Sunday, weigh in day. Will I get a rest day? Will I get a treat today? I get up and get myself scales ready, you know what I mean. So I step onto the scales consciously trying not to cheat by hanging my heels off the edge. We all have done it at times, you know you have. So I step up and then it comes to the moment of looking down at the display and I give out a little “go me” and a fist pump.

91.6 Kilos

This means I have lost 10 kilos since last March and I am now, in old weight, 14stone 6 pounds. I am almost there. My secondary goal is 90 kilos at which point it will be time to add in the weight work to build some upper body muscle, strengthen the core and rip the gut. So a couple of weeks of discipline and hard work and I might get there. I’m hoping as the weather gets warmer I can up my general activity level. Of course as COVID dies out I will be able to roam further afield. The gym maybe.

I wildly celebrate my goal attainment with a full on bacon bagel for breakfast and fresh coffee. I like the idleness of my Sunday rest day and the meandering path through the day. Having said that, after breakfast (very late breakfast) my partner and I drive over to her mother’s house to do the regular loo flushing, heating check and this time the plant watering. No problems thankfully and we choose to drive back home through the Leicester forest.

An afternoon of face time call with my youngest daughter, whose birthday is not far off. Always good to talk to her and hear her experiences of working from home as she is working on Christmas goods for her company and that means sample boxes arriving from the worlds confectioners. Some stuff is run of the mill but I did like the look of the rainbow chocolate coins. As the call ends the international rugby starts and I watch it still unhappy that my beloved Brentford had just got stuffed by Barnsley two nil. The game was quite good but at the end of it I settled down to order some plants for the garden. It was a performance as I had trouble with the website not accepting my cards until I found I could use my Amazon account to pay it. Scary really how easy it is to spend money these days. So now I have plants due to arrive between now and the end of March and the beginnings of a vision for the garden in the summer and beyond. I also found a present for a friend of mine’s birthday which is coming up later this months. Of course I cannot reveal what it is as she reads my blog.

So an early evening blog writing as Alexa plays me jazz in the background. My partner does yoga, Alexa reminds me to do the Tesco order and to put the vegetables in the oven in fifteen minutes time. I feel like I ‘ve found a way to cheat memory loss, if only I could remember her name. Why a woman I ask myself, it feels stereotypic and wonder if I can choose a range of voices and gender identities. I shall ponder that after tea when I am in my bath bomb bath and between reading essays.

Sunday lazy Sunday, so nice without the TV background wall paper, just quite relaxing jazz in the background. I think that lockdown has taught me how easy it is to be overpowered by the visual media. It is almost as if watching together has somehow gained an ascendancy over listening together or reading together or anything together. This visual dominance is probably atavistic in evolutionary terms, but it does not reflect an inner world. Looking into oneself is not a visual thing, at least not a primary one, although I do have a symbolised vision of what constitutes me inside myself. The “looking into myself” is a much more complex and draws on all of my sense history and cognitive constructions. Perhaps the external visual world provides a relief from the internal and helps keep me physically safe to have my other world. I will ask my Pixies, they will know.

Saturday so up late and a cooked breakfast, but not before I have rung the gas service company and cancelled the plumber booked for Monday. Having sorted the frozen condenser outlet the boiler is working perfectly. I chat to gas services woman and find it is the sister of the woman I talked to on Thursday. We banter gently as I cancel the plumper and asked her to thank her sister for the good boiler advice she gave me.

So I do my ritual re-loading of of my weekly drugs wallet over breakfast and then set about the weeks recycling and bin emptying. Having sorted all this stuff I change into my training gear so that I can train at the first opportune moment between or after todays two international rugby matches. Two solid matches later I’m ready for the garage and the rower.

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This was a non joyous training session as it was very cold in the garage, not even my long track tights could keep the cold out.

So I emerge mildly sweaty to a fish finger tea and my latest toy; an echo dot thing that answers to the name of Alexa. So far it is keeping a shopping list, tells me what the weather is like and plays me Spotify. I’ve obviously got a lot to learn about my new chum. According to a friend his nephews and nieces think Alexa is hilarious because it will make fart noises. I’ve yet to try it. So with Alexa installed we watch a Tom Hanks film where he wanders the wild west reading newspapers to folk and acquires a young girl raised by Indians. An interesting film. Of course this is followed Match of the Day and the writing of the blog against the TV wallpaper of Gwyneth Paltrow and some Sliding Doors.

