CYCLE 3 DAY 10
I’ve just watched the Bill Turnbull TV programme of him discussing his advanced prostate cancer.https://www.channel4.com/programmes/bill-turnbull-staying-alive/on-demand/68406-001 It was for him a tear filled experience. He is pursuing as many different avenues as possible to deal with his cancer, however the programme ended with the reality that his PSA is now increasing and increasing at a quickening rate. My partner asked if I was okay to watch it, which was kind but not necessary, I find myself untouched by others situations at the moment. It’s not that I do not care, it is the fact that it is all too familiar, its what I am doing in my own way now. It is those around me who are probably experiencing more distress than I am at the moment. Perversely I found myself comparing my memory of my bone scan against Bill’s and thinking mine looked healthy compared to his. The sad bit is that he is about ten years younger than me. One thing that he did say was that he experienced the chemo therapy as having a progressively worsening effect on him over the nine cycles he had. So my hunch that my gym sessions requiring more effort from me might be a result of the accumulative action of the poison, maybe true. When he talked to his journalist colleagues who had also had cancer they all said the same thing, that work provided a framework in which they could maintain a sense of control. That is true for me. To go on being able to make a contribution helps me maintain a sense of psychological agency. His conclusion was that no matter how long he had the most important thing for him was being loved and the support that gave him. Loved and alive, who could ask for more.
https://www.channel4.com/programmes/bill-turnbull-staying-alive/on-demand/68406-001
As for the rest of my day, it was unremarkable, apart from puting a solar pump into the pond, making a pie and watching football. I also prepared for my visit to an Aproved Premises tomorrow. An ordinary day, doing ordinary things, feeling okay and okay is good.
