Thursday and my first thought is “where is the sunshine” and then I remembered this is England and its May. So I look at the emails and messages and do my vitals before getting up. In a moment of optimism I put on shorts but as soon as I go down stairs I realise this is a mistake. I make breakfast and set about trying to choose which poem I will offer up the Stanza on Saturday. I eventually choose 445, the one that has given me the tittle of the fourth collection in the Cancer Years Series, namely Ordinary Brave.

445

There’s a lot written

about being brave,

lots of slogans

and wise sayings

but none seem to

quite fit.

No one asks to be

Cancer brave,

it’s an unwanted

accolade.

Quietly many men

and their loved ones

get on with things,

each being brave

in their own way.

There is no media fanfare

or out pouring of admiration,

nor is there a rush to do things,

fund raise or join a movement,

just the soft tread through the fear.

If there are tears

they are shed privately

once the mundane is done

and there is a quiet moment

to reflect.

Anger is dissipated

gently, released in gardens,

and in putting things

in order in consideration

of those to be left behind.

It is the resilience unexpectedly

found in the depths

that makes us brave

in ways that can only

be ours.

Ordinary people being

ordinary brave

in ordinary ways

with one eye

on the end of

our days.

                                                  445  02-05-2025

I am happy with my choice and send it off, its a Zoom Stanza this month. There are odd jobs that I do and then its time to take my ailing laptop to the clever people at Curry’s. My partner drives me and I present my laptop to a quiet Australian guy and explain what is happening with it. He tells me what the options are and I go for a complete wipe and re-instillation of the system. Its going to cost me £45 pounds and if it does not work I will get another refurbished one as any further work on the laptop means it has to go away, cost another £50 just to be looked at and then the cost of putting it right, which is very likely to be more than I paid for it.

With my laptop cozy in a repair box I head for boots to by some medicinal cream. They did not have what I was looking for but a possible substitute, how the shop assistant behaved like a medical expert who kept trying to get me to tell her what I wanted it for despite my clear statement that my doctor had prescribed if for me. Nosey cow, a bloody shop assistant expecting me to tell her my medical need and potion usage. In the end I left with my cream and her telling me to read the enclosed leaflet. I get pissed off on two counts, one I have a right to my privacy and secondly I object to being patronised because I’m perceived as older.

My partner and I move onto the gym for, in my case ,a fruit tea and a cookie. I settle in and start to do some life admin. I chase up an application by ring the office only to get a message that the office was now closed and opens Monday to Friday 9am to 5pm, I was ringing at 3:13 pm, so someone was wagging it. My partner reappears with her hair cut and we return home. More life admin, another nonsensical letter from HMRC. So a couple of emails need to be sent. Finally there is time to start to draft todays blog. The evening slides towards me as does the second semifinal of Eurovision Song contest. My money is still on Albania. So I am going to have a glass of red wine and put my feet up and be entertained until its time to take my meds and get off to bed. Tomorrow is all about getting ready for the poetry stanza, so there are lots of new poems to read.