I left the blog yesterday heading for the comfort of a bath and in that endeavour a found a new friend.
My new bath time friend
I am assuming that this is a cricket. This of course begs the question of what is this crickets name. Jiminy is a bit obvious so I think I will go with Heyhoe , after Racheal Heyhoe-Flint. Somewhere Heyhoe is keeping herself warm but to day I’ve not been able to locate my cricket friend.
Today started with noodles for breakfast and then before I could escape to the the sanctuary of the shed I was ensnared by Enabling Environment e-mails. I spent the morning replying to enquires and sharing information whilst trying to download some contract attachments. It funny how things roll in clumps after a period of dormancy. By the time I had finished it was lunch time, when I finally escaped to the shed to write letters and to make out my August invoices. I came back to the house to use the Wi-Fi to send my invoices and then trotted through the waiting chores, like filling my drugs wallet for the week and putting out the bins. I popped out to ensure my letter got in the post. Back in the shed I hear someone I know talking on Radio Leicester about new ways to bake potatoes and this weekends virtual Pride for Leicester. We exchange messages afterwards and catch up. Time to train. I change and get aboard the exercise bike and do an hour, while my partner and daughter go for there daily exercise walk. I’m still pedalling as they return. Time to change and have tea before writing the blog, perhaps I will look for Heyhoe again and watch some more Heroes.
Sunday; only one things matters, the result of the weekly weigh in. As usual I got myself as light as possible and tiptoed onto the scales.
95.9 Kilos
This is a result and meant that I did not need to train for the day. What it also meant was that I was up to greet the plumber who arrived to rescue our boiler that had stopped working. The boiler has a problem related to a strange phenomenon which means it sucks in water where it should not due to a mysterious vacuum that gets created in the outlet system. All it needs is a quick release and the water drained out of the U-tube trap. For him it was a five minute job, which he did quickly and efficiently. We had the “what this really needs” conversation and agreed he would return next week and fit a value that will rectify the problem, he thinks. I love a good theory. For the rest of the day I gardened, rescuing tomato plants and preparing for the autumn. I also found a busy bee about its business.
Oh to be a busy busy bee.
Monday, bank holiday so doing something outdoorsy was on the cards but before we could go out there were birthday presents to be order for Sweden and wrapped for Loughborough. So breakfast done and presents sorted we head for Beacon Hill for a midday walk. The place was much fuller than the last time we visited but undeterred we set off for our stroll, taking in the GPS ordnance survey point, a carved head and a good view.
Having strolled and viewed the country side we dutifully socially distanced queued to pay for the parking and drove over to see my partners mother and deliver birthday presents for tomorrow. We stayed and chatted and then drove home. I prepared one of my famous one pots and popped it into the oven and went to train in the shed while it bubbled away. I have a lot of training to do to get to my first target weight of 95 kilos, it would be nice to get there this week, so I wonder if a kilo is possible this week. I’m going to give it my best shot. I shall watch Strike tonight and if I am lucky I will get a soak in the bath.
Saturday the Wolf has gone so there is room in the garage now.
The Wolfs space is now taken.
Breakfast is followed by tidying up and putting things away for the Bank Holiday weekend. Trying to place all the accumulated paperwork from the last couple of weeks was an interesting challenge. While the weather was reasonable I headed into the garden to harvest the meagre crop of runner beans and re-stake the tomato plants that are valiantly still trying to flower and fruit. As I tidy up I have the pleasant surprise of finding yet more new blooms and a rather pretty caterpillar.
As the rain started I abandoned the garden, taking in the washing as I did and got into my training gear. In the shed I cranked up the heater to full and pedalled away for an hour or so. I was saved mid way through by partner returning from a trip to town who turned the heater off. Training over I watched Liverpool loose to Arsenal in the Community Shield on penalties. While preparing tea I noticed the boiler was not working and would not reset. It made a distinctive bubbly sound as if floundered. No option but to turn it off and text our local boiler man, who being a hero text back to say he would see us at 9:30 tomorrow morning. He is truly a hero.
