CYCLE 3 DAY 11

Today was one of those days that give me direction. I was awake and ready to go this morning as I was visiting one of my services for Enabling Environments. A day of ordinary work, doing ordinary things like travel and talking to people about what they do on an everyday basis. Apart from the initial drugs to take the rest was pure work without a hint of chemo or cancer to interfere. That old routine of getting up, getting dressed and getting in the car to drive to a place of work leaves no time to ruminate or reflect upon each and every twinge, twitch or tick the body might produce. No it is time to focus and to get on with stuff. So I arrive at an Approved Premises, not a million miles from home, and I am soon siting with staff from two services and working on the details of how to put together evidence in a portfolio to achieve the enabling environment award. These are people who work day in and day out with men who are deemed to be of such risk that they need to be supported to live back in the community at the end of their prison sentences. The staff teams of these services rely on their ability to forge relationships with people for whom relationships are very often an immense challenge. Some of the men carry the consequences of a life that contains abuse, trauma and chaos and whose experience of there fellow humans has been damaging and painful. It is the ability of the staff teams in these services to understand this for each man and to build a workable relationship that is so pivotal to their work. Enabling Environments is a framework that supports this work and provides a way for staff teams and the residents to work together to make the living experience for everyone as positive, adaptive and safe as possible. So spending time with the teams exploring what they do and how they do it is always a highly rewarding experience. My role is to help teams put together the evidence of how they do their work and how they can go exploring new ways to improve the services they offer. So the morning was stimulating and productive. It felt like things moved forward and that people were clearer about how they were going about the task of showing the way their service is developing.

We did break at one point for coffee an I found myself in a conversation with someone who asked point blank how I am and whether my chemo was going okay. I was happy to chat about this but was intrigued to know how this person knew. I could not remember every telling this person about my condition, but I might have done at some point, so I just had the conversation. I suspect that some of the people I have told have shared it with others. I have always just assumed that if I shared anything with anybody then others will know. It is how people are for the most part. People need to make sense of what they get told or get to know and for the majority of people that means talking about it or sharing it with others. I do not think there is anything malicious in this, it just is. I think we all have one or two people in our lives that we trust ourselves with more than anyone else and that we reserve for them the demons that we drag around with us. Anyway I had the conversation about my condition with this person with the thought in the background of who had shared this with her.

I return home via a garden centre to buy pies and cold meats. My late afternoon spent doing my nails and getting ready to go to the gym. Doing my nails was an issue. I hate it when I get a jagged nail that catches on everything. Always happens when there is no nail file, clippers or emery board to hand. So it was a real pleasure to be able to spend some time just putting things right. Although my finger tips are slightly numb as a result of the chemo it does not seem to have affected my nails, which I understand can be a chemo side affect. To date I seem to have avoided that particular one. So all freshly manicured I went to the gym and drank hot chocolate and did the crosswords. In the end my partner decided not to go to the gym, I went home. My evening was full of TV rugby and doing nothing apart from welcoming my youngest daughter home for the weekend. Always a delight.

Tomorrow England play New Zealand in the semi final of the rugby world cup, kick off 9am. It will be bacon sandwichs and coffee on the sofa,wraped in a fluffy dressing gown. Beyond that nothing else registers at the moment.

One last nagging thought. I saw the same TV cancer research advert tonight three times. Each time I saw it, it left me feeling uncomfortable. The guy gets told he has prostate cancer , he is upset and tearful. The response; the healthcare professional tells him it alright to shed a tear or two! Personally I’d have slapped her in the mouth! See for yourself. https://www.bing.com/videos/search?view=detail&mid=E72FE3BA047FB29D735BE72FE3BA047FB29D735B&shtp=GetUrl&shid=e895eaae-e45a-4534-b985-5b0b40a554a3&shtk=VGhhbmtzIHRvIHJlc2VhcmNoLCB0aGlzIGlzIERhdmlkIHJpZ2h0IG5vdyB8IENhbmNlciBSZXNlYXJjaCBVSyAoMjAxOSk%3D&shdk=SW4gMjAxOCwgd2UgZmlsbWVkIERhdmlkIGdldHRpbmcgaGlzIGRpYWdub3NpcyBmb3IgcHJvc3RhdGUgY2FuY2VyLiBSZXNlYXJjaCBpcyBzYXZpbmcgbGl2ZXMgcmlnaHQgbm93IOKAkyBkb25hdGUgdG8gaGVscCBtb3JlIHBlb3BsZSBzdXJ2aXZlOiBodHRwczovL3d3dy5jYW5jZXJyZXNlYXJjaHVrLm9yZy9nZXQtLi4uIEZvciBlbW90aW9uYWwgYW5kIHByYWN0aWNhbCBzdXBwb3J0IHdpdGggcHJvc3RhdGUgY2FuY2VyLCBwbGVhc2UgdmlzaXQ6IGh0dHBzOi8vd3d3LmNhbmNlcnJlc2VhcmNodWsub3JnL2Fib3UuLi4%3D&shhk=M4OlsKMFw4I5KOO8zLQTKMz6GMUwpDSwwWGrIkRxM9c%3D&form=VDSHOT&shth=OSH.Gw67fCoIjERREjd9VE962A

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