Cycle 2 Day 2

Today was one of those “I wonder if I am going to be okay” days. Because okay is good. I guess I become a touch hypervigilant with regard to my functioning and subjective physical well being. Keeping busy seems to help and doing the ordinary helps. The doing the everyday kicked in quick today when I realised that the waste bin had not been put out for collection so out I padded in dressing gown and slippers to do the deed and return to prepare for the day. I decided to have a village cafe breakfast to stock up on calories for the day. In my weight watching days I calculated that this particular breakfast is worth 1474 calories, not a bad start to the day. More when I buy charity sweets, today it is American hardgums. Having completed the Mails crossword (quick of course) and the Picturewits puzzle I head for home and a pile of life admin.

I am of to a meeting in London tomorrow so there was train tickets to buy from the new train operator for the region. That means a new account to open, a new phone app to down load and the tickets to run off. I am conscious that this will be my first trip to London on chemo, which should not be an issue but that niggling doubt is worming its way around my head from time to time. However in line with my “business and life as usual” decision I will just get on with it. Getting on with it will include getting up a bit earlier in order to use my first stab stick of the cycle, a process I hate. I’m not sure I am looking forward to doing this in the early morning in a bleary eyed state. However I’m not short of fat to stab myself in, but I still baulk at stabbing myself. The bottom line is that if it helps reduce my PSA (Prostate Specific Antigen) level then that’s fine.

I spend time down loading documents from my colleagues at the Enabling Environment project at the Royasl College of Psychiatrists and adding notes. I’m trying to catch up with work I should have done before but some how its got pushed to the back burner. That has to stop and fits my new found resolution to get on with things as usual. All that is required is an act of will. That’s what we humans are good at when we apply ourselves. Of course I check my e mails from the RCP and find that I had said I would get the presents for one of the colleagues who is moving on. Several scrabbled e- mails and WhatsApps later and I am on my way into town to go book shopping. My daughter alongside me going to her gym to train. I long journey as a road has been closed, so we crawl into town. Thankfully Waterstones stays open till 6:30pm. I head straight for the cookery section as we have agreed the present is to be vegan cookery books. I’m in luck there are loads so it should be straight forward and it is, who can restist the book calling itself “the vegan bible”. Job done or is it? I notice on a nearby table an author signed copy of a vegan and vegitarian cook book from asia and china. Life’s too short to waste time trying to decide, I make the executive decision that she’s getting both, along with a good luck card. Job really done, I pay and head for a coffee and a bun at the Costa on the way back to the car. I WhatsApp my colleagues and tell them the panic is over and all is sorted, and field the “where are you” messages and calls from family. I think they get worried if I am out and about without pre warning. The only thing that is going to get me is the odd hot flush, which is managable.

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So I get home and wrap the books and in doing so realise that these two books are both heavy hardbacks and I shall be carrying them to London. Nothing to be done about that now, just need to pick the right bag to take them knowing it will be that much lighter on the return journey. Dinner and I retreat to the office to write the blog early. There will be the difficult choice of travel clothes to make ready and to ensure my stab stick gear is laid out ready for me in the morning. So its an early night for me and up early for my London trip. I’m really looking forward to seeing my colleagues again and getting my work stuff organised and back on track. I’m also looking forward to seeing my favourite Tracey Emin.