Thursday, its 8 o’clock, I’m up and its muesli (yep good old healthy muesli) for breakfast. I clear the kitchen, take my drugs and settle down for my first meeting of the morning. A meeting mainly about the timing of meetings, they happen now and again, all part of life’s rich tapestry. I go straight from one meeting to the next only this one is fun and is preparing for some delivery of training next week. It was fun, business like and relaxed. I came out of it inspired to upgrade my presentation. A quick fried egg sandwich for lunch, (note the less healthy step in my food intake) and I return to tarting up my presentations. I embed videos and add more pictures so by the end of version 4 I am nearing satisfaction. Time is getting on so its time to get myself into the garage and row for a session. A friend calls me and we chat about a busy world. I row, averagely, no below averagely.

I record my session and then change in to lazing clothes and watch a football match during which I eat tuna pasta. I blow any pretence of healthy eating by indulging in a Mars Bar ice cream.My eldest daughter is picked up by a friend and disappears till the weekend, I continue to watch football punctuating it with coffee and chocolate digestives. By now its obvious that healthy eating is out of the window. I write the blog flat. Its all a bit dull really, the wind is blowing.

Wednesday and I get up to empty bins and sunshine. A muesli breakfast, coffee and drugs follows quickly. I check my social media and emails, nothing there to lighten the self so I move on to planning the day. I will inevitably end up in the Shed. I didn’t. I ended up doing some work as some of my services actually want some stuff from me. Mid morning I slip out and fill the car, check the tyres and buy a paper. It also allows me to retrieve the emptied bins, which the garden guy will be pleased about. I return to find more work has arrived along with some post including a surprise present parcel from my sister.

I dip into the book and find myself drawn in quickly. A friend calls on her way to the golf course and we chat about how we are copping with things. In the conversation she uses the phrase “terminal illness” in relation to me. It is a stark reminder of my situation and how much I push this out of my mind. It is a useful reminder and will help me train later. At lunchtime the family go for a walk around the village and pick up a loaf. Once back I have a soup lunch and do a bit more work, mostly sorting out my diary and organising the coming weeks. Its time to train and I am struggling to get motivated but I eventually get into the garage for a half hour row, that goes reasonably well. My stomach is still sore from Mondays injection so the row was a bit more tiring than usual.

I record my session and then go to change during which I take a call from a friend and chat about life in the real world with its work and family demands. I change and watch an early football match until tea and then watch a really good European football match. I cave in and indulge in chocolate digestives before finishing the blog for the day.

Tuesday and I am up in time to make a bacon bagel for breakfast before parking my arse in front of the laptop to observe three hours of training on … This is the tricky bit because I’m not sure, its not that I did not know what the material was I was just confused how it was supposed to work with a group of people who do not meet, communicate or practice relational practice with each other. Any way it passed the morning and lead to an entertaining catch up telephone call with a colleague. Time for lunch and to train. I go to my wardrobe to select my attire for tonight, as I am going out, to find that the wardrobe rail had collapsed and jettisoned my trouser collection to the floor. I was not amused but stoically gathered up my battery drill, head torch and spare rail supports ( of course I have). I set to and empty my wardrobe before installing new support brackets and then rehanging my trousers. Having put way my tools I finally get changed to train. The Shed was welcoming and I clambered aboard the bike and ground out an average hour.

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I record my session and then indulge in a bath bombed bath. Although I like the purple water and the scent I am regularly disappointed that I do not emerge as sparkly as the bath water. Whats the point of sparkly water if you do not end up as sparkly. Hey ho. The water soothes me and I think of others who nurse scrapes and mishaps and count my blessings. I dress to go out but have time to catch a chunk of a football match. On the stroke of 7:30 I drive my partner and I to the next village where we take up our dinner reservation. We have a table up stairs next to four people out for the night who as it turns out are arseholes. One of them very clearly expressed the opinion that it was better when you could smoke on a plane as it drew in more fresh air. FFS this person has been voting for years. Of course people on benefits should be made to gather in the crops now that Brexit has robbed us of fruit pickers. I’m sure you can get my drift. Anyway when we eventually got a drink we ordered food, unfortunately they delivered salmon instead of sea bass, so there was a slight delay in the main courses as they prepared a fresh sea bass dish. In fairness the food was really good and the whole meal pleasant. My partner and I chatted sporadically between dumbstruck silences as the table next to us continued to enlighten their fellow diners with a good old fashioned common sense view of how the world should be. I did discover during the evening that Christmas was not a joyous time for my partner due to the double amount of effort she has to put in to make Christmas work for all the family so I suggested that she does one day and I and the rest of the family do the other day so she gets a proper days celebration. Determined to make that work. I drive us home where she retreats to bed and I write the blog. I have to say it was nice to dress up tonight, proper Oxford bags, matching shoes, crisp white shirt, bright pink jacket and my now long white hair left to flow.

