Monday and after a reasonable night I wake early and mentally check myself over. I am not too bad, a bit groggy and a bit knocked about but oaky. My partner brings me a hot water and I leaves me to go through my cyber messages and litter. Before she goes to work my partner collects the antibiotics that the paramedic prescribed yesterday and goes off to work. My eldest daughter rings me toast and water so I can take my antibiotics. I check my vitals and find they are within range, so a good start to the day. Having got up I head for the lounge and try to make myself comfortable for the day and write a to do list.
Surprisingly I get through to the GP surgery and book my next injection time for Monday. Ordering my drugs for the next month goes smoothly which gives me time to ring the solicitor to check if there is progress on my sisters estate, but it goes to voicemail and I wait for a return call. Next on my list is incorporating the antibiotics into my drugs wallets over the next week. So I’ve managed my meagre to do list and now I resort to resting and watching TV. I get bored and read my poetry book, I am interested to see how many of them actually chime with me now. All the time I am drinking water and herb tea to keep hydrated.
At lunchtime I clear the kitchen and make myself tuna pasta. I also start to collect urine samples to test to reassure myself my that I am not passing water. So far the results are good but I’m still experiencing some pain so I take paracetamol. My afternoon is old TV and crosswords. I’m still feeling knocked about by my condition and difficult to really relax and rest. Its not a good place to be but I’m trying to work my way out of it. I was unable to collect my next round of Chemo from the hospital pharmacy today so will have to make an effort tomorrow or make some sort of arrangement.
This situation is very wearing, I feel hemmed in and find it difficult to find ways out, it is the frustration of not being able to do the mundane and ordinary without worrying it is going to trigger a worsening of my condition. I know I should just rest but it is difficult when those around me are carrying enough of their own stuff to deal with, without having to pick up what I cannot do. Being able to focus on something is difficult at the moment, part chemo induce, part current condition. Ironically I got my next appointment letter from last Thursday’s oncology review. Someone will phone me on the 16th of May. I am not sure what my rational response is, my less than rational feeling is one of being abandoned to get with it with the help of anything I can get from dialling 111.
My evening will begin with a meal and then I will try to settle into a state of resting, which probably doesn’t help with sleeping at night. The one blessing is that the new extra firm mattress is so much more comfortable than the old one. A good decision and investment to be thankful for.
