Wednesday and I feel like a slug, vaguely headachy and lethargic, fortunately no one is going to want me to do anything intelligent till 2pm. So a smoothie breakfast, black coffee and drugs to get me going before I look at what I need to do today. The post arrives early with the oncologist letter to the GP and a leper letter telling me how to vote in the coming local election. Best of all is a letter from a friend in Scotland who writes interesting and witty letters. So with a second coffee I settle down to read. Whilst doing so my LUSH order is delivered. At the end of the letter I open my LUSH parcel and delve into the package maggots to retrieve my haul of bath bombs. Its such an indulgence but I consider myself worth it. The variety is large and I cannot wait to try some of the new ones, especially the eggs and glistening orange flowery ones. I suspect the rabbit will survive for quite a long time, too cute you see.

I lunch and get ready for the one time I need to be intelligent in the day. It is a test of Lifesize a meeting platform over which I am doing a therapeutic community assessment next week. Before the test I ring my GP to organise my 28 day injection for Monday. This time round I will follow the oncologist’s advice and dose myself up with paracetamol the day before, the day and the day after. The test goes well with no hitches, which I am mildly surprised at. I tried to down load the software to get my own account but this turned out to be more of a test which ended in failure. Once the test was over it was time to head for the shed and to train for an hour.

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It was a tough session as my legs had not recovered from yesterdays long row. I returned to the house and took the bins in and noticed that my garden was suddenly full of flowers, so I took a few pictures.

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I get myself comfortable and watch the early football match as I write the blog. An evening meal and the end of football so back to the blog. My evening is in the balance between a bath bomb bath, football and the final episode of the Bay. Of course there are two unread books beckoning me and some tasks that are niggling away at me. Just over a month to go and I will be able to drop my bell and run off into the world to eat with strangers, shop with the hoards and embarrass myself by hugging unexpecting people. It is at this point that I will discover that the most serious affect of COVID will have been to turn the entire population haphephobic.

Its Tuesday and a meeting day so its a quick muesli and drugs breakfast before getting ready to be on screen again. The meeting goes well and is really useful. Of course there is work to pick up and information to share so I set to and send the emails and make the notes.

While I am doing this the post arrives. My first letter is another “get back in your box boy” letter and confirms my leper status until the end of March. I am not over joyed but I can withstand the ennui that the situation generates. I might even get round to learning the banjo.

The second letter was a classic. It is a letter to my GP informing her that the specialist at the DVT clinic has signed me off. On reading it is quite positive and supportive. It has one fatal flaw. Point 1 is wrong. It was not my left leg that had the DVT, it was my right leg. Not a letter to fill me with confidence in the medical profession.

A brief lunch of bacon and coffee and I am ready to finish the admin work from this morning and read a report on how prisoners were surviving, or not the pandemic in prison. I decide to head for the garage and to row for an hour. Its the first time I will have rowed for an hour so I am interested to see how it goes. It went as follows;

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I am pleased with the way the hour goes and particularly pleased to have averaged a kilometre every five minutes. Its a personal best that I can challenge in the future. My body tells me it knows what it has just done so I get myself into a warm bath as soon as possible. I now like to get in the bath and then add the bath bomb, its just more fun.

I read in the bath and finish the book on under achieving white working class boys. I am intrigued by “pen licences”. Apparently some schools insist on a certain level of performance before you get a ” pen licence” which means you can then use a proper pen. At least as far as I can make out this is the case. In my humble opinion whoever thought this was a good idea for white working class underachieving boys was an unmitigated arsehole. As a dyslexic white working class under achiever not having a licence would become a matter of pride and motivate me to spray paint “wanker” on the school wall.

I get out of the bath and start the blog as a friend rings and we have a chance to say hello and talk about COVID, family, work, sewing and all the other things we are doing. I eat tea and return to the blog before the nights football match but not before I order my monthly block of drugs from the GP. My jab Monday is looming. Not my favourite experience.

Monday 9:52am, first meeting due to start at 10am. By 10am am in front of my ZOOM screen with a breakfast smoothie and a black coffee. Go me. So from then until gone 4pm I am embroiled in a meeting which also contained three statements and a lie game. So in essence my day was a screen day of indescribable ennui.

