Monday the first day of June and I wake up feeling decidedly shaky. I check my messages, emails and news feeds before I take my vitals. My vitals are more or less okay but my heart rate is still elevated. Having listened to Ten to the Top I finally get up and get breakfast hoping to be able to get into the garden but it becomes very obvious that I do not have the energy to do so. I eat breakfast and then spend time ruling up my daily journal. I listen to several radio comedy shows and try to relax. My partner finally returned from the gym. The next door neighbour calls in and tells us that the people we use to do our hedges is coming to do them on the first of July. It is an arrangement that we have our neighbours so that the hedges of the gardens get done together and means the team can work in both gardens at the same time. Its an arrangement that seems to work well over the summer.

I spend quite a lot of time thinking about what sort of cover design I want for the next poetry collection. I research some images and eventually decide that I like the idea of a café with a neon sign that says PSA. The obvious image that comes to mind is Hopwood’s Nighthawks. An amazing painting but captures the kind of surreal feel I like.

At lunchtime I go for the luxury of melon and ham in the hope that I will be able to taste something, however what I experienced was the chill of the melon. I start to draft the blog while listening to more radio shows. Of course the Paris open tennis is available alongside reading and writing, so my afternoon passes interrupted by the occasional unintentional nap. I poem sums up my day so far.

535
Shaky 
not a good way to start the day.
My head is at odds 
with my body,
so much to do 
and so little resource 
to be doing it with.
Its rest or collapse,
submit or crash.
So this is me being 
over optimistic,
feeling bad that 
I cannot contribute
beyond survival
tasks.
So I sit 
and wait 
feeling
guilt.

							535 01-06-2026

By the evening I eat tea and watch almost all the last episodes of Bay of Fires before taking my meds, finishing the blog and finally going to bed. I am hoping that tomorrow I begin to feel some relief from the chemo fatigue and at least a little less shaky.