be done and Christmas to be organised.

This all sounds mundane and boring but I still seem to have got to the end of the day feeling tired, and a bit jaded. Still no American president, so the show goes on. The bottom line is that I miss the bright colours and the smile.

DVT DAY 241

Wednesday and I lay in bed till 9:30 and I hear my phone ring downstairs. I get up and return the call to a friend and then have breakfast, I watch the American presidential election but get bored very quickly as this saga is going to run and run. We might even get to see the second American civil war, which would be interesting if tragic. It would be a shame if bigotry and ignorance forces the reasonable and rational into a violent conflict. Maybe it’s a lesson that if liberal democracy is to survive it might eventually have to defend itself in the streets and it won’t be non- violent because you cannot change bigotry overnight and you cannot educate ignorance quickly.

I undertake a pedicure. Ever since I dropped a weight plate on my big toe years ago it’s been a problem but since chemo therapy exacerbated the problem keeping it comfortable has been a challenge. I view it as a farrier task and approach it as if my toe is a hoof and treat it as such. So taking my cutters and files to it I shape it into a reasonable shape and depth. The task complete I oil my nails and get on with life.

I set about a work task. I am designing an information booklet but in order to do so I have to download documents, change their format, edit them and reorganise them. Life is never simple and I have to move folders from one laptop to another to do the conversions and them back to the original where the software I need is located. It takes hours, literally and before I know it I’ve had lunch, watched the garden guy come and go, talked to friend on the phone, its gone five o’clock.

There was so much I wanted to do in the light but now I shall watch football, eat dinner and then write the blog feeling dissatisfied that I have “missed a trick” and wasted my time. My to do list for tomorrow is now much longer. I guess I will catch up, maybe. What I have found is that I have lost spell check on the updated Word Press platform that the blog is on. Such a pain.

DVT DAY 240

Tuesday and I am back, Yesterday was a crap day and I felt lousy despite a morning work meeting and an afternoon session on the exercise bike in the shed. A combination of disappointment, anger and general pissed offness with life but mostly myself. So this morning I woke expecting the same and was not disappointed. When I find this place I go to the shed and write which is exactly what I did this morning after an omelette breakfast. I wrote stuff to me and letters to others until I had no more to say. I went to the post office and sent my mail, the rest I disposed of. After lunch I Christmas shopped. I had hoped to make presents this year from my jewelry making kit but I find myself lacking in skills, the time to adequately develop them and crucially I am lacking in creativity at the moment. So I resort to plundering others creativity and skills and fulfilling my Christmas present needs. All is going well along with the odd diversion into moss killer and path clear chemicals, I am making progress. disturbingly the laptop is very good at filling forms,including one of my cards apart from the odd crucial bit of information. It makes impulse buying so much easier but then that is the sole function of the internet.

I go to the garage gym and prepare to row. A friend calls me and we talk for the first time in what feels a while. A good moment in my day. I row a slow half hour to help me think and work off some of my tetchiness, which I follow with a race against the machine to get rid of some of the anger that is still floating around inside. I crush the machine over a 1000 metre race. Eat my wake machine I am awesome.

I am back and ready for this lockdown now, I’ve reset, I am not even sure I give a toss who wins the USA presidential election, but of course I will if that arsehole Trump gets in again. They are both older than me, I’m not sure why I am hanging back. Tonight I do nothing but watch football, the Great British Bake Off and think about more Christmas present ideas and possible things to craft in wax.

Lockdown starts tomorrow at midnight, I intend to make this lockdown my most productive period of me centred activity and well being as possible.

A little bit of virus isn’t going to stop me being me!