Thursday and I wake up early in a hotel bed after a reasonable nights sleep. I have vague memories of listening to the rain in the night. I make a coffee, take my meds and check my messages and emails. There is nothing new or urgent so I take a long shower and relax. I have a little time before I need to go to my appointment with my mentor/listener so I head to Tesco and get a breakfast roll and coffee. Considerably cheaper than at the hotel and just as satisfying. I drive to my appointment.
My conversation was interesting and useful. It would seem that the noise I experience in the world is not confined to me, it never could be just me, but it is useful to know that others experience it as well. I discuss my “fairy tale” state and the effect it might be having on me. Those moments of anxiety that I experience are probably related to what is going on in the back of my mind, which I am containing. It is apparent that in general age just brings more complex and demanding networks of relationships and health issues to juggle. It occurs to me that what I have been doing since June last year is simplifying my life and expunging the trivia and inconsequential from it. There is a danger that I over do it and cut things that actually feed me and are good for my well being. Balance seems to be the key and paying attention to what I am actually doing at any one time. Old stuff but easy to slip out of doing it. The idea of deciding what to focus on at any one time is encapsulated by WIN, What’s Important Now. Its another way to remind oneself to pay attention to what you are doing.
I leave my mentor/listener and drive back to the hotel where I start to draft the blog and to capture some of the conversation I have just had. I also write a poem, sort of, without using the letter “e”. It’s clearly a nonsense exercise but it is equally clearly informed by my concerns about the possibilities of radio therapy.
My radio All knobs and dials FM loud and proud Blasts out And blastomas. Its slaying a tumour Its wild and a rumour that pill and potion Are in commotion. Rock and rollology Biology and physiology Burn, scar and cullolgy On my radiology. So go man go And scorch away, Tomorrows so Another day. Old and gay, I could spit This cutting ray This drill bit Sunk within My skin, Is no mix, ain’t no fix.
Like I say it was an exercise, but it kept me occupied till it was time to go and eat. I do not care that it does not scan. A friend sends me a picture on WhatsApp showing the Moon, Jupiter and Venus all in a line and clearly visible. I am tired after what feels like a long but productive day so I do my night meds and go to bed hoping for a good sleep. Tomorrow is the drive home at a sedate pace and a weekend ahead.
