Saturday and I wake up knowing my blood results from last night. I tacked them onto yesterdays blog after they were posted after midnight. The headline was the further reduction in my PSA, not by a lot but it is nevertheless a reduction. The rest of the profile is reasonable I am disappointed with the drop in my platelets and rise in Urea, which suggests I am not as hydrated as I should be.

I am usually quite chipper when I get results like this but today not so much. Its difficult to explain but the side effects of this chemo drain me and make me feel a combination of fatigue and listlessness. I find myself feeling quite anxious, so although the arithmetic is good my sense of wellness and ability to do things seem to be impeded.

My partner brings me a coffee while I check my messages, emails and cyber litter. I am still in bed when my partner goes off with a friend to spend the morning having coffee and a catch up chat. I get up and have breakfast and watch a women’s international rugby match, England beat New Zealand to win this years international competition. My day drifts as I watch more stuff, as I feel bereft of spoons. It unusual for me to feel this spoonless this early in the day. I continue to drift on the sofa, half watching more rugby and drafting things on my laptop until my partner returns. We have a light snack and I continue to drift. I notice the bathroom light has once again gone out so I gather myself together to try and rectify the situation.

Bathroom light sorted I return to other things. I check my vitals which are okay and then return to the sofa and TV. Its going to be a night of Strictly and football probably, night meds and bed as soon as possible. Definitely not feeling good. I indulge in chocolate heavily tonight, sometimes I just need the lift.