Monday, I wake to find my partner busy doing yoga, my eldest preparing to go to work. I have time for a muesli breakfast and my meds before I run out of the door, and then run back in realising that I have forgotten my injection kit. I get to the GP surgery and get ushered into the clinical room immediately. This month is the right side of my gut and for good measure I get a B12 jab in the left arm. The actual jabbing goes okay but in the after chat I discover that my nice, considerate and thoughtful nurse is retiring and will not be there next time. This is a blow as my injections have been more bearable due to her careful administration. I just hope her replacement does not turn out to be a ham fisted javelin thrower. I drive home and immediately settle down to creating a training PowerPoint for some training delivery in a couple of weeks time. I beaver away all morning until my partner suggests a lunch time walk. We take a parcel for Shri Lanka to the post office and then wander around the village, bumping into my partners brother on the way. We chat for a while and then move on to lunch at home and a crossword to do. I prepare more training slides and send them off to the organiser and my fellow tutor. Its time to train so I change and head for the garage to row for half an hour.

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I record my session and then change before settling down for the evening in which “Only connect” and “University Challenge” will demonstrate my ignorance, although I do get an occasional synaptic out burst which produces a right answer. I shall spend the rest of my evening writing the blog and preparing to observe a training session tomorrow.

Saturday: time to breakfast and to organise, to do chores and to prepare to eat out tonight, but first there is a trip to the gym. Yes to the gym for the first time in over two years. I drive the family there so that my eldest daughter can have her hair done and I can spend time on a cross trainer. 46 minutes to shed 500 calories, not bad after such a long lay off. I spend a bit of time on a weights machine and then donning swimwear I spend ten glorious hot minutes in the steam room. A shower other than my own is a real pleasure and then its into the old club room.

Feeling fresh and clean we return home to prepare for our evening meal with friends. The meal is splendid and full of care and good conversation as it should be between friends. There was the slight distraction for a while of Radacanu the 18 year old wonder girl of tennis winning the US Open tennis championship. We chat until midnight when I drive us home to finally get some sleep.

Sunday, and I weigh in first thing. 95.4 kilos a drop of 0.1 kilos, I am so disappointed after this weeks efforts. I wonder if this is a test of some sort, but that way lay madness. A simple breakfast of eggs and then we make the face time call to our youngest daughter who is recovering from a cold but in relatively good form. Once done its time for me to climb into my “work clothes” and head for the garden with a Hippo bag. I spend some tine clearing the garden and the patio of all the unwanted old sun shades and seed trays before adding the ancient crockery sets and bed linen that is no longer required. With everything stowed that we want to get rid of I cover the bag and secure it. I return to the garden and begin to trim it for winter. I make a reasonable start. By the end of the afternoon, with beds freshly made, non garden kind, my partner adn I sit on the swing seat and watch the squirrels chase each other as a robin sits in the garden and sings to us. We return to our chores, I start to write the blog from yesterday and today. Today is a prophylactic paracetamol day as tomorrow is my 28 day injection coupled this month with a B12 jab. If things go as usual then I’m going to be sore for at least two days and not particularly chipper. I watch Harry Potter films to remind me that good wins in the end. Its a kind of magic of which, Dumbledore reminds us, words are the greatest of all.

Its Friday and it was another bed hopping night to try and get comfortable but as my partner pops out early to get a blood test I start a bacon bagel and coffee. She is back before my bacon is cooked. I dine in front of the TV telling me an 18 year old just got to the US open tennis tournament. I put my washing away and start to prepare some teaching materials. Thank goodness for Power point, in my creative hands its an art form. I beaver away till 11 o’clock when I have a Teams meeting with a manager of several services. It is one of those meetings that is a joy. Positive, constructive and productive. I come away with some useful things to do, an ally and a way forward at the next big meeting with senior managers. So I work till lunch time before taking a walk to the chemist to pick up my months drug supply. I am with my partner so we take a turn around the village and find a friend who had won second prize in the village scarecrow competition with his Gruffalo. We stand and chat to him with his wife for a while and agree to find a date to eat together. We return home, I have a light lunch and retreat to the Shed to write letters before I miss the post collection.

Its the moment in the day when I have to decide to get out of my clothes and into my training kit. It is this moment that at times trips me up. I make the effort and change. I get into the garage and set myself up to row for an hour at a reasonable resistance level so I know I’m going to be in for a tough session. I was right but it was made easier by a friend ringing me mid way through and by the miracle of blue tooth headphones I was able to take the call and chat for a while. An end of week conversation, ending the week and starting the weekend. I row through the conversation and when I’ve said goodbye the radio returns to my ears. Steve Wrights Serious Jokin’. I press on until that last few minutes that determine whether I break the 14 kilometre barrier or not. I push, I do, I ‘m knackered.