Tomorrow is weigh in day. So I am hoping for a rest day and the start of trying to work in a reading time each day. I shall enlist the help of Alexa to nag me and also I think she has audio book potential. I wonder if she plays banjo? I have to say I am not sure how my pixies are taking the introduction of an electronic entity, but if I know them they will be asking it to make farting or raspberry noises.

Friday and I over sleep till 10:30. It appears I am a confirmed night owl. I am at my best in the night and sleep best in the morning. I always feel I get the best sleep quality in the mornings. So I get up and find that the smoothies I ordered yesterday are already sitting in the porch. I unpack them and decide to try an Orange Energiser for breakfast. I had assumed that the main ingredient would be orange and I am a bit taken aback to realise how much carrot is in it. So I give it a go along with a black coffee. Its has a sting from the ginger and turmeric in it, not my favourite but it did not make me throw up. So I guess if I can keep it down its food.

I check emails and message colleagues and then head for the shed in my training gear. I settle down to write letters and spend a pleasant time at my desk. I decide to post my letters now rather than wait till after I have trained. So I strap on the trainers and jog to the post box and back. Yep you read that right, I jogged to the post box and back. I figured it was the only way I could get away with wearing a bright red camouflage track suit in public. I also learnt that jogging wearing cycling shorts is not the most comfortable clothes to wear jogging. Back to the shed and a training session on the bike. It went okay.

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Back in the house I start to clear the kitchen when my sister rings and we chat for a while about coping with COVID and having our jabs. Immediately after a friend rings me and we talk about work and holidays and the opportunities to get time to rest and recover from work demands. We talk about how not being drawn into commercial situations of making things for money and setting up a trading network is much more worthwhile and meaningful. After my calls I cook a pie for tea and while it finishes in the oven I retreat to the sofa and TV for a while. I change for tea and tuck into pie.

Its another evening of Death in Paradise and then the blog. I am getting increasingly irritated with myself for not reading so I intend to find myself a reading time each day. I’m not sure how I am going to do this yet but I have thought about enlisting the help of technology in the form of Alexa, apparently it can do reminders and also read audio books to you. For the cost of an echo dot it is worth a try I think. That can be my weekend project along with watching the international rugby.

DVT: NO MORE DVT DAYS

Its Thursday, a busy day so I am up and around quite early being careful not to invade my partners yoga space. I get to the kitchen and rustle up a bacon and coffee breakfast which I eat with my meds and my emails. I start to prepare for this mornings meeting and wait for the DVT clinic to ring me. I do not have long to wait. The consultant rings me at 9:20 and we have a five minute chat during which I tell him the vital statistics of my thighs and calfs. I reassure him that I am not bruising easily or profusely bleeding, and my kidneys are back in the normal range. The prophylactic dose of Apixaban, which he confirms is the best of its kind, is not producing any nasty side effects so there was no other sensible option other than to discharge me. I am duly discharged. After 440 days I am free of the DVT clinic. Go me. So as from today the DVT heading will disappear from the start of the blog. It is the icing on the cake of a good week. So all I have to focus on is my cancer, it simplifies my life and allows me to plan my future well being and lifestyle.

I go to my next work meeting and spend the best part of two hours discussing training issues and rationales along with other issues. It of course allowed my colleague Drew to tease me about how Scotland had beaten England in the Calcutta cup on Saturday. He even demonstrated how Alexa worked by asking it who won the Scotland v England match. Fun over it was time for a quick smoothie lunch, or so I thought. I was cold so went to switch the heating on. The boiler refused to relight and made a gurgling sound that I recognised as trouble. I tried several times and got no joy and it was getting colder in the house. I rang the company that had refurbished it and who provide plumbing services. I am told Monday is the earliest they can get to us, I plead a bit, the woman tries, we have a conversation and she asks if I have checked my outflow pipe as many of them are freezing in the current cold snap. I say I will try it and ring her back in due course thanking her for her suggestion. I’m late by two minutes for my Open Forum. Its a tough one. Tired people on the edge and being blamed by people in their organisation for perceived poor judgement. It feels like COVID is taking a toll across all levels of organisation functioning.

I finish my forum with a quick chat with my co host, we talk about the session, the paper that we are sending to be considered for a journal and out of the blue he asks me to be interviewed for a pod cast that he and a colleague are doing on people in the TC movement. I agree, so at some point I will be on the net somewhere.