Meeting over I head for the shed and a chance to pedal the day out of me. An hour later I am feeling better.

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I return to the house, change and then wrestle with a printer and its reluctance to talk to a laptop. Tea is eaten and the kitchen cleared just before Tesco deliver. In a moment of task free time I set up the new Echo dot in the bedroom so that the old alarm clock can be ditched. Now Alexa will wake us up with Eric Satie at 7am. I settle to watch some TV and then to write the blog. I feel tired and drained without quite knowing why. A kind of under skin itchy discomfort that nags at me and I am unable to settle.

Let me say straight away that who ever thought PDF was a good idea was barking mad. Its the worst most inhospitable, user unfriendly format that could have been devised. There is nothing intuitive about it and seems to have been devised as an irritant to humanity. I have finally managed to fill in the final ombudsman form using it and told the ombudsman to bring to an end the long haul to failure that has been going on. Its done, its over, we have to move on. Finally the pain the kidneys that has been going on since March 2019 is coming to an end. The resolution or ending has become more important than the issues, we take the minuscule amount of award and scamper off to the future.

Today was weigh in day.

91.6 Kilos No change this week.

I am claiming my white chocolate raspberry cheesecake reward anyway along with the bacon bagel breakfast, which I thoroughly enjoyed. Post breakfast I cleaned the fish tank which the fish community appreciated as they can now watch television unimpeded by the green curtain between them and the strange air world.

Fish done I move on to read the paper and then have a long chat with my youngest daughter at our regular Sunday face time call. Her birthday presents are starting to arrive to the custody of her partner who I have offered to get an elf suit for. Once over and waved farewell I watch a brilliant game of rugby, London Irish versus Bristol Bears, it ends up an improbable 34-34 draw. Its games like this that restore my interest and motivation in sport. Unfortunately these games are few and far between, but when they do come along I can hear my roller blades calling to me. I’m very tempted. Resisting the temptation I head for the garden and plant the Chinese Meadow Rue that arrived mid week. Two in the front border and two in the sloping bed at the back. If they go well I might well increase their numbers.

As the light fades I return indoors to continue to write the blog that I started earlier. I tell Alexa to play Chopin nocturnes, its so much better than a TV wallpaper. Which reminds me of an earlier conversation with my partner. We have decided to replace the old alarm/radio with an Echo Dot 4 as it will do more, take up less space and is flexible. I ordered it earlier so tomorrow the household may take a leap into the future.

My evening is going to be food followed by, reading maybe, football maybe, a new TV series starring James Nesbit maybe, updating the Tesco order definitely and a warm pre work week bath, perhaps all of these things.

I miss my friends, I miss family and the people I care about outside of my immediate family it makes me aware of how many of them I owe letter to. All this and a busy week ahead, how did life in lockdown get so busy all of a sudden?

Saturday, breakfast, weekly drug wallet filling and off to the garden centre to buy pies and sausages. Home and food stowed there is tidying to do, some reading and a couple of crosswords to finish. My partner adn I spend time buying and sorting out birthday presents for our youngest daughter. All of them have to go to her partner before the day, so he will be getting some interesting parcels to hide. Before long its time to watch Leicester Tigers put in a rare good performance and beat Wasps. By the time that little miracle has happened its gone 5 o’clock and time for me to head for the garage to train. Today is a rowing day, I decide to row for 45 minutes but to up the resistance of the last 15 minutes to a level 6. My logic is that its a rest day tomorrow and I need to push a bit harder to take me out of my comfort zone. It works, by the time I get to the end of the session I am fatigued more than usual. I’ve said before my exercise is like a medication to me and I need to keep it affective, hence to day I push.

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Post training there is tea and films to watch, two tonight again. This is not a habit I want to get into when I have such good books to read. I write the blog to the sound of Eric Sartre as midnight approaches. Tomorrow is weigh in day and in a moment of optimism I bought my treat for Sunday; a white chocolate and fruit cheesecake, lets hope I earned it.

