Today is about direction, as it is the penultimate day of chemotherapy cycle one, and the day before I see my oncologist again. The course that is plotted is for six cycles but each one has to be approved before I can embark on it. Tomorrow my oncologist will wave me on or defer me till I am poisonable again. As I have access to my blood test results I know with a good degree of certainty that he will wave me through, my touch of chemo mange being par for the course. My PSA is down to 3.6 which is a further drop, my kidneys are functioning normaly and my platelet count and hemoglobin levels are in the normal range. So I reckon I’m fit enough to go the next cycle.

It is also about direction in another sense today. One of my nephews visited today with his wife and four year old son. Having a small person in the house and in the garden full of energy and curioisity reminded me that there is a direction that is always moving forward, where the young are developing and learning about a world that is new to them but all too familiar to me. That impetus to explore and to grow, thrive and learn is a delight to witness and to dip into. Playing crabby crabs and buiding magnetic pictures was a great fun, as was zooming toy cars around the table top. It helps to keep things in perspective to experience the world of growing up and it is a timely reminder that its not all about me. I had a lovely time and he enjoyed the fact that we have a frog toilet seat in our downstairs toilet. We waved him good bye as he was due at a party later in the afternoon, all part of his busy social life and his parents Sunday.

In the background was the rugby world cup, England beating Samoa and various football matches but once we had waved our visitors off we headed for the gym. My own direction being to keep fit, push my weight down and make my body a place that cancer does not want to be and where the poison can work. It is illogical and does not stand up to much scrutiny but I act out of some strange belief that if my body is as fit as it can be then my chances of staying alive longer are better. Like a fish swimming north to fulfill its destiny because it is part of its being I keep heading in my direction. I’m interested to see what happens.

So tonight I cook, I do chemo admin for tomorrow and watch Peaky Blinders, I do after all have the Peaky Blinders cap to watch it in and cover my shedding head. Tomorrow I keep my direction.

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