Wednesday, its oncology review day so I’m awake early despite the review call being in the early afternoon. I take my vitals, which are good as my partner goes off to see her mother. I dally a moment to jot a poem before I get up. This one will not make it into the up coming collection, but maybe in one later this year, I will have to see what happens over the next few months in terms of writing anything else new.

447
The tide is high 
and like Blondie
I’m hanging on.
I keep reminding myself
that ships only sink when water
gets inside.
So my hatches are battened down
and my bilge pumps
are at full stretch.
Iv’e turned my bow
into the oncoming storm
and see the horizon
rise and fall.
All around the ocean
rages and batters
at my hull.
This luckless slinger
can only watch
and cling to the wheel
in the hope that I might
be able to steer.
The tide is high
and like Blondie
I’m hanging on. 

                                    447 28-05-2025

Having emptied myself of the writing I get up and get dressed. I need to eat as I’ve had a bad gut all night and of course everyone knows that what is required in this situation is a full English breakfast. So I head for the village pub with my eldest daughter for company. There we order and devour whilst chatting about her doctoral thesis writing and other stuff, being joined for a brief while by the landlord’s dog.

With breakfast done we walk back home where I settle down to do the days crosswords and listen to the radio. Its more Heresy that I listen to while getting an early start on the blog. My oncology review is due for 2:30 but they rarely ring on time so I know that I am going to be sitting around for a long time this afternoon. I get as far as I can with the blog and then take up my current reading, Light from Uncommon Stars by Ryka Aoki, while I wait for my call. As I wait I make bets with myself about the time they will call, I think it will be about 5 o’clock if they run true to form. Busy people oncologists. I check my email sand find the second edit of the new poetry collection is back. I apply myself and make the necessary changes and send it back to the team. This should be the final draft.

The oncologist proves me wrong and rings around 3pm. It is a lightning fast call, the usual how am I and I tell him I am having lower back pain and do not know if it is tumours on my spine or age and rowing. He notes I’ve not had a scan since February 2024, he also notes that my PSA has risen for a second time and asks about my blood pressure. I duly report my current average over cycle 25. He then surprises me and says he will see me in four weeks, order a scan, prescribe one more cycle and send me a bloods form. He also surprises me by saying he will see me in person at the next appointment. And then he is gone. Two minutes max! So all this is a bit unexpected, I thought it would be another routine “see you in three months” job. If he thinks the fact that my PSA has risen twice since December 2024 is significant then I guess getting fresh data and seeing me in the flesh quickly is a good idea. One more cycle is the time it takes to organise a scan, bloods and the pharmacy. So at some point in June or early July (probably on my birthday) I will get some clarification.

With the session over I take my partner to the garden centre to get more fibre pots for more seed growing and some plants for hanging baskets. I add liquorice comfits to the shopping along with real ginger beer and freshly squeezed lemonade, I can no longer tolerate Red Bull. By the time I get home the garden guy has turned up and so its time to make coffee, have a chat and then my eldest daughter and I set about putting an end to the ridiculous tax issues of my late sisters estate. The tax return for the final year of her life is signed off and sent, the accountants bill paid and hard copies made and filled in the estate accounts. All this just in time for tea.

The evening is a football evening and race across the world evening and then I’m going to bed full of night meds, strapped to my finger splint and now slipping into a new time schedule for my oncology expectations. It is easy to think I should stay calm but some how it proves to be tricky. Tomorrow my partner and I are having lunch at a swanky gastro pub with friends so there is pleasure to look forward to.