Thursday and I wake to a morning meeting in 25 minutes. So its a coffee and straight in front of the laptop. The work meeting is with the team and we are briefed about the current updates. It looks like we might be able to begin to contemplate visiting services again. We agree a date to meet face to face for first time in two years. So in April there will be a trip to London. Strangely we end up talking about waking people up. It is a strange Kafkaesque world we live in sometimes. The meeting ends and I make myself a bacon bagel and open the parcel sent to me by my sister. It contains two beautiful books, one of poetry and one of evolutionary biology. They are hard back tomes in solid dust, they are truly classic books.

I now have a pile of at least seven books to read. It is an indication that my life balance is not right, there should be more reading time. I also get mail this morning and one of those is a letter from an old colleague and fellow member of a TC group that I belong to. It is a lovely thoughtful letter which I read and reread over a cup of coffee. At lunch time I walk with my partner round the village to buy a paper and nibbles. On the way back we meet one my nieces and a nephews wife with her delightful baby daughter. We chat as we walk and then say farewell to return home.

I attend to my washing and put it away before I pack my kit bag to go to the gym. I get to the gym and do an hour on a cross trainer. My hour burns off 706 calories and takes me 7.96 kilometres. I shower and drive home to a coffee and a scone. My partner and I eat dinner and I settle down to watch a football semi final while my partner does her singing practice. I am tired and indulge in chocolate, a sort of non drinkers getting pissed therapy. The football ends and I draft the blog.

Its been a tired day, a day where it feels like a flog. I am not sure whether today has just been one of those flat days that we all have or whether it is a consequences of the medication. Its 44 days since I started the new medication and I am still not sure if it is making me tired or if I am just sicker or older. I’m certainly older but I’m pretty sure that its not to blame for my bouts of tiredness and low motivation. Its been a demanding week and tomorrow I go for another scan. It just adds to the sense of being beleaguered that cancer and the consequential life style brings. I return over and over again to the fact that cancer does not take a day off, the consequences of this is that I cannot, so I keep finding ways to re-motivate myself, but its tiring and that’s how chocolate wins. My sweet tooth will probably be my down fall.