CYCLE 6 DAY 11
It’s Friday and in this house, Boxing Day. Being Boxing Day everyone lazes and wanders about slightly over faced by sweets and newly acquired things which need to be found homes amidst all the other things. The only intrusion from the outside world is post and deliveries. My jacket for the civil partnership ceremony on the 24th arrives. I try it on in secret and then hang it up. It will be okay on the day. At least I think it will be providing I can put operation “Fatboy” into progress pretty quickly. In the atmosphere of relaxed lazing I retreat to a long warm bath enriched with one of my bath bombs. A combination of popping candy and golden glitter swirls around me and I read and WhatsApp. There comes a point at which the water cools to the point where getting out is the only option, for me that means I cannot avoid the scales. 100 Kilos!!!!!!!
I know that everyone mutters “it’s the steroids” but this is serious. I’m not a ripped rugby player (like I used to be) I’m a guy fighting for his life against cancer and this amount of extra weight needing to be dragged around is a big impediment. My first thought is to dump all the sugar based Christmas goodies I can lay my hands on and start living on water. Immediately the little voice of resentment pops up and starts with its, “ for fuck sake your entitled to have some fun and indulgence over Christmas and the new year”. What it hits is my tiredness at having to make the effort all the time, every time, for all time. Staying alive for what I ask myself. The Dark and Tricky parts of me start to churn and nudge the “what’s the point” internal conversations into action. I turn to my shelf by the computer, where I am typing this, and there is Raspberry, tongue out and reminding me that it’s down to me what I choose and to stay focussed and keep my direction.
So it’s about when I start whatever it is I am going to do to combat this weight crap. Of course I will change my diet and I will change my exercise routine, but when and to what I am not sure yet. I still feel quite poisoned this cycle, although I hope that things will start to get better, however there is no guarantee of this. My fixed points are New Years day, which is really an arbitrary point and still in my cycle, and the 7th of January the last day of this cycle after which I will stop taking steroids. Four days to the first of 2020 or 10 days to the 7th and steroid freedom, which am I most likely to use most effectively is the question. There are a number of things I can opt for; recording my food intake, which will reduce my intake by 12% ; going for more protein and less carbohydrates; cut out sweets; cut out buns/cakes/tarts; cut out carbonated drinks; eat more fruit; eat more plants; exercise more; remove a limb. The last option is even too radical for me. The trick for me is creating a space where I can build a routine and have long enough to embed it as a habit. That’s a twelve week project according to the research into habit formation. It also sets the timescale for what is realistic, so I need to be patient with myself until the end of March. So by the end of March my weight needs to be going down consistently. This allows for an initial period where my weight may fluctuate for a bit as I do not know how the lack of steroids will work out. It also gives sensible time for my body to begin to adjust to whatever I decide to do to it. Sorted, all I have to do now is carry out the plan starting…?
Well that’s almost sorted, so its time to read and prepare to go and see Cats with the family later on. Apparently according to the critics its crap and social media is not being kind with a lot of people claiming to have left the film before it ends.
Cats were good, but now time for drugs and sleep. Tomorrow we booked an early Sainsbury’s delivery slot so there will be no sleeping in.
