Saturday, I think of Saturday on Sunday and not a lot comes to mind apart a trip to Sainsburys and then my trip to the Winery in Burton on Trent to meet old colleagues and friends for lunch. A lunch that stretched to five o’clock with food and conversation about a shared history and people in common. It is quality time with people who are important to me and who know me well enough to tell me when I get up myself. I get home an spend an evening with Strictly and a film. I wait till everyone has gone to bed and then I wrap my partners birthday presents and clear the kitchen. Its one o’clock when I go to bed hoping I am tired enough to sleep.

Sunday and its my partner’s birthday, although when I wake I find she has already got up and made coffee. I get up quickly and dress as I remember that we are having visitors at 10 o’clock. A hurried breakfast of toast and coffee and then I start to prepare the evening meal. It is to be beef bourguignon with chunky vegetables and goose fat roast potatoes. I manage to get it into the Crockpot just before one of my nephews arrives with his wife and son. We sit and drink coffee and chat family and work stuff. It is a real pleasure to see them and all too soon they have to leave to go and decorate the Christmas tree at his fathers house.

After they leave my partner opens her presents and we call our youngest daughter. I remember that tomorrow is my 28 day injection and I need to take my prophylactic paracetamol. I take my drugs and settle down to watch the first half of the women’s FA cup and then the Leicester Tigers match. Tigers win. Its time to prepare the birthday dinner. I get the meal ready and we sit to eat. By this time I have retrieved the chocolate cake from the boot of my car and stuck it with candles so when the time comes I can do the traditional entry with a flaming cake and offer the opportunity to make a wish. We eat cake and then its back to Dr Who, Strictly and the blog.

Tomorrow I am back to the GP for my injection. It is my last one before Christmas, the last one of the year. I have one more oncology appointment before Christmas, which I expect will mean another round of scans and then, if my PSA has risen (as it will) then a new course of chemo therapy. So 2022 is likely to pose some new and significant challenges. My old clinical supervisor and mentor has sent me a Christmas card with a letter in it. On the bottom of the letter he has written, ” I follow your blog and delighted to see you fight this cancer. I know at times there are dips when you wonder if its worth keeping going – it is. ” It is just what I needed to hear at this time. So tomorrow I begin again, to fight, to diet, to exercise, to be organised, to be engaged and to find a way through. So thank you once again Michael.

Friday, its report writing so after breakfast and filling my drugs wallet,I head for the Shed. Before I settle down I of course make sure the feeder is full for Squishy and Squashy. I set my Shed up, light scented candles and set about writing my report. I beaver away, occasionally I pause to watch the squirrels rummaging around the garden. My partner returns from having her booster jab and asks if I would go into town with her as she needs to sort out her glasses that are not right. I break off and we go into town to the opticians. It turns out a good visit as my partner gets her glasses sorted, orders a spare pair and gets an old pair mended. Not only does all this happen but the staff member then provides a 25% discount voucher and applies it to the ordered spare pair. Result; so she will get a very good feedback response.

We take the opportunity to lunch out at one of our favourite cafes. A leisurely lunch with a chance to chat and talk about getting straight for Christmas and our expectations for the early part of next year. It is a useful conversation and sets the scene for the next couple of weeks. It also opens the conversation on how long I propose to continue to work and whether to do something else full time. We return home and I got to the Shed to complete the report. I continue to write and do not notice night fall so that when I finish I look up to to the garden in complete darkness. I phone the house to get someone to turn the lights on at the back of the house so I can navigate my way back to the house. I get back to my “soffice” and then send my completed report off to the team. Its a relief to get it done and I settle down to an evening of film watching and finally getting to the blog. Every so often I have a look at the new pictures and smile to myself, I am pleased I bought them. Tomorrow is a Burton dinner day, unfortunately there will only be four of us but it should be a good meal and meeting.

Thursday, the only thing that is worthy of note is the hanging of the newly acquired Jay Nottingham paintings.