The evening was full of Heroes till it was time to write the blog. Tomorrow is the day for the weigh in but as I have been less than active this week I am not hopeful of seeing a weight loss. We shall see.
It is an in controvertible fact that motor car traders are bastards. I go to my “we buy any car” appointment having been offered a valuation of £950. I of course expect a hassle. I arrive and an over friendly person, over weight, and a prole sack dress sense takes my V5 to “check it”. This person returns with a clip board and wanders around the car pretending to know what is being looked at. A few lines are scribbled on the board while I remain in the car and watch in awe of the technical expertise that this person clearly has no idea about. It disappears into the shack to check “what they can offer”. It got all the hallmarks of bullshit written all over it. It strolls, actually more rolls, out and says “we can offer you £700”. I immediately indicate clearly that given the low mileage, good condition, the full years MOT and excellent running order that their offer was derisory and that I would not be accepting their offer. My V5 was returned with the most insincere platitudes of understanding. I drove off cursing myself for being so optimistic and hopeful, older, wiser and even more convinced the motor trade is shit.
I get home and log onto Gumtree and for £26 put the Wolf up for sale. Its an easy process and very effective. The moment the ad went live I got a text offering me £500, which I politely declined. Then a call and then within three minutes I had sold the car for £850. A weird guy who told me a story of being gazumped on a car in Nottingham and said he would pay cash, arrive in two hours and asked if I would take the ad down. I said that if we had a deal then I would and he asked that I save his number and use a password to check it was him. Redbull was his choice of password. So I waited for two hours and he rocked up with a “mate” who turned out to be a mechanic, which on his performance I believed. We go out to the car and start it up while mechanic man looks and listens under the hood. He notes the fan has kicked in on start up which is unusual. He notes the coolant is not the nice pink colour it should be and is in fact very dark and dirty. He also checks the oil level and finds its low and generally the car needs a service. I go for a drive with mechanic man, who drives and we “idly” chat cars and garage space and driving history and al the casual car inquisition crap yo expect. We drive a village down and back. On our return we flip the lid again and he looks again at the engine, he’s not convinced, I can tell. He then notes that the cylinder head gasket is leaking oil at the rear and to one side! Bollocks I think I’m stuffed, this is a major negotiating problem. We lock the car up and the more rotund and surly one starts with the “we are interested” speech. Here we go. “I’ll offer you £400”. “Fuck off and go home” was the start of my rant, which continued as I walked back down my drive. The mechanic, at least looked a little embarrassed and started to make excuses for his fat moron friend, and then we started to haggle, he trying to say he could see I was an alright bloke and could we at least talk. We talked and I refused his offers and then said if we could not get to £800 I was out and started to walk away. At that point we agreed, shook hands and we went inside to do the paper work, while my daughter counted the money. With everything signed off they left. I waved them off partly relieved that moron man had given me good reason to be righteously indignant and knowing that a leaking head gasket was worth more than £50 off the asking price. If they had been reasonable in their offer I would have been knackered.
I waved them off and immediately got on the DVLA website and reported the change of ownership, job done, almost. I then spent several minutes waiting on the phone to Sainsbury’s insurance before getting to tell them not to renew my insurance, which was due in 10 days. So I was at last Wolf free, road tax free, and insurance free with money in my back pocket. A day of aggravation, adventure and interaction with my fellow species members that did nothing to raise my opinion of the motor trade.
Just as I finish all my car chores my partner and her brother arrive home from a research trip to a mobility centre with a view to convincing their mother to go for one. Nice to chat and relax after such a day of lows and highs. My evening was quietly waiting for Tesco to save us from starvation and a chance to play hide and seek provisions. Then more Heros and a chance to blog.
It’s been a while. It’s a combination of business and a certain reluctance due to this being a period of time when lots of anniversaries of my illness are coming around. This has been prompted by our current correspondence with the financial Ombudsman as we argue over the issues related to my time in Jamaica back in March 2019. I also notice that not many people are looking at the blog, but as it was only meant for friends and family that’s okay. I guess most of the odd people that dropped in occasionally will have got bored with the humdrum nature of my daily life, with or without the cancer element to it.
