Going to the gym was a portal

There I was all pleased with myself for going to the gym and doing an hour and then my back decides to go into painful spasm. Sleep becomes a trial until I can find a paracetamol to ease the pain. So now I have a quaint combination of painful back and hot flushes. The discovery is obvious, gym and chemo do not mix the way I do them. Today has been a day of trying to make good the learning by resting and organising the tasks around me in the home.

So life is moment to moment now. It’s tasks interupted by twinges: organise the plumber, rest, write a letter, rest, get the Fitbit steps in, rest, clear the kitchen, load dishwasher, rest. Realise that I have an injection to do, raid the fridge for a stab stick and then prevaricate for a while till the injecetion has warmed up. Pinch and stab, apply plaster and rest. The day would not be complete without a visit to the shop to get a paper and to do the crossword over a bacon roll in the village cafe. Lots of Fitbit steps to be had doing this, and a bonus if there are letters to post. Finaly I cook the evening meal and wait for the working family members to return. I feel like a goldfish living in small descrete chunks, its all about now. Making reliable plans is becoming a rarity at the moment.

Anticipating the night

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I find myself getting anxious about the night and whether I will sleep. I thought I had cracked the hot flushes and found a way to deal with the interuption they create. The pains in my legs of two nights ago seemed to have subsided, but last nights back pain has thrown me, so I am planning preemptive paracetamol and a carefully rehearsed morning routine to get me up and out of the door. I’ve got commitments and I intend to fulfill them. I also have a a CT scan tomorrow evening to set my baseline. It’s going to be a long day, I just need to be kind to myself and take a steady pace.