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I get to my sofa and record the session. I change into evening “lazers” and watch TV while my partner prepares pizza and wrestles with the aggravation of trying to sort out the bed of nettles that providing home care for her mother has turned out to be. More NCIS and then Jesse Stone while I write the blog. The weekend beckons, dinner with friends, perhaps the gym, the Sunday weigh in, perhaps some mattress shopping.

Thursday and I was right, it was a poor nights sleep and I wake in the spare room bed as it has a harder mattress. So I take a deep breath and prepare to get through the day. I note that I’m saying “get through” and that seems to reflect how I am, I am clearly seeing the day as something to be survived, so things need to change to more of what brings me joy, however now there are meetings to go to.

The meeting goes okay, its good to be able to catch up with colleagues. The downside of doing everything remotely is that it makes me feel remote. As I said to a colleague is does not bring me as much joy as it used to. At the end of the meeting I book a service for the house alarm system and put my washing in to do. I send photos of my DBS certificate to CQC and have a sort through the growing pile of life admin that has stacked up on the end of the sofa. I should explain that the end of the sofa is my office. Its where my wi-fi is other wise I would be in the Shed. The post arrives and brings me this years supervisor register certificate and my oncologists letter to the GP.

The oncologist letter is straight forward and just says they will test my PSA in December and if it has doubled they will offer me a new treatment. The new treatment comes with steroids, which I am not keen on. This is an incentive to keep my PSA down but I’m not sure if this is in my control. All I can do is train, diet and be persistent. Time for a lunch time smoothie. I confirm tomorrows meetings and then check my to do lists. Time to train, today its the bike so I change and head for the Shed. I make it through the hour and do a reasonable distance.

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I record my training session and then head for the bathroom. There is something deliciously self indulgent about a late afternoon bath complete with bath bomb. As I prepare the bath and slip into it a friend calls who I’ve not spoken to for a while. The real world out there is doing things like getting children back to school and working so its good to hear how that it is going. As I chat and soak I am asked if I will give my eldest a lift to circus school, I agree and continue my afternoon pampering. So pedicured, manicured and smelling delicious I emerge from the bathroom to become taxi man. So I drive my daughter to the circus school and wait in the car for the hour reading The Fourth Shore. Its not getting any better, despite a rape, catholic guilt and and chronologically jumbled story line. I shall finish it but I’m not sure I will read the other book by her. I am saved by my returning daughter. We go home and eat tuna pasta while my partner has her singing lesson. There is athletics TV while I write the blog and my basket of freshly dried washing waits to be sorted and put away. Always the mundane hovers and trivia lurks to take the eye of the important things.

Wednesday and yet again the sun shines and yet again I spent last night in two beds in an effort to get a nights sleep. So I wake up irritable and mutter to myself as I empty the dishwasher to get a cereal bowl before I can have breakfast. I note that my eldest daughter has gone for her second jab. I eat breakfast in front of the TV and down my daily drugs and check my emails. I prepare for an Elders meeting.

Elders meeting done, always good to see the group but today there were only four of us, one wonders why. Some admin to do and some chores before I train. I row for half an hour,and it goes okay.

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My evening was football on the sofa surrounded by family, before I crawl off to bed for a disturbed nights sleep, once again I change bed to be on a harder mattress.

Tuesday, its sunny again so I get up and munch muesli for breakfast and check my emails. I book my next 28 day injection appointment and order a side of B12 to go with it. I also order my monthly drug supply. After some class prevarication I get into my training gear and head for the Shed. I’ve decided to crack my low motivation by getting on the bike. I need to break any pattern related to training so I go for the bike today even though I have not used it lately as it might have contributed to my PSA rise. It has also been know for me to pass blood after a tough bike session, which adds to my anxiety about the bike. I clamber onto the bike,strap my aerobic training mask on my face and get going. An hour later I have completed my session and start to fill the pond in the garden as its got low in the heat.

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Time for a shower then lunch, chicken soup. So time to go for a piss, first after training on the bike. No blood. That makes my mind up to use the bike in my future training programme. I ‘ve not got time to dawdle as I have a meeting at 2pm and set about doing some admin work for the meeting. At 2 o’clock I am sat in front of my laptop greeting colleagues. For the next three hours we work away in a new era of new management, new priorities. By the end I am hot and tired but complete one or two tasks related to our conversations. By this time my garden guy has arrived so I go to see him and we chat about the Iris bed he is preparing. I’m moving some of my ancient Iris’s to the front garden where they will get more sun.

I watch some south american football before tea and then settle down to write the blog. The evening will stretch out before me,my only aim will be to get a decent nights sleep and put the bins out.

Monday after a bad nights sleep, muesli breakfast and then I am off to the Shed. I spend my day writing letters. By the end of the afternoon five letters are posted. Then its time to read, eat a simple tea, read some more and then watch some TV before writing the blog. I’ve still not trained today as I still feel off, perhaps tomorrow. A simple day, during which I kept busy.