CYCLE 5 DAY 1

It’s been a very busy day. As you can see from the heading picture tooth brush cycle 4 went into retirement and joined the cancer cycle club. There they wait for completion by cycles five and six at which point I hope to turn them into some sort of art work or even jewellery. The day started with a quick breakfast and a block dose of steroids, always good to get one going for the day. We left very early to get to my 11:15 poisoning session, two hours early in fact, which turned out to be just enough. We arrived at the car park barrier with two minutes to spare.

Thankfully by the time we reached the ward and collected drinks and substance on the way I was called almost immediately and told to pick my bay. Result, I get to choose a proper recliner and number 7 at that. Perhaps the oncologist, “he who made a pact with the devil”, hasn’t read my blog, or at least the bit I called him a twat and then regretted it as I thought I might never get a recliner again. The usual checks, name date of birth, allergies, have I had my steroids? No problems there, so I get my cannula put in and first time as well. I just think I am more relaxed about it now and that must help the process. So my bag is up and the driver on. My partner goes off to look for coffee and I eat biscuits, drink coke and read more of the Existential Cafe. I occasionally pause to fan myself with my man fan as the initial poisoning always brings on a hot flush. I am getting used to being watched when I do this now. I have to say its men who stare the most. I have no idea what they are thinking and to be honest I do not give a toss, I’m looking after me the best way I know how. The book I am reading has really got me hooked and I am making mental notes to read some of the books mentioned in it, particularly Simone de Beauvoir’s The Second Sex. Having read Virginia Wolfe’s A Room of Ones Own written in 1928 some 21 years before Beauvoir’s book was published I am intrigued to see the ideas coming together and being developed through and existential view point. With such good stiff to read the hour flew by and we were soon scuttling out of the chemo suite with my next month’s supply of drugs and stab sticks stowed safely away.

We headed for town and the Cosy Club for lunch but got side tracked to the bank so that my partner could pay some cheques in. Whilst there we decided to see if it was possible to re instate an old joint account that had been sitting dormant with about one pound fifty pence in it. We had to wait a bit to see someone as a woman had collapsed in the bank and was waiting for an ambulance. By the time we got to see our bank person, said lady was sitting up, drinking water and engaged in vigorous and meaningful conversation with the bank staff. To our surprise all we needed was to produce our drivers licences and answer some questions, to which we knew the answers. So the deed was done and we are expecting new cards for the account to arrive early in December. This is to be our joint domestic account out of which the house bills will get paid each month. The idea is that if I fall off the perch unexpectedly the domestic bills will be paid and there will be no difficult sorting out as part of the estate, my partner will just convert the account with the same direct debits. Just another bit of life admin attended to. I will have the fun of changing all the current direct debits with the suppliers but that will all happen in good time, in fact quite quick good time. So off to Cosy Club for lunch without my phone as in the rush to get out I had left in the office at home.

Home and we settle into work mode, which means I suddenly start to book a venue for our civil partnership arrangements, and an appointment to give notice our intentions. It is the tentative arrangements to ensure the civil partnership is in place as soon as possible in 2020 when the regulations can be enacted. This will provide the final safeguards for my partner, who for example as my legal next of kin can organise my funeral, rather than it being left to my daughters to do. All we have to do now is to agree the form of the ceremony with the registrar, who we are hoping will be a friend of ours. Our plan is to do what we need to do in terms of the law and then when the weather is better to throw a thrash in the sunny months for everyone. We shall see how this all works out but we should know once we have meet with the registrar to give notice and to have our documents checked to ensure we are legal to do this. I expect we will be some of the first male and female partnerships to take up our civil right to do this.

 After such a frenzy if administration efficiency it was time for the gym. Rather than risk cold showers again we went pre gym attired and went straight to the gym floor, my partner to see her personal trainer and me to the cross trainer. I strode away for an hour burning off 770 calories and downing another 750ml of water. In these early days of the poisoning cycle I am supposed to get two and a half litres of water down me. This I find hard and explains why I am sipping my way through 330 mls of non alcoholic beer as I write this. I weighed myself this morning proudly naked post morning shower. 97.6 kilos of steroids and hormone induced flab. Steroids boost appetite, which I all too often satisfy with sweet stuff, which just encourages the flab monsters to build new layers round my middle. My belt tells me daily of the impeding doom of my current waste size and belt to accommodate it. So new rules for Roland: no sweets, no puddings and no buns/cakes and biscuits. The alcohol has already gone. I am determined not to turn into a fat old man mouthing the words “its my hormones and steroids, it’s not my fault”. Well yes it is. I’m responsible for what goes in my mouth and what exercise I take. If I can get my PSA down then I can get my weight down. First goal is 92 Kilos. So just 5.6 kilos to lose by the end of cycle 6, which is Monday 6^th of January 2020.

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 Home to soup still in my track suit and travel home gear. I watch football and then begin the blog. I wait to see how my night goes and how this cycle turns out and if it lives up to expectations off adding to the cumulative process of being poisoned.