On Tuesday of this week I took off and went to have coffee, lunch and conversation with a friend at the Yorkshire Sculpture Park (YSP). It was my first “long haul” drive and my first trip on my own to see someone outside the family. I was quite nervous about driving a reasonable distance, not because I did not think I could but just the time since I had done it. I think this is part of my institutionalisation and one of the reasons for my determination to get out in the world again and try and do ”normal” things rather than retreat to my shed as a first response to getting up in the morning. I need to know how the world functions at the moment in its new COVID form so that I can understand where there are new risks for me as a person who was told I had to Shield due to my vulnerability. That’s another part of my institutionalisation, the internalising of being “vulnerable” and as a consequence dependant on others for my safety. That does not sit well with me and I need to l know what the reality is. My basic view is I have a life limiting illness and I am not going to spend that time cowering in a corner, I intend to live it as fully and as well as I can. It sounds cold but it forces me to prioritise what is important and what is dross and to be discarded.
Any way I drove up the M1 and found that I was being very law abiding and pootling along at 70mph and negotiating the traffic and the rain well. It felt good to get into the car and settle into it again, although I was aware of tension on my neck as I concentrated on getting everything right. I also had to think twice about some of the controls for the “toys” on the car as I had not used them for a while, but it soon came back to me. On arriving at YSP the first encounter with COVID was my using an electronic ticket on my phone to get entrance. One thing that has increased during lock down is the number of Apps on my phone. The attendant scrutinised my phone ticket and waved on to the new one way system. I met my friend in the car park and we went off to have coffee in the upstairs restaurant. There was a one way system and a socially distanced queuing system for the toilets. The same one way system and queuing rules applied to get coffee and food. There were of course plastic partitions up at the counters and the staff all wore masks. In fact I also wore my lion face covering. We got coffee and moved into the dining area where the tables had been thinned and were far apart. It was strangely sparse with attendants in mask hovering with table cleanser. The tables slowly filled with a whole range of people and families with very small children who looked a bit odd in their “small people” face masks. We talked for a long time, interrupted only by bacon sandwiches and more coffee. It was a real pleasure to talk about the world and to hear about this COVID world from another view point than my own family. It was also good to talk about the effects of COVID living and compare the experiences of dealing with the restrictions as they had effected both our families. We took a walk around some of the grounds that are strewn with sculptures of all sorts of shapes, sizes and impact. The grounds are breath taking and incorporate a large lake that can be walked around, along which sculptures are studded.
The lake at YSP
We returned to the restaurant for afternoon drinks and a snack and watched as the rain poured down across the park. The experience of being out in the country was immensely relaxing and freeing, it made realise how confining lock own had really been and reinforced my sense that I needed to be getting out and about and doing the normal things again. I also realised that the world will be this new sanitised version but that it is doable. It also reinforced the knowledge that maintaining friendships and being able to exchange ideas, experiences and observations is vital to keeping reasonable, rational and thinking. We left as the restaurant was emptying and the attendants were spraying and cleaning everything, using the hand sanitiser as we left. Saying farewell I started the drive home in quite persistent rain. I was still a bit anxious about the drive but as the rain stopped and settled into the old routines of driving I found I relaxed back in my seat and enjoyed the last leg of the journey.
Home and I had time to reflect on eh new COVID world and the fact that everyone else in the world seem to be just getting on with it with some or little adjustments. I recalled a virologist on TV commenting that the incidence of COVID virus I the population is generally low except in those areas where there is a spike. My experience of YSP would seem to support this in terms of the way most people are responding to it. So I settled into and evening of Heroes and with a long to do list for Wednesday.
Wednesday arrived and I set about my long to do list. First was another trip out to buy a Hippo bag in which to dispose of the fence that was to be taken down later in the day. Our local B&Q provided the need bag and I returned home to start on the various tasks of the day. I have decided to sell the Wolf, my Suzuki Jimny, I can no longer justify keeping a second car, the garage full and the expenditure for the very few miles that I drive it for.