No time to waste. I am out side with buckets of hot water trying to unfreeze my run off pipe from the boiler. The vertical stack just fills with water each time I plunge it with a piece of moulding and then pour water into it. The pipes are clearly blocked with frozen liquid. Bucket after bucket of hot water gets poured over the pipes with no joy. I add some windscreen washer liquid but to no avail. At last it begins to clear and there is a pleasing gurgling sound as the hot water drops down the pipes and does not back up. I add some antifreeze to the last lot of hot water that I pour down the pipes. Success. I go in doors and my partner makes me coffee and wonders if the pipes should be lagged. Of course I have lagging foam tubes in the garage and a foam cutter. With a roll of gaffer tape, a knife and foam tubes I head outside and begin to lag the pipes. The task is to get the job done before the temperature drops again. This needs to be done before I can turn my attention to the boiler itself. I press on and get it done.

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I return to the boiler and see if I can get the front cover off, I cannot but figure if I have cleared the blockage the boiler has a chance of firing up and clearing itself. I switch the system back on and set the boiler controls for the heart of the sun and behold it fires up minus the previous gurgling sound. I’m sitting here several hours later and the radiators are warm and the boiler working, so I guess the problem is solved. The key element is whether the lagging stops the pipes freezing tonight and the coming cold days.

I put everything away and have coffee. I notice an old colleague had tried to ring me so I return the call and have a chat with her. It’s time to make tea, Thursdays tuna pasta and to settle down to watch a cup match on TV while I sit and write the blog on my lap. I’ve not trained today but feel okay given the pipe problem that needed to be solved. Tomorrow I will make up for it.

DVT DAY 339

Its Wednesday and in theory a quiet day so I amble awake to get a breakfast smoothie and a coffee. I’m sitting on the sofa catching the morning news when to my surprise a delivery person wanders up my snowy path and waves at me. There is the now familiar plop of a parcel being left on the porch floor. I finish my smoothie, check my emails and saunter to the porch and get the surprise of the package being for me. I’m excited and wonder what it can be as I am not expecting anything this quickly. I am delighted to find it is my Arizona Coyotes retro celebration ice hockey jersey. Those of you who know me will be aware that I collect ice hockey jerseys and that my favourite team is the Coyotes. I watch them on their website when I can. I just love the speed, agility and brutality of the sport. Even more I love the jerseys. I grew to love them when I was blown up like a balloon with the steroids that accompanied my chemotherapy. I found how comfortable they were and how they hid my bloated body. Since then I have grown my collection. I really like my new addition.

What an excellent way to start the day. I tidied some papers and checked my diary. I then did the final edit on the paper that a colleague and I have been working on and sent it to him for agreement. By now it was time to attend my “Elders” meeting, to which I wore my new Coyote jersey. The meeting was constructive and I found it useful, it remains to be seen if the things we talked about become a reality, but I am hopeful as it appears we are about to have a media presence. As soon as the meeting is over I ring a friend who had tried to call me as she was delivering one of her hand made garments to a friend. It was good to catch up and compare the experiences of trying to keep organised and attend to our wellbeing. Lunch followed and the spectacle of our resident squirrel putting in an appearance. The poor thing could not at first raise the lid on the squirrel feeder due to it being iced up but he persevered and finally got it open. He spent some considerable time feasting on the nuts and grains supplied. It was good to se that he is surviving the cold spell and the snow we are having. At least today he could fill his belly.

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Time to train. So I change into my gear and head for the garage as today is going to be a rowing day. Its cold and I am not feeling like it today so its a struggle. Getting to the end of the session becomes the goal. I persevere and get to the end.

Post training its off to have a shower and wash my hair that’s in need of a refresh. Of course once out of the shower I am straight back into my new Coyote jersey. I decide to start the blog early and upload the pictures I am going to use and begin to draft it as I have some indoor athletics on in the background. My intention is to have a lazy evening and an early night as tomorrow I have meetings and an open forum to host. Most importantly the DVT clinic is ringing me for a check up in the morning and I am hoping that they will discharge me. I have my thigh and calf measurements all ready for them. If all goes to plan I will be able to draw a line under the DVT and lose it from the blog heading.

Stop Press: The mighty Brentford beat Reading 3-1 to go top of the Championship. Leicester beat Brighton with the last head of the ball to go into the quarter finals of the FA cup. Its a good night for once. The Bay gets irritating as the series gets dragged out. Definitely an early night.

DVT DAY 338

Its Tuesday and the day I expect the oncologist to ring. I am met by icicle palms as I get up for a bacon breakfast.

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I start to cook bacon for breakfast and get a message about a meeting I’m supposed to be in. I halt my bacon and log on for half an hour and feedback from the meeting I had attended yesterday. A brief but useful meeting but once over I rescued my bacon from the grill and had my coffee and drugs.

