Apparently I snore. Apparently I snore so loudly that my partner abandoned me in the middle of the night and took refuge in the spare room. I noticed at 2 in the morning and went to look for her. Having found her I returned to our large bed and “starfished” immediately, hoping to wake refreshed in the morning. The problem with this is that I was now in charge of the alarm clock. So I fitfully slept the night away, waking at regular intervals to check the alarm was not going. When it did, it did so quietly. It sounded as if it was apologising for having the temerity to wake me up. So up I get and go and wake my partner. There was then a three way scrabble to get ready and leave the house. I am the last to leave having showered , breakfasted and drugged. I drove to Birmingham YMCA, having to check the post code once I had arrived at a rather nice group of houses in a cul-de-sac. I had transcribed an F for an A. To my relief my destination was just around the corner. 

I introduced myself to reception, gave them my car registration and was lead up to a training room with “Enabling Service “on it. I was getting suspicious as I thought I was coming to a senior managers team (SMT) meeting. I was assured that no such meeting was booked and that this must be me doing the training to 25 delegates who would arrive at 10 to be enlightened. Fortunately I had my portable office with me and set up a training presentation on the projector and was set to go for a mornings training at which point a familiar face arrived and we had a chat about what we thought we were doing. She thought we were meeting the SMT as well and was as bemused as me. The receptionist and training admin people came in to check on us and they reaffirmed that no SMT meeting was expected, to which my colleague pointed out that they were all sitting in the cafe downstairs. The two workers disappeared and returned and apologised for the miscommunication. I was off the hook and did not need to be doing training, someone else was doing that on something very different. At this time the SMT arrived and we decanted into a different room where we introduce ourselves and got on with the business.

A couple of hours later I emerged and headed for the car. I was home quite quickly and found myself doing the clearing chores and cooking a protein lunch before deciding to go to the gym. The gym was tough. My hour on a cross trainer yielded 718 calories and the 10, 000 step reward, but I was really tired by the end of it. I think I am feeling the effects of steroid withdrawal at the moment and a disturbed gut as a result of it.

I notice that I change differently in the gym now. Once I would just strip off and parade around naked while I organised my locker and my gym kit. Not anymore. Now I disrobe in such a way that only ever half of me is naked, and for as short a period as possible. I’m embarrassed and appalled by my fatness created by the hormone stripping and the chemo and the steroids. I take a larger towel with me so that when I go from locker to shower I can try and disguise my spreading form and when I emerge from the shower wrapped around me I dress in half stages. Thank goodness I am British and learnt the art of getting swim wear on and off without a hitch on various windswept English beaches as a child. This skill is now standing me in good stead. I hope my efforts with diet and exercise work, at least a little. Its having the energy to exercise enough to drive off the pounds, or in my case the kilos.

 I drove home via the garage to fill with petrol and arrived home craving something simple and warm to eat. Chicken soup and cold new potatoes filled the bill. I retreated up stairs to finish Good Omens and to await the arrival of my partners singing teacher. I blog with the strains of a ballad in the distance. Tonight is an early night. I crave sleep, deep uninterrupted sleep, like sleep from night to light, but I know that I shall have interrupted and spasmodic sleep and wake feeling tired. It is that slow grind of poor sleep that accumulates until at some point I will just collapse and sleep for hour perhaps days. Anyway tomorrow I have to get up early to move my car to let the worker out and attempt to be cheery when Sainsbury’s deliver early.