The Wolf
Having got it through its MOT on Monday now is the time for it to go, so I did the “We Buy Any Car” valuation on my phone and found they were offering a couple of hundred more than they did pre MOT. An offer too good to refuse, so I booked an appointment for Friday. If I sell it on Friday I avoid a full years tax and insurance, which is a lot of taxis or hire car days. Feeling efficient after this I moved onto finding a stained glass repair service and sent them photos of our front door with its damaged circular glass panel and asked if the work can be done. I await a response, I suspect it may be too boring or too small to whet anyone’s appetite and we will resort to more stick tape, plastic sheeting.
By the time it came to the open forum that I attend on a Wednesday I had dealt with some work e-mails and was looking forward to a good discussion. It never happened, Icould no tget in on the lonk and I heard later that no one turned up. As the rest of the world gets on with life there is no need for a forum to talk about getting back to normal and dealing with COVID, people are, so they do not need a forum any more That’s my view an I think I am probably right. I will see if anyone turns up to the one I host on Thursdays. I hope they do for a little while yet as I enjoy hearing the experiences from around the country in the various services that are represented.
My afternoon was one of grunt and carry as our gardener, Dan, turned up with his chain saw and equipment to take down the back fence in the garden. I unfurled the Hippo bag and acted as labourer. I humped the bits of chainsawed fence to the Hippobag set up in front of the front hedge of the house while Dan sliced though the panels and reclaimed the posts that were worth saving.
One dead fence waiting to go
Good old fashioned manual labour that works up a sweat and makes you feel you have achieved something when the job is done and done well. As the neighbours over the back have put up brand new fences I have no need to put a new fence up so the back end of my garden now look really good thanks to their new fences. Sometimes life smiles.
So as the sun shone I felt pleased with the decision and the outcome and was ready to watch more Heros during the evening. I am beginning to wish Heros was at an end as I find I am not reading at the moment and I want to finish Girl, Woman, Other. I note that there are another two series to go when I do get to the end of this first series of Heros, I might have ot pace myself.
Thursday starts with a phone call from the hospital to check on my DVT. A socially skilled doctor chatted for 12.5 minutes about my DVT and medication, in contrast to my oncologist who could not get off the phone fast enough. We discussed how Iwas and agreed to reduce my apixaban to a prophylactic dose for the next six months and if all goes well he will sign me off but keep me on the prophylactic dose for the foreseeable future as my cancer is a precipitating factor in DVTs. I came away happy. So here I am writing the blog when I am not tired and trying to get back to what it was intended for. I think part of my abruptness of entry has mostly been due to tiredness but also the re-stimulation of al the Jamaica stuff and what followed. My phone is a running history and as I have had to refer to it a lot in order to frame a response to the Ombudsman I have found myself siting with a lot of memories I thought I had moved on from. At the moment I am combining the philosophical saying that life is not a problem to solve but a reality to be experienced with my view that yesterday has gone, today is to be experienced and tomorrow is what I make it. Having these memories re-stimulated is a nuisance and makes experiencing today a little more tricky, however I have an open forum to host soon and Wolf to prepare for tomorrow, not to mention a training session to do.
Today the Wolf passed its MOT. I trained and for most of the day I tried to word a response to the Ombudsman’s view of our complaint. I found it difficult to be restrained but it is drafted now and will be slept on for a couple of days just to make sure it says what we need it to. We also took a family ride out to our David Lloyd club to see how it was social distancing. It was okay and I felt the urge to row again but that is for another day. The evening was all Heros. Its good but I never realised there are 26 episodes in series one. That is a serious binge watch.
Sunday and a day of rest, I think not, not when there are potatoes to lift, a green house to empty, a paddling pool to empty, a house of bins to empty and the weekly recycling to be sorted, a computer account to be created and the ombudsman decision to be thought about and challenged and then the cars to be prepared for tomorrows jaunt to the garage.
Oh yes the most important thing, it was Sunday weigh in time. Success, a weight drop, today is a no train day and the joy of a treat. Mine has been a Mars Ice Cream.
Tomorrow is back to the battle and the real world of MOTs, Enabling Environments and Ombudsman work, and of course training and deinstitutionalisation. Go me.
