CYCLE 3 DAY 17
Yesterday afternoon a friend and colleague died. As always there are insufficient words to express what this means and to convey this to the family and friends of the dead person. When a person dies younger than myself it always jolts me and makes me realise how much I value life. Engaged in my own battle to stay alive at the moment only makes the loss of a friend harder to deal with. For the moment I reflect on our time working together, our professional relationship and the personal friendship that grew from this. I know that how I feel and what the loss of our relationship means will take time to work through. In the meantime I talk to others who knew him and share the loss. In due course there will be the opportunity to pay my respects.
Today I was signed off from urology. Apparently my kidneys are sufficiently good to be left to fly on their own. My latest blood tests show my kidney function to be good and the associated signs to are good enough not to warrant monitoring. So I am now the sole domain of the oncology team. A cause to mildly celebrate and to enjoy the reduced level of Med Min that needs to be done.
My life is set in a rhythm at the moment, so tonight I loaded my drugs wallet for the coming week. I start cycle 4 on Tuesday so I have to start to preload with steroids on Monday. I realise that at the moment I am being mechanical about the process, just doing it. Having set the direction I need to just keep moving forward. My latest blood tests show my PSA to have dropped again to 2.2, the rest more or less in the normal range. While this is the case the grind is worth it and self reinforcing. If that changes then it will be time to think and do something different.
Tomorrow is rugby world cup final day. I shall watch and then go and watch Leicester Tigers play if I have the energy or the inclination.
