Sunday another crap night. I wake to an aspect of illness.

I take my vitals and find my temperature is good as is my sats, but my heart rate is way up and so is my blood pressure. I self sooth by reminding myself that I have it in black and white that my heart is healthy, so I assume that it is just working hard to fight off the lerg that is attacking my throat. So starts the day. I find that my normal drugs wallet is empty so I set about filling one up for the coming week and once done I take my morning meds. I cannot be deflected from my major fight and all the things I do to fight off my cancer has to stay in place. The perception is that I have hideous sore throat but that this will pass, the rest will not. I’ve not been able to train for a lot of days now and I am feeling it but there is no chance of training at the moment.

The TV schedule is not looking good, there is only one rugby match to watch in the afternoon. So I nap eat yoghurt and honey and sip Lucozade, however I can only do that for so long. I cannot concentrate for long to read so I start to draft poems to keep me going, I manage two.

422
Christmas: ailment upon ill
as my throat closes
my voice deserts me.
Everything lounges
like Magritte objects,
heavy, unwieldy,
every sound an irritant
as my ears
come out in sympathy 
with streaming eyes
and the barbed wire
lodged in my gullet.
Isolated for love
in the back room,
a temporary leper
in a private Spinalonga,
all my props 
a galaxy away
and no sign of a relief mission.
Lozenge after lozenge
is sucked to death
as I will wellness
to return.
Just when I thought 
I was doing well
the hand of fate
has me throttled.

                                                      422 29-12-2024

423

I could die in this room
and no one would notice
at least not until I stopped
visiting the bathroom.

For love and concern
I do this solo, to preserve
my family, and to contain
the contamination. 

My vitals are all over the place,
blood pressure up, heart pounding
but no temperature. 
I cling to my consultants letter.

I have a healthy heart 
but right now its working hard
and I try to help
by eating yoghurt and honey.

I would love to read 
but I cannot focus,
there is a poetry mountain 
waiting to be scaled.

New collections from far off
by people who are extraordinary.
It appears the normal 
are far more complex.

My world is staccato
and jumps from one
salve to another
hopping for relief.

It is the not eating 
that worries me,
the longer I leave it 
the worse it will be.

I only write this in bursts
to jog my brain  to move
and once again I return 
to memories that make me smile.

A line of poetry that hits me
dead centre, of seeing a
kitten fart for the first time 
and jumping round to find the sound.

Inane lines from TV shows,
When a dog handler is asked
"can you drive  a furniture van"
The response: "I've never had a dog that big".

And so it goes 
as I wait 
for nature 
to get on with it.

                                                             423  29-12-2024

At last the rugby is on and I settle down to watch it on my laptop while the rest of the household get on with life, which includes a Christmas jigsaw. As evening comes around I decide to brave the offered Shepherds pie and then I will find something to stream before downing my night meds and trying to sleep. I think I detect signs of recovery but tonight shall down some paracetamol in the hope of sleep.