Friday has gone, vague memories of training, rugby, agreeing with our garden guy to get rid of our back garden fence and cooking beef in red wine. Also a growing awareness that it is nearly the anniversary of the start of the blog and therefore the start of chemo. To many anniversaries for comfort.
Today (Saturday), was a day that got started late, a good oversleep, that turned bacon bagels into lunch. In the continuing effort to deinstitutionalise the family headed for Beacon Hill in search of sculptures.
We obviously arrived at the wrong car park, no sculptures , so we walked and looked at the views. It has a rock outcrop that appears to be a mans profile. I am sure the locals have a name for him but I cannot remember what it is.
The showers were an interesting experience but they desisted enough for us to enjoy a large ice cream.
The size of the ice cream was an accident as we did not appreciate just how large, large is. I donated my flake in order to keep to my no chocolate and sweets rule. Home and the depressing spectacle of Leicester Tigers playing like school boys and getting beaten soundly. Home made pizzas lead to a evening of Heroes. The anniversaries keep creeping closer and tomorrow I shall need to go over them all to write a response to the ombudsman. Its strange how the past keeps returning. However the biggest issue right now is what happens when I step on the scales tomorrow morning for my weekly weigh in. There is a limit to how long I can tolerate my phone telling me I am obese.
Today has been long and a bit of a curates egg. It started with my kidney blood test results popping up on Patient View. It was overall good news. My potassium spike has dropped back into the normal range, hurray. Although my eGFR (roughly the percentage efficiency of the kidneys) is outside the normal range of 60+ it has gone up to 54, which is not bad for a guy that had kidney failure 18 months ago, and 60+ is for average healthy folk. Go me. My sodium level is good. Yippee. My Urea and Creatinine levels are still outside the normal range but not far off and getting closer in the right direction. More go me, reasons to be cheerful, 1, 2, 3.
So a good start to the day and not even a first coffee done yet. Next on the list was taking my partners car to the garage for its MOT, I waited in the café down the road eating bacon and sausage sandwiches washed down with coffee. During this time I had a WhatsApp conversation that introduced me to Spotify as a way of listening to the Umbrella Academy sound track. So one download later I have Spotify on my phone and a strange range of music suggested to me. I’ve yet to play with it but I am looking forward to the experience. Back to the garage an hour later and Bingo, the MOT has been passed, £45 of joy, go me yet again.
So back home and time to open the shed up before preparing for the Open Forum I host on behalf of the Enabling Environment team at the RCP. So an hour flies by in cyber space as the ravages of COVID get explored and dealt with. Once the hour is over their is a short debrief with a colleague and I retreat to the shed to start writing up my session notes. I am half way through this task and the woman from the financial ombudsman rings to tell me what her view is. I go into the house and put her on speaker phone and for an hour we listen to her talk her way through her understanding and her view. There is no way to describe what it was like going over one of the most distressing time of ones life not mention that of the rest of the family. The conclusion was that, in simple terms if you call something a good will gesture you can withdraw it when it becomes too expensive, which sounds to me like good will with ill intent. So she mentions a figure and we stay silent, eventually saying there is a lot to take in and we want to examine the documents when they arrive and have time to think about our response. Being told how much someone appreciates the distress we have suffered and then putting a price on it is disconcerting when the figure is so low.
A walk to the shop to buy chocolate, zero alcohol beer and other comfort food. Home to clear the kitchen and to eat the traditional Thursday tuna pasta. The evening passes quietly and I write the blog feeling a bit numb. So as I said at the start, today has been a curates egg, good in parts.
EVER FORWARD, YESTERDAY GONE, TODAY THE REALITY TO BE EXPERIENCED, TOMORROW WHAT I MAKE IT.
It rained on me when I went to the GP for a blood test. It rained on me on the way back and when I went to bring the bins in, It rained on me when I went to the shed to work and when I returned to the house to join an open forum. It rained on me on the way back to the shed to train and when I had finished and returned home. Its raining still and looks like its with us for days. I am not impressed. However a friend has rung me and invited me to meet for coffee at the Yorkshire Sculpture Park next week, which I shall do. It fits my deinstitutionalisation plan so I will look forward to the opportunity to have different conversation and a change of scenery.