Not an exciting day, a run of the mill, a keeping myself on track day. In my moments of reflection I think about a meeting I have on Monday, a friend eating her birthday present and the quiet of space forming a mirror which reflects only what stares wonderingly into it.

Friday so an easy day in theory. I lazy muesli breakfast and then a quick read to finish volume 1 of the BI-BLE. Unable to stand the raggle taggle state of my beard any more I head for the bathroom and trim it, applying my newly acquired beard wax, as recommended by my son.

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I head for the shed and spend my morning writing a letter. During this I had a conversation with a friend about garden plants suitable for hiding fences and providing colour in the garden perennially. By lunch time I am ready to go to the post box and get the letter on the way.

A brief lunch and I head for the shed again in my training gear and put in an hour on the exercise bike. The last bike session of the week, it goes well.

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A long bath bomb bath followed. I lay in gold glitter water and read more of Lets Hear it from the Boys. It is a book written for the teaching trade but the content rings so many bells with me. What is so disturbing is that nothing has changed since the sixties till now. I guess working class white boys are as screwed as they have ever been, except back in the sixties there were apprenticeships and borstal.

Friday evening is February family film fun night so after tea we all settle down to The Martian and The Matrix, the later still being a good film. Of course there is popcorn. As my family disappear to bed I settle down to write the blog.

I am beginning to feel the effects of shielding for so long. It feels as if I am getting “distance sickness”. Sartre wrote Nausea about how isolation creates an awareness of the existential nature of life. It feels as if this is creeping up on me. Having said that its time for me to sleep.

Thursday is a working day and I am up and breakfasted by my first meeting at 10am. It is a meeting to discuss a specific training and how we should go about it. It is a lively and interesting meeting which moved us forward.There is still a lot we do not know but we a have a better understanding of where we are in our own position and thinking. At the end of the meeting I continue and chat to a colleague about the work and of course football. By the time we have exhausted the topic its time for lunch and to unwrap my latest book from Amazon. I eat lunch and and then it is time to host the Open Forum. It is a good hour and I come out of it with new ideas and some work to do. So I spend time emailing colleagues and tiding up the loose ends.

I need a rest and a smoothie and spend an hour reading my new book. As soon as I start to read it I am hooked.

I was a white working class boy who failed at school in the 1960s and here was some one asking why white working class boys are still failing in the education system in 2020. The answers are very interesting and includes a form of stereotyping and marginalisation that is extremely powerful. It has echoes of the same processes that marginalise and disadvantage bisexuals in the community.

I go to the garage to train and climb aboard the rowing machine. After half an hour of hard rowing my shoulders ache and I am tired. I now think of this training as part of my anti cancer medication,to be taken each day on a regular basis. So when the pain kicks in I remind myself that this is just swallowing the drugs and that I will feel better later and live longer.

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I clear the kitchen and go for a bath bomb bath and finish reading the first volume of the BI-BLE and more of Lets Hear it From the Boys. I am glad I am back to reading, it makes me feel I am still alive and engaged. Its Thursday and tuna pasta night, it is also European football night as well. So I am set for the evening as Leicester draw and Rangers fight out a win. All this and the entertainment of Death in Paradise brings me to writing the blog.

Friday will be a shed day for writing letters and training but also its time to trim the beard and try out my new beard wax as recommended by my son. Most important of all is the chance to keep on reading and thinking. I miss my friends. It was a friends birthday today and although it was possible to send a gift and send birthday wishes it somehow falls short of the opportunity to celebrate.

Wednesday, an empty day in terms of work so its a lazy breakfast and a tidying up of some work notes. I listen to Eric Satie thanks to Alexa and read some more of the BI-BLE, which continues to engage me. The post man arrives and so I receive lots of new recycling but amidst the dross was a surprise card from an old colleague and my final Arizona Coyote T shirt in the rather lovely retro design.

