Sunday and it’s weigh in day. I’m expecting to be gross (over 98 kilos) but it turns out I am just fat as I weigh in at 97.0 kilos, a loss over the last week of 1.3 kilos. So the day starts well. Its a lazy start for me with a croissant breakfast, decaf coffee and morning meds as I watch the Sweden v USA knockout game at the women’s world cup. It is the first game to go to penalties and against the run of play Sweden go through. I tidy up my little end of the sofa kingdom, partner goes to the gym and I start to draft the blog, or as friend pointed out the other day I “drat the blog”. Freudian slip, dyslexic moment or simple typo, I guess I’ll never know. Mostly I am avoiding training as I am anxious about doing any activity that will start me pissing blood again but I know that to keep myself fit and avoid the side effects of the chemo drugs I will have to do something soon. My fitness app is telling me clearly I am not up to scratch and my fitness age is rising. So while my PSA is reducing well, my vitals are normal and I am still functioning cognitively well it is difficult to know what is for the best. So far I have erred on the side of caution, stayed in, not exerted myself and rested as much as possible (thank god for women’s football, rugby, and the start of the men’s football season). I’ve lost confidence in my body, which has always, against the odds at times, healed or survived long enough to adapt and rebuild. So this is a tricky time. Its been ten days since I trained and I am getting twitchy. Today I shall not train but feed the squirrels, watch more football, men’s this time, and read, after all it is Sunday a day rest. I tell myself that this is being kind to myself but come Monday and the start of a new week I will need step back into the arena and take the risk of training again. Obviously gently to start with, after all I am not a moron or a psychopath.

My day is filled with football, food and before I find myself in the evening when reading fills the space. I take my night meds and retreat to bed.