I tidy up some notes and get myself organised fro my oncologist call at noon. I clear the kitchen and before I know it “he who made a pact with the devil” rings me, almost an hour early. He tells me that my bloods are good and we chat about how the anticoagulants I take may affect my platelet count. He tells me that the tumours in my back have not grown and are the same size as they were after chemotherapy. There are no new ones. He also tells me that the cancer in my spine has not progressed. Its still as good as it can get. I ask about my recent reaction to the 28 day injections and he suggests that I take paracetamol; the day before, on the day and the day after. If that does not work then he suggested an over the counter antihistamine. I tell him I am passing blood in my urine after my cycling sessions, he asks questions and concludes that it is probably my knackered prostate responding. He says not to stop exercising but take it easier. I note that. He says that he will send me a bloods form and see me/ring me again in four months time. A result and I decide to re flag the blog as Phase ii. I am through the first year post chemo, now I move forward into my next year with new challenges. I remain on my tight rope but I feel I have my balance more secure, at least for now.

Of course at the end of the call I immediately message family and friends and tell them how the session went. Then its on with life. I get into my training gear and go to the shed. I sit and write letters before getting up on the bike and doing an hours session wondering if there will be blood in my urine. I take it easy.

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I finish my session and retreat to the house where I run a bath, and of course it has to be one with a bath bomb in it, I think I am becoming addicted to them.

I emerge from the bath room head to toe Calvin Klein One and also pleased that there is no blood in my urine after this session. That is a relief. Donning jeans and toucan T shirt I put the bin out for tomorrows collection and walk to the post box to send my letter. I return to find there is a building project for me to do, a flat pack toilet roll store. Rather than have scratty bags of toilet rolls sitting in the bathroom we have gone for a storage box. Ridiculously ease to put together with my new cordless drill/screwdriver. In no time at all the box is done, filled and in place. A great improvement.

I’m on a roll (excuse pun) so I head for the kitchen and cook my famous chicken and chorizo one pot for tea. While it bubbles away I retreat to the sofa and check my emails and work messages. The family stops work for the day and we eat tea before I settle down to watch tonight’s football match followed by Marcella. By the time I’v eaten popcorn and crisps I am ready to write the blog.

Its been good day, not often do I say that out loud. My cancer is still there, always will be but its no progressing. I like to think that the non drinking, non sugar and carbohydrate diet and exercise has something to do with it, but I have no real way of knowing but I cannot think of anything else that makes sense to do. At root I still have my dandelion time clock and my wish to spend my time with you. By way of celebration I allowed myself to buy the Arizona Coyotes Hockey Fights Cancer jersey.

DVT DAY 337

Monday and I sleep in unexpectedly after a night of deceptive dreams. By the time I have done breakfast and meds there is pre meeting preparation to be done and some research of a new client. So I am sat at my screens scrolling and noting for a couple of hours breaking off only to print some documents that are needed.

Lunch comes and goes and I feel less like training and decide that I am not going to. I ‘m going to rest , I’m going to have a rest and treat day. I get to my afternoon meeting for which I have dressed formally. Suit, tie, waist coat even the matching trousers. It was a strange but pleasing thing to do and challengened me to decide what to do with my hair. Ponytail.

So meeting gets done, an awful lot of organisation speak and people being important and intelligent. I scribble notes and listen till its time to make my one contribution. At the end of the meeting there is time for a quick business call before Tesco deliver.

An evening of dining, nibbling, grazing against the background of football and TV wall paper. I am deliberatley not thinking about tomorrows oncologist appointment but of course all this distraction shouts loud that part of me is very much thinking about it. So tomorrow morning I shall write my checklist of questions for the oncologist and then sit and wait for the call at noon, not that the time seems to be anything that the oncologist takes any notice of. I am hoping that by the end of the week I can re-banner the blog and lose the DVT heading. Tomorrow the wind blows, the question is, how hard.

DVT DAY 336

Sunday: Weigh in day, so without any ado:

92.2 Kilos

Cracked it! I’ve achieved my first goal of being 92 kilos before my oncologist appointment on Tuesday. So I have earned my treat this week which will be 5 segments of a chocolate orange with dinner tonight.

So as today is a rest day I the complete the painting touch up in the kitchen, watch rugby, order a celebatory retro ice hockey jersey and T shirt from the Arizona Coyotes, chat to my youngest daughter on face time and cook a pork chop one pot for dinner. That is a lazy, celebratory, non training day of rest and recreation.

Tonight I write the blog, tweek the Tesco order and prepare to watch the Super Bowl. I could get addicted to days like this but tomorrow its back to being an adult and trying to be a reasonable rational adult; tricky with my crew of pixies looking after the cogs, wheels and levers in my head.

