Monday and I pull myself to the surface where I hear voices at work. I breakfast and then begin a stream of life admin. I book a dentist appointment and then spend time trying to book into to see my GP. I explain its not urgent and I can wait a couple of days but regardless of that I have to ring in the following morning to fight for an appointment on the day, because todays appointments are full. Its a special kind of madness I think. There is an email from my solicitor regarding my sisters estate and I make a couple of calls and finally get some business sorted. It seems to take for ever. I find time to read some more David Sedaris and get to lunch time. I can feel myself getting drained. Lunch is with my partner on the patio after which I refill the bird feeders and the squirrel box. In a last throw of the spoons I plant out the rest of the plants into the back garden pots. My reward is my first tomatoes of the year!

I know that Tesco is going to deliver so I move my car and then read for a while. It takes it toll so I update my vitals excel spread sheet and check my average blood pressure so far on this fourth cycle of Chemo. The post delivers a letter to me from a friend in her catachrestic green ink. I settle down and read it slowly. I never get over the power of a letters, there is just nothing like like the joy and pleasure of having something written for you, it a special kind of sharing. I nap for a while and the Tesco deliver. There is the usual unpacking and squirreling and then I return to the sofa to read.

I slide into the evening to eat tea with my partner before she goes out to a village meeting that is forming a new community choir. I watch a film and the when my partner returns we watch the final episode of a series about Irelands trafficked children. Night meds and bed. Today has been a day of small bursts of activity and then rests. I never got to train, each time I thought about it I got overwhelmed. I know its part of the meds side effects but I ‘m struggling to overcome my anxieties about both the effects of exercising and my cancer. Tomorrow is another day to give it a go.