No sooner than I have admired my new T shirt the door bell rings again and there is a box for me containing the external outlet covers that I had ordered in the wake of my condenser outlet freezing and choking the boiler to submission. This springs me into project action. I get the tools I need and the “no nails” and head for the out doors to the condenser outlet. I find that I cannot get the base plate round the pipe work so I have to cut a slot out of it. Simple in theory but getting the vice out and the work space set up in the garage hampered by the growing number of charity boxes collecting in the space is a decided pain in the arse. I manage the surgery and return to the cold outdoors and endeavour to “no nails” the back plate to the wall. Learning point, “no nails” is crap at plastic to brick sticking. In the end I get the drill out and screw the back plate to the wall. Once that’s done its easy to screw the front on and congratulate myself on a good job.

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Time for lunch and then I head to the shed to train. I was going to write but sometimes I just know its not the right time and there is more processing to be done. I train on the bike for an hour.

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I get back to the house and find that two new books have arrived, volume two of the BI-BLE and Kae Tempests first novel, “The Bricks that Built the Wall”. I’m excited to read them both. It seems I have overcome my reading block, which is a relief.

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I head for the bath book in hand and throw in a seaweed bath bomb and soak for a while. Tea and I settle down to write the blog, read some more and maybe watch a bit more football. Tomorrow is a work day for me and I already feel slightly peeved that it will interfere with my reading time.

Tuesday, a work day, so a quick breakfast and then some pre-meeting preparation. I listen to Alexa play me music and tell me what the news headlines are. By the time I have scribbled notes I am ready for my one to one with the manager of the project I contribute to. I have time to read my new book of essays called THE BI-BLE. It’s a series of essays by bisexuals describing their experiences, such as their invisibility and lack of representation in society and culture. I find the accounts powerful and in some senses familiar or at least reminiscent of many of the clients I have worked with over the years. It also reminded me of the many LGBT+ colleagues I have worked with during my career, many of whom had histories that now I think about it would suggest that I had known more bisexuals than I had realised. The meeting is useful and contained a surprise, but I cannot share it or I would have to kill you. Meeting over I make a quick call adn then I am Zooming to a group of people and introducing them to the wonders of Enabling Environments. I made a poor start but took breathe and pulled it round by the end. I left them with homework to do before we meet again in two weeks time. At the end I felt drained adn jaded adn very dissatisfied by my performance. So I put the recycling bin out and had another mug of coffee.

I prepared a pork medallion one pot and stuck it in the oven before getting my training gear on and going to the garage. Today was a rowing day and the day I decided to row for 45 minutes, a longer row than usual. The outcome was good.

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Post garage I changed and got the one pot out of the oven. The family ate, politely, the dish was not good, in fact below par. I doubt I am going to cook it a gain as it is turning out to be a regular failure. So I settle down to watch football and Marcello, having checked my Amazon account and chased orders. A friend rings and we talk for a time about families and what COVID and its cloak of death is doing to us all, especially the children. It is a good conversation and one which leaves me with images that intrigue me.

Back to the sofa where I down my evening meds, eat ham and write the blog. It feels a vey mixed day and I look forward to a more reflective day tomorrow.

Monday and I’ve done bugger all so far today except procrastinate and distract myself from the terrors of training. There have been a couple of highlights the first being the delivery of my Hockey against cancer ice hockey jersey from the Arizona Coyotes. Its lovely, and of course I put it on immediately to pose in, not that I am vain or anything like that. The challenge is to wear it for the day without spilling anything on it .

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So I clear the place up a bit and attend to some admin work before lunch rolls round. I have time to duck tape a late birthday parcel going to Sri Lanka before having an omelette lunch. Kitchen cleared I set off to the shed and retrieve the outdoor camera that is set up on the shed wall. This was a Christmas present which has been sitting out in the garden keeping watch. I bring it in and hook it up to my laptop and behold there are pictures of next doors cat and a squirrel. The squirrel looking cute and also arse up drinking out of the pond.

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So as Alexa plays me coffee lounge jazz I get an early start on the blog to while away the time as I wait for the Tesco delivery. Once that’s done I can go to the shed to train. Tonight will be present buying for a family birthday and time to read a bit more in the comfort of a bath bomb bath hopefully. I go to the shed and train once the Tesco delivery is done. It a tough session and I get close to my personal best. Close but not quite close enough.

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The session is tough and I am glad to get back in the house and strip off and cool down. A meal follows and I up date the blog. I am ready to soak and to read and to rest.

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