Of course the week brings the results of my scans, another wrestle with my oncologist and the prospect of being signed off from the DVT clinic on Thursday. So quiet a lot to come together and it will need to be processed. You will hear it first here.

DVT DAY 335

Saturday and the first thought is to look at my blood results if they are in. I log on and sure enough there they are. I hate this moment as it can either be a time of reassurance or my worst nightmare. I always “batten down” and go through a ritual way of looking at them and then printing them out. Once that is done they get colour coded. I take a space to consider them and compare them to the last lot of results. Lastly I consider what questions they raise and will need to be answered by the oncologist. So here they are.

Once processed I take tea to my partner and share them. There is a brief conversation and the its time for me to get moving. I load up my weekly pill wallet and take todays meds with coffee.Today I need to train first thing in order to be able to watch the rugby later. I get into my training gear and set off to the shed and the waiting exercise bike. So I get on the bike without breakfast and give it my best shot for an hour. The result was a personal best.

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I head for the bath and soak for a while. Hunger drives me out and I go for a breakfast smoothie and loads of water as the bike always dehydrates me. I get ready to watch the rugby international on TV. I nibble more food, cheese sticks, cheeese, soup and an apple. I put my washing in the machine and will retrieve it at a suitable break in this afternoons rugby. The rugby is okay but a little souless without a crowd. Having watched France thrash Italy there was a brief break before England took on Scotland and ultimatley lost. There is only one way to recover from this and that is to order an Indian takeaway for the evening meal. It arrived a couple of minutes after the fianl whistle was blown.

After demolishing the meal we sat down to watch the DIG. A gentle film full of nuances. Time to write the blog while watching the football highlights. Tomorrow is weigh in day. This weigh in is the last before my oncology appointment. The goal was to be at 92 Kilos by my appointment time. I look forward to the possibility of a rest day and a celebration treat.

DVT DAY 334

Friday and it shoud be a day free of work and tasks but today is different. Today I have a blood test to give blood for and a one to one meeting with a colleague from work. So I am up and on my way out to the GP surgery early. Its the usual routine, arrive, ring reception to tell them I have arrived and then go and hang around at the back door. The nurse opens the door and ushers me into the clincial room where I slip out of my jacket and bare my arm for her to draw blood from my arm. These are the test results that I will get over the weekend prior to my oncology appointment on Tuesday. Blood safely in its sample vials I am escorted out of the back door.

Once home I have a bacon breakfast accompanied by coffee and drugs and settle down to review my to do list and emails. I find myself thinking about work and working out a timetable for the tasks in hand. Because of my afternoon commitments I work out I need to train in the morning while my partner and youngest daughter go for their daily walk. So I get into my training gear and head for the garage as this is a rowing day.

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A good session and indicates that I am getting fitter as I lose my excess weight. I end up in front of my laptop screeen for a meeeting still in my training gear clutching a 7UP. The meeting turns out to be an interesting one and by the end of it I have a new meeting to go to on Monday with a colleague. It’s an interesting piece of work but one I cannot talk about. I also come away with a new client to contact and to start working with. So I am going to be busy for a while to come.

I bounce from one meeting to another to talk about training in the future. This meeting is always a pleasure as it means I can catch up with an old friend. As we chat I am invited to provide a couple of presentations in the coming months. This is a pleasant surprise and will provide me with a good diversion as it will make me have some thinking time about what I want to say. One of them is far enough off for it to be planned to be live in a yurt with no WiFi, which opens up alsorts of possibilites like interpretive dance!

Meeting over I head for the long awaited bath. Bath bombed of course I recline and listen to meditation music and enjoy the feel of the warmth of the water around me. A friend phones and we chat about work and the relief of getting to the weekend and having time to relax. We also chat about the intricacies of pocket money, take aways and other critical issues that make life worthwhile.

Time to dine and then an evening of some TV and writing the blog in spurts. As ever on blood vampire days I shall stay up till midnight when the blood results are posted on the App that lets me see them. It maybe that the PSA score will be delayed as it was last time. Tomorrow is internatioal rugby, training and some light research of the new client and reading some briefing papers for Mondays meetings. Today has some real highlights in it. One was part of a conversation I had about the music I plan for my funereal but we got onto the celebration part of the day and pretty soon we got to the party bag contents. I am truly gripped by the idea of creating party bags to be given out at the end of my cremation ceremony. I realise this might feel a little insensitive but I think you have to find fun where you can these days.