CYCLE 2 DAY 5

I wake early and know that the fish are in distress having turned the pumps off last night. My fish tank with its modest community of guppies had stopped filtering last night but I was too tired to deal with it there and then, hence my early rise. So while the rugby world cup played out on the TV I syphoned fish tank water, scraped algae, washed filter blocks and cleaned glass, finally topping up the water and setting the filter pumps going again. For this time the fish live in a murky temporary world until the system works its magic and the water clears to reveal them in their splendid colours. The crisis avoided I settle down to watch more rugby and to have breakfast.

Food is becoming an issue because of the metallic taste the chemo is leaving in my mouth. Apparently its an often reported side effect. Its not distressing but a constant presence, that becomes irritating after a while. I find myself trying to find things that will take the taste away but it is always short lived. I get odd cravings for things like beer with its sharp tangy taste or sherbet, or curry. The danger is that I just eat to keep my mouth busy and distracted from the metal taste. I’m sure it will pass but in the meantime it is just one of the niggly things that I need to put up with.

Of course at some point in the morning I take time out to stab my self. Only two to go in this cycle now, so it will be over by Monday. This self injecting just does not sit well with me, I know I’ve said it before but I have a real aversion to it. Anyway once it is done and out of the way I can get on with my day. Apart from watching rugby I do little until my partner and I go to the garden centre to buy cold meat, pies and fruit. Like very many modern garden centres these days our local one sells very little to do with gardening and practically anything else that they can make money on. Particularly handy today as we wanted to replace our split and bacteria ridden wooden chopping boards for some modern dishwasher durable ones.

There are days when I nap. Apparently I napped during the word athletics in the afternoon, which I became aware of when my partner welcomed me back and asked me if I knew I’d gone. Coffee and more athletics saw me through the afternoon. In essence I’ve done nothing today apart from fish maintenance, food shop , and watch sport on TV. I always feel uncomfortable when I realise that this is the sort of day I’ve had and wonder if it is the chemo that has induced it or whether I’m just lazy at times. I have all sorts of conversations with myself about listening to my body, being kind to myself, being sensible, and managing my condition sensibly but I am never quite sure what the answer is. I write a plan for the next day and tell myself that tomorrow will be different. If I do my list it usually is.

Tonight I shall take myself to bed early in order to read, my plan for tomorrow is some rugby followed by going to the gym to exercise. I have a belief that if I exercise regularly and hard it helps drive the chemo process out of me and gets me to recover more quickly. All I know is that I feel better for having made the effort. But my main aim now is to sleep, and get a good sleep rating from my Fitbit in the morning.

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