CHEMO II DAYS 193 (XMAS) & 194 (BOXING DAY)

Rocket still in Christmas mode, quietly fighting.

Monday and its Christmas day. Its a day of wrapping paper, surprises and indulgence. Having a baby in the house for his first Christmas is a delight and means everything gets done slower and in phases as he needs food and naps. So it is a lazy start and a late Christmas dinner as we open presents over the day. Here are some of the moments:

I play Santa

We dine heartedly and of course play the detective game that came with the crackers. I strange mixture of party games and detective skills. Only one of us got the perpetrator right, not me, so my forensic skills are lost and gone for ever. One up side was the 0% spiced rum I was given that meant I could drink rum and coke to my hearts delight with no fear for my kidneys. Given that the economy is harsh at the moment and the family all thought they had been frugal by the end of the day we all seemed to have piles of new goodies. Of course the baby grandson had most which meant that we adults had lots of new things to play with.

Christmas evening we nibbled and watched a film and then some TV. I do no t know how it happened but we manged to end up watching the Christmas edition of Eastenders between films. What a bizarre experience, six of the leading female roles end up murdering two men in quick succession in the pub after a wedding jilting and a failed lesbian elopement. Is this meant to inspire strength and solidarity in the sorority or is it an ironic warning to men to watch themselves. Of course I’m unaware of the back story not being an avid watcher but it seems strange fare for Christmas night viewing. It seems a desperate throw of the dice for Christmas ratings. It was a relief to end the evening with a couple of episodes of the Mandelorian. It almost seemed more plausible than Eastenders. So with baby Yoda being safely escorted by a bounty hunter across the universe I take my night meds, sort out the dishwasher and go to bed still wearing my Barbie T shirt and 67’s ice hockey jersey.

Boxing day, Tuesday, and my partner brings me a coffee to wake me and fairly soon I can hear my newest grandson having a bath with his mum. I get up and join the family for breakfast where we half plan and half chat. There is time to put more of the young boys toys together and introduce him to things he can kick, tug and grasp. All of them seem to be a hit with him. By lunch time its time for me to clear the kitchen and to put our special china service away, before I start to make the evening curry. No prizes for guessing what it is, yep turkey curry. I chop and prepare the ingredients and load the crockpot before stripping the turkey carcass of meat and add it to the pot. Finally I add the magic curry mixture, close the lid and set the control so that we can eat about six o’clock this evening. My efforts have tired me, its clearly one of my days with few spoons so I take myself off to take my vitals and to get Alexa to play me meditation sounds. I spend quite a lot of time letting myself relaxing before I get up again to find my youngest daughter and partner have taken my new grandson out for a walk. My first thought is an alcohol less rum and coke and a catch up on the blog. Of course there have been a lot of Christmas messages to send and to respond to. People have all been generous and kind this Christmas and I am more appreciative than ever that this has been the case.

As evening approaches mysteriously poppadum’s and nans appear so the local co-op must be open and someone must have slipped out to get them. I hope my curry lives up to them. I’ve no idea how we will entertain ourselves tonight, although we tend to be a family of game players, one of our favourites being Perudo, and old dice game where you have to predict the number of numbers thrown. Along the way you lose dice if you get it wrong, last person left with dices is the winner. Its an old game, having been played for centuries. Other of of our games are more modern board games. I suspect we will get to television at some point for Murder in Paradise, after that its anyone’s guess. Of course there are still chores to do, so the bins get put out and the kitchen cleared. By the time I’ve eaten I need to rest but find the Royal Institute Lecture on AI, The Truth About AI.

In the midst of this I am conscious of managing my own disease, the hot flushes, my drops in temperature, my fluctuations in appetite and my increasingly unpredictable gut. I try to hold onto my routines and my external “skeleton” of rituals to keep things under control, but mainly its about being able to rest and manage the fatigue. I seem to have sudden losses of energy (spoonlessness) and more recently bouts of anxiety that I exhibit as holding a lot of tension in my body, especially my jaw, neck, shoulders and back. I need to get back to the rowing machine, I must make the effort for my own sake. The garage is cold, perhaps the best step is to get back to the gym, do less but in the warm. This all seems strange stuff for Boxing Day but I think it is part of the incessant nature of the disease and how it invades my thinking as well as my body. It seems it and I cannot leave each other alone.

The clocks by which I know my time.