Monday, start of a new week and it is going to be a mundane day, with little to do than feed, tidy and watch Wimbledon. as it turns out I end up in the Shed writing letters for the morning. My garden appears to be doing quite well without me at the moment. By lunchtime I am written out and nourish myself with soup and Wimbledon. So this is what retired people do. Post lunch I put a load of washing in and get ensnared by Wimbledon again. Every Wimbledon I think it would be nice to learn tennis at the local sports centre and then realise this is my usual summer fantasy and settle back down to a real world and more to the point a real Body. I maybe getting slowly fitter after COVID but it would knacker me walking from one side of a tennis court to the other let alone being able to chase a high speed bouncy sphere around the entire court. I still do have a persistent squash fantasy though, however you do not play squash to get fit, you get fit to play squash, ask Leonard Rossiter!
I have an interesting WhatsApp exchange with a friend before I train. I head for the rower in the garage and set myself up for the session. Half and hour at my usual resistance today, which will stretch my arms and back after yesterdays rest day. It goes okay, not brilliant but a good enough to get me going this week. I have resisted the temptation to go for a big session like an hour or a high resistance. Its the long game I need to play here, especially before going on a weeks break away.
Post session I check my messages and find that my friend has sent me the introductory booklet from her local fatigue clinic. I sit and read it through and it reinforces my take on my training efforts and spoon expenditure in general. It is very much rooted in the Hare and the Tortoise with the tortoise approach being the best in the long run as it avoids a “boom and crash” cycle, which detrimental. There is a model to understand the complexity of fatigue and model of recovery which adopts the tortoise approach.
The issue that jumps out at me is how unhelpful those around people who are suffering from chronic fatigue can be if they do not understand the nature and limitations of the condition. I wonder if I have been guilty of this myself, being a male I think I probably fall foul of thinking its just about pushing through and encouraging others to do the same, which I now vividly understand is really not helpful. The experience of my friend has been enlightening and helped me understand how to manage my own medication induced fatigue at times. It feels like I am fortunate enough to be in the “Building Tolerance” stage. I do note that the model allows for people to slide from one stage to another both upwards and backwards, so perhaps I should not get in front of myself.
I spend my evening watching the incomparable Nadal whoop a Dutchman and then I watch the series end episode of Stranger Things. There cannot be too many series of this left as the actors are getting a bit long in the tooth to be playing teenagers. I prepare fro bed and realise I have failed to perform my bi Monday task of filling my drugs wallets, so I spend a few minutes tiredly refilling one before going off to bed.
Tuesday and a quiet start. Its the usual breakfast followed by the checking of my email and messages. I find I am invited to a book launch by a an old colleague in the Therapeutic Community world. I am hoping to go but it falls on my eldest daughters birthday, life is never simple. Alongside his an email from a group of Therapeutic Community advocates, that I belong to, inviting me to be part of meeting reviewing provision of support to children in the Ukraine. It will be a major discussion of the groups meeting tomorrow to decide who attends and what our approach will be. I settle down to draft the blog to cover yesterday adn start today. Initially I start on the patio but the wi-fi signal fails so I am back to the sofa office. As the morning goes on varies deliveries arrive and I notice get smuggled away. It is my birthday tomorrow so I suspect the squirreling is connected to that, either that or I am sadly delusional. I finish the filling of my drugs wallets that I started
Lunch time arrives and my partner and I go for a walk round the village to stretch our legs and get a paper. Home and we lunch before putting tonight’s meal in the crockpot. Wimbledon beckons as does the rower. Ultimately the rower wins but not until I had watched some tennis and given myself a manicure ready for Fridays holiday. I get myself into the garage and set up for a hard half hour row, level 5, with the aim of getting over the 7000 metre mark. I set off and do well, very well in fact. I am getting to my goal when my buds ring, they have never done that before so I tentatively tap one of them and to my amazement I am talking to my friend. I Am able to hold the conversation and continue to row (sign of fitness) until I het the half hour mark. Goal achieved and good calorie burn as well. My friend and I chat about the Fatigue guide she had sent me and we talk about how difficult it is to maintain good sleep patterns especially with a young family. The call ends as she goes to collect her children from school. I return to the tennis, no upsets and the plucky Brit is of course struggling.
I set about my post training chores that include feeding the hedgehog, getting the washing in and putting out the bins. All completed I am knackered and settle down to watch tennis and draft the blog. My evening will consist of a meal and some random viewing or reading. The mundane nature of my day gives me hope that I might be returning to some sort of controlled routine and life style which I can label as “healthy” or as healthy as my cancer allows me to be. Its that sense of regaining some sort of psychological agency for the future and the ability to get on with projects, interests and relationships.
