Thursday and I wake to snow! Not what I was expecting but there it was.

I wake up still feeling ill and decidedly under the weather, enough for me to cancel two work meetings and retreat to bed for a little while longer. My partner brings me coffee and we both get ourselves up and functioning. I admit my functioning was much enhanced by a fried egg sandwich and more coffee. I check messages and emails and plan for getting better. The weather is bizarre, one moment the sun shines and snow disappears and the next moment it is squally snow storms.

I message chat some people including my youngest daughter and we agree a date for us to visit. Once this has been accomplished then the race for a hotel room is on. We know which hotel we want but they are always busy. I get the final available room for the dates we want and bag it. So we are sorted for another weekend away in April. In a spirit of joy I take my partner to check the hedgehog canteen. Our hedgehog has eaten everything that’s been left for it, and for the first time there are leafs in the feeding area. I am taken aback by the fact that all the food has gone, which was a fair amount and I wonder if our hog could be eating for two or more. The thought of urchins in the future is an enticing one. The dishes are refilled and the canteen put back in order. I will check the camera tomorrow when I top up the canteen for the weekend.

A friend calls and we are able to have a brief chat for the first time in a while, apart from dealing with long COVID there is a wife with COVID and children that have been ill. The juggling of everything is clearly demanding. My partner and I go food shopping at the garden centre, where we also find a birthday present for the family in Shri Lanka. Back home and I find myself tired so watch an episode of the Repair Shop. As the early evening draws on I watch the news and just find myself feeling less and less that I have or can have any control over what is going on and what affects me. That particular worm turns in my gut and I find myself increasingly angry and less tolerant of practically everything. I start to draft the blog and retreat to a warm bath bomb bath.

Tomorrow is the third anniversary of me being air ambulanced back from Jamaica when my kidneys collapsed and my prostate cancer first identified as a real possibility. Its been three hideous years of challenge, loss and trauma. Its also been three years of incredible support from family and friends. By the 19th June 2019 it was confirmed I have metastatic prostate cancer. My oncologist said he could give me an additional 18 months with chemo. The survival curves based on my Gleeson score was 8 months, so in all I had 26 months. So 33 months down from the confirmed diagnosis I’m ahead of the game. This is my time, every moment is a gift. My clock is still the dandelion clock, I still keep an eye on the wind and watch for the hurricane. In a world where I have nothing to lose and everything to gain I am more powerful than ever before, so never think I can’t handle it.