Monday and I go to York in the morning. I deliberately drive slowly, well under 70 mph all the way. The motorway is clear and I have a very relaxed run all the way to eh hotel in York where I am staying. The Holiday Inn is relatively basic but clean and predictably so, it is my usual haunt in York when I return. I am here to have conversations about moving forward in my intention to stop working and how I am managing my illness. These conversations are an extension of my days of clinical supervision. I used to think that clinical practice without supervision was the definition of negligence, now I think that life without reflection is hazardous. I find that I have overlooked some elements of managing my cancer or at least the inevitable outcome. I have things to write and to prepare.
For the first time I choose to order room service for my evening meal. I went with pizza as a safe option. Having scanned the QR code stuck on my mirror I sat and wondered if it would appear. It did indeed turn up in quick time and made my NCIS watching useful. I get an email asking if I am interested in supporting a team in Australia who are bidding to open a new prison with a therapeutic community. A surprise out of the blue, which of course interested me. So I will wait to see if the proposed Teams meeting gets organised. I put myself to bed with a head full of thoughts about all sorts of things but mainly how I had managed not to do more to create the poetry coyote since my first flush of energy in December. It was after all one of the major motivating factors alongside my cancer that made me decide to stop working soon. I need to get back on track, but I am concerned that I’ve got so side tracked.
Tuesday and I wake feeling my usual birdcage bottom self. These addition meds appears to up set my gut as well as making me tired. So I get myself to the restaurant and get some cereals and toast down me, plus coffee of course. Midmorning I go to see a friend for coffee and conversation. She is suffering from long COVID. It was good to chat to her and her wife about how things are and how the future looks. After lunch I return to the hotel to catch up on my messages and emails before starting to draft the blog. I’m spending time jotting notes and pulling things together at the moment. I’ve one eye on the clock as a bit later on I am having coffee in the lounge of the hotel with another ex colleague. Its a lazy day before I travel back tomorrow morning. I no longer rush around, I can no longer do it and no longer want to as I think being kind to myself needs to be the priority. I write a letter and then meet my friend for coffee before she goes of to have a meal with old colleagues. I retreat to the room and watch football on my laptop, drink coffee, take my meds and tuck myself in for the night. Tomorrow is back to Leicester and an attempt to reset the transition and of course the gym.
