Thursday rocks up to find me rocky. You know one of those days when you wake up and just feel off for some reason. I’m very disappointed as I had hoped for a good day today, however one must get on with it in the belief that things will turn around. I go through my cyber routine of checking messages but before I can reach the end the window cleaners are at the windows hosing them down and cleaning. I remain in bed and wait for them to go before going about my business of finishing my morning checks. There is no significant cyber litter today and as my partner brings me my morning hot water I complete my usual vitals check. Once again they are good.
I have a simple breakfast, take my morning meds and clear the kitchen before retrieving the garden camera from its position behind the Shed. On checking the contents I find the usual pidgeons, squirrels and cats, only once to I get a blurry picture and a clear video of a fox. No sign of any hedgehogs, which is disappointing but it maybe that I am expecting too much this early in February. I take a bit of time to wander my garden and appreciate all the plants that are responding to the additional light that removing some trees has had. Spring is really getting a move on, which feels optimistic in the face of my own more pessimistic demeanour of late. My garden once again lifts me.
Everywhere I look I see bulbs throwing up their shoots. After years of bulb planting Spring now seems to take care of itself in the garden. It buys me time to plan and think about what to put in for the summer months. On days like this present day me is pleased that past me took the trouble to plant all those bulbs. The spikes of bulbs in the pots are pushing through the winter violas and pansies that I put before Christmas so I have both colour and more flowers to come in the pots for a couple of months. The family lunches together on pasta as my partner and eldest daughter are going with her brother and niece to see a show tonight, so I shall have the evening to myself to watch Oppenheimer.
My afternoon begins with the arrival of post and to my joy there is a letter from my friend in Scotland. Attached to the letter is a gift which makes me laugh and lightens mood immensely. It will become part of my coffee table equipment and be there to cheer me every day. Who would not be cheered by an irreverent Pooh.
I settle down with a coffee and read my friends letter. Always such a pleasure to get a letter. Today has turned out much better than I expected. There are more presents in the letter, my friend spurred by Dancing on Ice and her own interest sends me a link to an extraordinary piece of ice dance. I found it breathtakingly beautiful, what a gift.
In the same letter tucked into the back is a poem. One that again is a gift and very apt for my situation. It reminds me that these expression in all the arts are a marker that others have walked the path that I am on and have found things along the way that make the everyday bearable and to the curious, a way to new understanding. I am curious and look it up on the web and find my friend has omitted the last two stanza, but also find that other people have as well and used the shorter version on posters. The full version is below.
This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honourably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond
Jalaluddin Rumi
A friend messages me to share her plans for the weekend as she continues to recover from long COVID. Having recently “gone live” back at work this is an important step. It is clear that long COVID requires patient management to recover. I think that once people see someone return to work they believe the person is recovered, even if some significant work adjustments have been made. It is a mistake as my friend clearly demonstrates that there has to be continued careful management of activity and rest. It is still a fine balancing act to maintain a recovery path that brings someone back to the fit person they were. I wonder how many people actually understand this.
My afternoon has been full of gifts that have fed me, stimulated me and encouraged me. It is these things that friendship brings and that makes the relational realm of life the one that is most precious.
I move into my evening feeling lighter and it matters little what I do as the day has been rich and stimulating. I now need to rest and soak up all that has come to me today. I spend my evening drinking water to maximize my hydration as tomorrow I am having another set of bloods taken prior to my oncology review next Thursday. Apparently maximizing my hydration helps maximize my platelet score, so three pints of water and my night chemo meds I go off to bed in the hope that I get a perfect in range set of bloods like last time and of course my PSA continuing to fall.
