
Wednesday was a busy day, I woke up knowing that I would need to train and that the garden would need to be put to bed for the winter. After taking my vitals and checking my social media I got up and make breakfast and take my morning medications. I am in my training kit but there some chores to do first. Eventually I get to the garage and set the rower for a 45 minute session, as it feels like all I can deal with. The session is a bit of a flog and in the end I get to my preferred standard.

After the session I have a shower but as I go to apply something smelly post shower I drop the top and then discover the state behind the bathroom cabinet under the sink, so I set to and clean it up, organising the contents as I go. Not a job I expected but once done was useful.

I head for the garden and put the garden furniture under cover for the winter. It is a sessional ritual that seems to get pushed back further in the year. So with all the furniture under cover I can relax for the year.

With the garden packaged I sit down and spend ages trying to find myself an “outfit” . None of the clothes that I have that I consider presentable fits me any more so I am looking for something I can look nice in. As my body has changed with the drugs that have been put into it I need bigger clothes so I need to find something flattering. After a long time trawling the internet I return to “some like it Holy”. I have some stuff from this company that no longer fits but I really like, so I am hoping a new outfit will be equally likeable. I order a set of Oxford bags and a matching V waistcoat and hope it arrives quickly for a night out on Saturday. Before I know it I am into the evening eating pie and chips before more European football, night meds and bed.
Thursday and I have slept deeply, my partner has left for the physio and aqua aerobics. I go through my morning rituals and eventually get up and cook breakfast and take my meds. Today is the day I refill my drugs dosettes for the next two weeks, so I spend time popping pills from packets into the the daily dispensers. A tedious job but one of the rituals that maintains my external scaffolding and sees me through the tasks of each day. I take the opportunity to spend a lot of time booking tickets for shows at the local theatre way into next spring. Its all part of a strategy of getting out and about and keeping my brain fed with new experiences. With at least five trips out booked I stop and go into the garden and finish off some garden tidying. When my partner returns we go out to the garden centre and after a quick drink load up a bag of bird seed and go home. Without stopping my partner and I walk to the village shop. I buy sultanas and apricots that have become my new sweets. Once home its crossword time until the evening meal and more European football but I get bored with it and it turns into a Rom Com night. I try to draft the blog for the two missing days but I get progressively more tired and having taken my night meds I go to bed about 1am tired and dissatisfied. I know that I am battling against the feeling of being in limbo as I do not know what my cancer is doing and the coming week is full of scans and tests before I go away for a weekend. My next oncology review draws ever closer and it feels that this one could change the direction that my treatment takes. That is what is in both the back and front of my mind at the moment, which appears to be making focusing on anything but mundane task the order of the day.


