The rest of the day has been dominated by fighting a runny nose, sneezing, itchy eyes and trying to stay competent in the morning meetings and a tricky conversation with a manager in the afternoon. Its waring and tiring. So I go to bed hoping to sleep and be good tomorrow so I can complete my report writing.

Its Wednesday and I wake at 8 o’clock in my hotel room. I had rung my partner at almost 1am in the night to remind her to put the bin out. I had woken up in a start and had the blinding thought that the bin had not been put out again which would have meant having a months worth of refuse sitting in the bin for another two weeks with nowhere to put the coming fortnights trash. My partner was not best pleased and was alarmed by the phone going at that time of night. I had awakened her. I was later told that she had gone out immediately in her dressing gown and put the bin out. A hero. We had avoided the crisis.

So I am awake, I have coffee and I shower taking my time as I know that the art dealers does not open till 10 o’clock. I pack and put the bags in the car before checking out as reception. I had decided to have a light breakfast in a cafe before going to the dealers so I drove into York city centre and found a Cafe Nero for another coffee accompanied by a Tuna Melt. I whiled away the time mentally rehearsing my conversation with the dealer. In my head I had decided I wanted both of the Jay Nottingham paintings having been on the dealers website and seen that they had priced the two paintings the same, whereas other dealers had priced the second one at a higher price. I thought that if I could get both for the same lower price that it was good business. I went to the shop and the dealer recognised me. I told him that my partner had seen the picture on their website last night and that she really liked it and that she really liked the other one as well that was in the window. He offered to get it out for me to look at, which I agreed to. In the conversation I asked if the window one was the same price as the one I was buying and would he do both for an equivalent amount. He agreed, we shook hands and we did the money thing while his assistant began starting the paper work and the certificates of authenticity. They said it would take an hour to wrap them and do all the paper work, so I agreed to come back in an hour. I wandered off and celebrated in another Cafe Nero with yet more coffee and pan au raisin. After an hour of slow sipping, nibbling and telephone call I returned to collect my paintings which were now all wrapped up in such a way as to facilitate me carrying them both. There certificates and the invoice packaged inside. I left and returned to the car. I drove home in the rain.

Once home I unpacked all my bags, have a lunch of soup and finish yesterdays blog. I chat to a friend on the phone and then I settle down to write todays blog. The paintings are still wrapped up. Its an odd feeling, across between feeling I’ve done something wrong in spending the money and the feeling I used to get about being scared as a dyslexic handing in homework (a rare occurrence) because of the crap feedback I would get. Its done now so I guess its time to get them unwrapped and revealed to the world ready to go on the walls.

Well there you go, I guess some people will like them others not so much, but I like them. I like the cleanness of them, I like the fact that the guy was not trained but comes from a line of artists and found his own way to his own style. He is one of the current crop of British contemporary artists.

My partner goes out for an evening with a friend and I settle down to order Indian for myself and my eldest daughter and to watch football. I’ve got to the point of having runout of spoons of energy and need to just cruise through to my bed tonight. I guess the excitement of buying art can be tiring.

Its Tuesday night and I am in York. I came up on Monday to see people and to do the York Christmas fayre. Its been a real pleasure to see friends and old work colleagues. I was beginning to think that I might not do this again, mostly rooted in how I’ve been recently but I realise that this is more to do with my anxiety about this months oncologist review. Its entirely possible that I could start 2022 having more scans and then being prescribed more chemotherapy. It all hangs on whether my PSA level has risen again and the state of my tumors in my hips and the cancer in my lower spine. I seem to have arranged a busy December and I wonder if I have just deliberately kept myself in a “doing state” so that I did not have to think too much about what might await me and what that might mean. However it seems this has moved Christmas on a bit. I can feel a “to do list ” coming on to tie up the loose ends.

Having had a wander around the York fayre I found myself disappointed. There are fewer stalls than usual and most are stacked with food, booze or scarfs and hats. There are no original art stalls like the last time I was here, when I bought a couple of lovely miniatures. I did the loop a couple of times and then found a gem of a stall. Suddenly I was drawn to a small stall where a couple were buying a print of drawing, however it was the main content of the stall that drew me in. I watched in frustration as a couple and the stall holder could not make the contactless payment work. In the end they resorted to old fashioned money. Apparently 5g phone did not like 3g payment terminal. At last they left and I could get to see the bits of the stall that I wanted to. For me it was a no brainer, but of course I cannot tell you what I bought or someone would have their Christmas surprise ruined, but I came away pleased.

