Today was a wake up late day, a go and make a cup of tea and go back to bed day. After such a lovely evening out with our friends the night before and a very good meal it seemed a suitable Sunday morning lay in. We had finalised our civil partnership ceremony with our friend who is going to be the conducting registrar during the meal so we were pleased to have go things clear, which meant we could finish our organising. All of which I did until my partner got up to make breakfast and found a message to ring a friend. She came back and just said “Brian is dead, died of kidney failure last Thursday”.

Brian has been coming to do things in our garden for about twenty years. Much of how the garden looks is down to Brian. This spring will be full of daffodils, crocuses, tulips and snowdrops that Brian has planted over the years. He was part of the family having known our daughters since they were young girls who he always remembered and asked about. Every Christmas we made him a full size Christmas cake, which we coupled with a bottle of his favourite Jack Daniels. In fact the last time we saw him was just before Christmas when he dropped our Christmas card in. My partner gave him a lift home with this year’s cake and bottle. That was it. Although he had recently had a cold which he complained he had had trouble moving, there was no indication that he was about to be so severely ill and ultimately die. It is always a surprise when someone who has been in your life suddenly dies and leaves a gap. Brian was a vegetarian, an animal, lover as witnessed by Rupert his dog, the cat and his birds, and he earned his living gardening. A fit and positive life style that I thought would take him far beyond me. He was my age but someone I thought would out live me. It just goes to show how fickle and arbitrary life can be. I find myself wanting to go to the funeral, not a usual response for me, but I do not think I want to be in a state of “Brian not there” and that’s it.

Needless to say breakfast was a quiet affair. We tidied up and got ready to go to the gym. It was the gym or going to watch Leicester Tigers play Cardiff Blues in a cup match. Given where I am I will always chose to be active rather than to be a passive watcher. It feels my current situation demands it, although thinking of Brian his healthy life style appears not to have helped him. We go to the gym and work out. I cannot get a cross trainer so I settle for a bike and pedal away for over an hour to get my 600 calories burnt and to collect the 10, 000 step reinforcement. We return home to get dinner ready and for me to blog. I’m not feeling “bloggy” I have to admit and suspect I might end up watching TV tonight rather than settling down with a book. I think my partner and I feel surrounded by death at the moment as she is going to her aunt’s funeral tomorrow with her mother. So something mindless is probably the order of the day this evening.