Thursday and its the evening and I am here drafting the blog. I cannot face doing the usual “Thursday and I wake…”. So today I will just say that I spent part of my time sorting out the new poetry collection. The rest of the time I spent with my partner having my nails done in the same subtly sparkly way I did before and then took my partner to lunch. We raided M&S where I bought more short sleeve shirts on account of the heat and then came home to watch tennis.

By the evening I am hot and bothered and tired to the point where I cannot concentrate. I try to draft the blog, but the TV is on, and nobody is really watching it and I have a hot flush. I just had to get out of all the “noise” . So here I am laying on the bed trying to keep cool and calm and trying to draft the blog. Its one of those moments when it all comes on top and I have to retreat away from everybody and everything. I’m trying to drink a lot of fluid because tomorrow morning. I am having bloods done for Wednesdays oncology review. I am not confident it will go well given my rising PSA, my backache and the fact that the oncologist is seeing me in person. It just feels there is so much to control and keep hold of at the moment while trying to hold my own and move on. Writing this helps as I get stuff out of me into the world where I can see it and deal with it, my poetry does this to. I find being overwhelmed by the “noise ” distressing and I cannot afford to be like that. I shall try to relax for the rest of the evening and then take me night meds and sleep but not before remembering to change the latex cover for my scared finger as I wear my night finger splint. It is all this kind of stuff that has to be kept a grip of. It feels never ending and I do not know if anyone notices, which I suppose means it must be going well.