My meanderings took me to the Shambles and the attractions at the end of it. People were milling around in a kind of stupefied Christmas COVID way being neither cautious nor relaxed. It was a strange feel, even the merry go round seemed to be sluggish.

Before you ask I did of course make it to the best home made chocolate shop in the world in the Shambles. I bought the family a Christmas treat of the biggest presentation box of their chocolates. It contains one of every type of chocolate they make plus a couple extra of my favourites. I foresee much contemplation and rivalry over the choices to be made.

I drifted around the Christmas streets of York and found myself in York Fine Arts. It has three floors of art. An awful lot of prints but some original works. I was wandering around the floors when a painting caught my eye, I liked it, it was not excessively expensive but when it comes to buying art I am hesitant. There is a working class bit of me that thinks there is something not right about buying art for yourself. I can buy art for others but it seems so strange to buy it for myself. I can always think of other ways to sped the money. It seems a wild extravagance, a bourgeois indulgence. Any way I hung around looking at it until the guy at the counter noticed an came over to chat. We talked and I neckily asked him what his best price was. To my surprise he knocked 10% off the ticket price. I told him I wanted to sleep on it but I would be back in the morning. Later in the evening I sent the link to the store to my partner to see the painting. The upshot is that its down to me. So we shall see. Watch this space.

I moved on to meet a friend to have afternoon festive tea at Betty’s. When I arrived I found people queuing to get in. I’m not one for queuing so I hung around waiting for my friend to arrive. When she did arrive I was guided to another entrance to the establishment. We went up some plush stairs to the what I can only describe as the “nobs” tea room. A pianist was playing Christmas carols and occasionally the Snow man theme song. The sandwich’s were nice but crustless, scones were served with jam and cream, small cakes were provided and my coffee arrived in a silver pot. My friend insisted on a photo of me scoffing goodies for the blog, so here it is.

It was a very pleasant way to chat to a friend and to catch up with each others news. It seems we all have crosses to bear and that life is never simple but it also appears that there comes a moment when circumstances and events adjusts peoples priorities and they become aware of what is actually important to them in their lives. From then on its a balance between managing the inevitable shit that comes to us all and the good stuff, which I have to say turns out to very frequently be the ordinary stuff of life. In my case it is seeing my friends and hearing how they are. We finish the tea and we walk back towards the car park via the Christmas lights. We say farewell and I drive back to the hotel to ring my partner and talk art work.

Coffee is a drink I like but today I am awash with it and it makes me feel crap. So I have retreated to the bar for a pint of lemonade and lime to quench my thirst and to write the blog. The hotel bar is full of young people drinking hot chocolate and older people having a bed time beer. I shall return to my room and add todays picture to the blog and then it’s bed for me. Early start for an art wheeler dealer.

Sunday and a very late rise.We drink warm drinks and watch the snow fall before getting up for breakfast. Before I eat I weigh myself for the first time in a fortnight having been away last week and busy this week. I am expecting to have packed on the weight. I weigh in at 92.5 kilos, just a gain of 0.3 kilos. This is a result. I am not sure how this has happened but I will take it. I venture into the garden and refill the squirrel food box. I am rewarded later in the day as both Squishy and Squashy arrive along with a third squirrel to feed from the box. My garden is still trying its best to lift my spirits as my fuchsia bears witness to.

I pack for the journey north as I am going to York tomorrow to meet old colleagues and friends. I discover to my chagrin that I cannot wear my winter Oxford Bags as I am too fat in the gut. I was warned by the McMillan nurse early on that I might get a bit of “a girlie belly”, it would seem she might have been right. Having sorted out my clothes I get down to cleaning out the fish. Its a bit of a pain but the fish enjoy seeing the world again and having a full tank. Hopefully I will not need to do this again before Christmas. I move onto doing some cleaning and doing more organising of Christmas presents. Suddenly it throws it down with snow.

