Monday and its a grim wake up. Some days I wake up and know its going to be a tricky day. I immediately feel I have no energy. and know I will have to plan my day and spend my energy carefully. My partner brings me a hot water and goes out to meet a friend for a walk in a local park. I rest for a while and write a quick poem to try and capture the way I am.

508
I wake shaky
and uncertain,
its post chemo
and it makes me 
feel alone.
This is a battle
in isolation,
just me and my body
with my mind 
trying to referee.
Remaining calm 
as a world passes
is exhausting.
There is so much to loose
and the grip is tenuous.
I have a “to do“ list,
more like ambitions,
the failing hopes 
of survival
and one or two 
last hurray’s.

						508  23-03-2026
						

I get up eventually and put my washing and make breakfast. My meds get taken and then I settle down on the sofa to start to write a piece for the poetry website. I plug away at this for a while until its ready to send to the poet whose poem I am writing about. I will wait for her response before I even think about posting the blog. With the blog piece on its way I turn to writing a letter. A friend sent me a dual letter a few days ago and I realised how long it had been since I wrote to her. I spend ages writing the letter needing to stop and rest at times. Eventually I get the letter written but it will have to wait till tomorrow to be posted. I turn to other tasks and order a birthday card for my sons now wife. Thankfully Moonpig can deliver to Sweden. By now its late afternoon and I am out of energy so I nap until tea time. My evening is spent watching Dune part 2 again and then I gather up my fresh washing, take my meds and head for bed hoping that I wake in better place tomorrow.