DVT (Deep Vein Thrombosis) DAY 19

Today I have spent my day on the telephone and in front of a screen on ZOOM. I have a “to do” list now and some work to look forward to. But I am tired and it is difficult to be creative and inspired when fatigued. My partner has a sore throat but does not know if it due to spending all day on the phone or it is something more sinister. However given the current virus situation I shall sleep in the spare room tonight and see how she is in the coming days. My drugs for the next month have arrived. Even though I have a considerable time to go on my 1800 unit self injections I now have the following months worth of the 1500 unit injections. The future defines itself in my medication, my blood sample forms, those tell tale blood results and of course my next oncologist appointment. I try to find a routine but fail. I have keystones like my meds, going to the shed to write letters and the garden to tend, but I hate the dependency for food and the loss of my role as provider. I am fortunate, I know but I wonder how well I will fare as the days, weeks and months progress. I guess that a lot of people feel the same way. I have thoughts about being made a leper, being “shielded” for my own good and feelings of being infantized, but I found an app today that updates the incidence of the virus and the death toll in each country. I find it sobers my feelings and chills my judgement.

https://www.covidvisualizer.com/

Balance is the key, the danger is coming to like being a hermit more than swimming in the ocean.