My youngest daughter face times us and we chat about her weekend and of course Christmas stuff. No one knows what anyone else wants and seem to be at their wits end as to what to do. The reality is that no one actually wants more stuff and experiences that are COVID proof are few and far between. Ina moment of madness I emailed the link to get the Jack Vettriano prices of his currently available work. To my surprise I get a reply with an electronic catalogue. Many of the pieces were labeled as “price on request”, however the lowest price painting was £20,000 and the ones I liked were £75,000 and £85,000. So unless I win the lottery I will never own or gift a Vettriano.

My evening rolled from Dr Who to a shower to Show Trial to football highlights to blog. Too many of my evenings are like this, so I am glad of the break tomorrow, it will be good to see people and I am hoping to solve some Christmas present puzzles at the York Christmas market. There is always chocolate heaven if all else fails.

Saturday and I wake to SNOW, the first of the year, and its blowing cold. So a warm drink in bed while watching the snow and then its time to get up. While my partner cooks breakfast I load up my pill boxes for the next two weeks. Breakfast is good and leads to a chat about what we need to do to resolve the pantry cock up that means we have no main meals in the fridge. So as a priority we derive to the local garden centre butches to pick up a couple of meals. Its cold but the sleet has stopped and the roads are clear. Once home having had to take a detour to a locally closed road I set about putting the evening meal into the crockpot. Then its time to do the Christmas cards. I go through my list and my address book. This is an annual ritual where I realise who I have lost contact with and who has died. As a result my Christmas card list is getting shorter. In the world of cyber communication it almost seems impolite to ask for peoples real addresses so I have a group of people who will only get an electronic card. I take a trip to the post box and deliver my Christmas cards into the safe keeping of the Royal Mail. I catch the end of the women’s Barbarian match, which is followed by a special news conference by Boris about the new COVID variant. So its all back into masks and testing the incoming. Having watched the presentation it was time to prepare the rest of the evening meal. My evening was Strictly, of course and then a film about the true story of how a crooked american bank that was laundering drug cartel money was brought down. Another day I have failed to train. I end up the day feeling frustrated and unreasonably irritable.

Thursday and its up early to do a full team meeting at 9 o’clock but not before I spill the the remains of my coffee over the bed and have to trip it. Straight into the washer to form a parallel activity for the da. The meeting turns out to last all morning. There is always admin to pick up afterwards and so it was this day. Lunch and then more house hold chores to do. Amazon delivers more Christmas and a couple of power saving gizmos that need plugging in around the house. I’m intrigued to see if they reduce my electricity bill as they claim. Time for the gym and my first exercise session before going on the writing course. The gym appears to be empty but almost all teh ockers have a padlock on them, it would appear that people. men in the case, are just leaving stuff in lockers over night or longer. In effect people, men , are claiming lockers. Its this boorish, self centred, couldn’t give a fuck attitude that puts me off men altogether. Me I change, train, shower and get out in the shortest possible time. I am bored by all the people, mostly men, just packing on the armour. I manage to drop 715 calories over 7.93 kilometres on the cross trainer, that will do me. I drive home to an evening of tuna pasta,euro football and three episodes of a series about Madeline McCann disappearance. All my years of being a forensic psychologist tells me there is something wrong in all this but I am not quite sure what yet. I never got to the blog, I was knackered and needed to sleep.

Friday, its cold and blowy in the world and I am reluctant to get up but I do, to a muesli breakfast and coffee. I do my usual e mail check and see if there are any messages or me. There are always loads of crap emails to delete and as this is Black Friday there are a lot more to get rid of. At about 10:30am I get a call from a friend adn we talk sewing and Christmas preparations for a while util I hear my partner calling i distress from the office. I find her on the floor of the office apparently having fainted. She tells me her leg and groin hurt while she was sitting working and when she moved it to relive the discomfort she felt great pain and it would seem passed out, hitting her head on the way to the floor. Slowly she recovered and was able to sit up before getting into the lounge to rest. She recovered quite quickly and took her blood pressure which was spot on normal and her pulse was normal as well. We had hot drinks and I went to the shop to buy bread and other bits that we needed while she rested having rung work and told the that she was signing off for the day. Our eldest daughter cooked us lunch and we ate together while theorising what had caused the mornings faint. My partner returned to the lunge to keep warm and I cleared the kitchen. I have a few moments to read a letter from a friend in Scotland. Her letters are always thought provoking and it reminds me that I still have not made it to the Shed to write any of my own letters this week. I know that I shall return to the letter again when I have some time to reread it properly and do the thinking it provokes. At 2:30 I took my daughter to her circus skills session and then went to Sainsburys to get some items we needed. I also stocked up on their very good large sponge and green pad dish cleaners. The Tesco ones just do not cut it. I get home to find my partner asleep in the darken lounge. I down a cup of coffee and an iced bun and start the blog, thankfully my keyboard has an illuminated key board so I can type at my “Soffice” as usual. I reflect that I have done none of the things I intended to do today, so the fish still need a clean, my report still needs to be finished, no one has a letter arriving; except me who got a lovely letter from a friend in Scotland. The garden beckons and needs some late autumn care, Squishy and Squashy need there food box topping up and I still have presents to buy and cards to send just for starters. Its dark now and there is an evening meal to prepare.

My evening goes quickly as I watch a rugby match and then juggle TV with surreptitious Christmas buying and organising. The weather is blowing up and sounds grim. Its due to get worse and continue into tomorrow, so I plan to do Christmas cards, sort my drugs and generally have a day of domestic warmth and comfort. For now its clear the kitchen, watch the end of the ice hockey game and then get to bed.

Wednesday and I am up early to move my car so that my partner can go to work! I have an early breakfast and take a call from a friend before settling into my 9 0’clock meeting. It is a review meeting with the programme manager, it goes well. I then spend the next three hours trying to get the materials I need to deliver a training session in three hours time. The materials I want are blocked by the Share Point so I have to ask colleagues to email the material. I am fortunate and my colleague obliges. I find time to put a meal in the Crock Pot A quick lunch and then I am back in front of the screen delivering my session. It goes quite well and the attendees are talkative and join in. At the end of the session I feel quite pleased and glad I got through it okay.

My evening is a mixture of football, Shetland and Christmas organisation. I finally get to the blog but I am wiped out and it is an effort, it is such a difference from last week when I had the energy to write creatively. Tomorrow I have a team meeting to attend, the thought is draining.

Monday, the return to earth and the joys of the world of IT. An early morning call from a friend is very welcome and it is good to hear how the recovery from COVID is going. It is a slow process but at last it seems to be gaining pace. I spend the day reviewing new evidence for Tuesdays accreditation review of a TC service. There is a telephone call in the afternoon for the team to discuss the review. My evening was spent trying to sort some of Christmas out. Thankfully Amazon deliver to Stockholm which makes it easier to get things to my son and grandchildren in Sweden. I go to bed tired and frustrated that I cannot get into my web pages as there has been a security issue at WordPress. I try to follow the instructions sent to me but they do not work, or I do not work, either way I went to bed miffed.

Tuesday, I am up in the shower quickly. Today is a review day, so its coffee and toast and then I am into the world of Teams and doing an accreditation review for the day. I am recognised by one of the residents from a previous job, always a bit tricky, but it went by okay. All day I listened, asked questions and conferred with colleagues. It is exhausting trying to listen to a room of people on Teams and hear both the said and the unspoken. I get to the end of the day and I am very tired. I make notes and then spend my evening continuing to organise things for my partners birthday and Christmas. I try to get into the website and get success at last. The format has changed and there is a new navigation system, so it takes a while. Tomorrow is another busy day, a meeting and then I am running a training session. This is so far from my experience of last week, it is a rude awakening. I’ve not trained yet and my body is letting me know, I need to do something soon.